intimidation

Posted on January 17, 2008 by chloe elizabeth

The first book club I went to was in December. I hadn’t ever been before and, while I had met most of these women once, I was a little intimidated. It’s interesting how our insecurities play out in our head. These women are amazing. I read their blogs and just think, “Wow, I wish I was that crafty,” or “If only I could write stories in such a captivating way,” or “How would it be to take such great pictures?”

Another thing with reading about someone on a blog before you really get to know them is that you forget that these are real women who have real flaws (I’m sure) and real insecurities of their own. I often find myself thinking, “Why would these women want to be friends with me? Obviously their lives are amazing and fulfilling already. What could I possibly add?” I sure love being female and forever aware of what people are thinking about me (or what I think they are thinking about me)!

Even though I had been once, and I was really excited for last night (so excited that I went even though I hadn’t finished The Thirteenth Tale which, thankfully, is so very complicated, in a good way, that the evening didn’t completely ruin the book for me), that excitement had not alleviated the apprehension that I still felt about how amazing these women are. And then, the most minor thing happened when I walked in the door. One of these wonderful women turned to me and said, “Oh, you’re here on time. I thought you said you were going to be late.” This one interaction made me feel like I belonged. It meant that, when I sent a response to the email about book club, saying I would likely be late due to a prior engagement, this woman had paid attention and cared and remembered.

the 100 calorie pack

Posted on January 16, 2008 by chloe elizabeth

There are two main problems that we Americans face in our battle against the bulge according to Obesity in America (and common sense):

“Weight gain and obesity are caused by consuming more calories than the body needs – most commonly by eating a diet high in fat and calories, being sedentary or both.”

Duh.

So, for those of us who do not have internal mechanisms to tell us to stop stuffing our faces, or who have emotional needs that are often soothed through the consumption of food (I fall into both of thoee categories), portion control and exercise are key.

I can generally get the exercise in. It’s the sweets I cannot give up. I was made to consume chocolate. My mom used to call me her little chocoholic. I have tried and inevitably, I end up returning to the treats I love so much. And, after a period of deprivation, I will admit that I have been known to eat an entire pan of brownies in one day (no, not one sitting). I cannot give up my sweets. I know people who just say, “So, just practice moderation. Eat one brownie, instead of the whole pan.” Yeah, well try being me.

I have a brother (not the funny one who comments on my blog) who just gives up sugar anytime he wants to lose weight. He will just not eat any bread, sugar, whatever…except for the occasional handful of chocolate chips. If only I had that kind of control. If only I could stop at a handful of chocolate chips without returning to the bag over and over again until I’m frustrated with myself and angry at my lack of control.

Enter the 100 Calorie Packs! These are my control. These are treats with limits. These are my little two point wonders that satisfy my sugar needs and keep me sane. Sure, I could eat a lot of them, thereby negating their benefits, but that requires opening a new package…a process that requires thought and gives me time for reflection, “Do I really want this?”

And, as Nabisco has begun the trend, many other companies are following suit. My current favorite (satisfying both my ice-cream and chocolate needs) are chocolate enrobed vanilla ice-cream bars by Klondike (they don’t have a name). They give me what I need in 100 calories. I love them!

so this is what rejection feels like

Posted on January 15, 2008 by chloe elizabeth

Me: So, I didn’t get into M.

Erika: Yeah, but you knew you weren’t going to get in. Did you see 30 Rock this week? You need to watch it.

Me: Hello! We’re talking about me. And I know that I knew I wasn’t going to get in, but it still hurts. I don’t think I’ve ever been rejected like this before.

Erika: I’m sorry I don’t really feel bad for you. I’ve received lots of rejections letters. Plus, I have my own tragedies to deal with. Apparently, I left my window down and Gus decided to fly in and rain on me…well, my bathroom. (Gus is the cloud that is normally hanging over Erika, but occasionally ventures out to other members of my family).

Me: What? Gus rained on your bathroom? I don’t understand.

Erika: The guy upstairs left the faucet on in his bathroom and it leaked through my ceiling and no one noticed until the water hit the lobby. (Erika lives on the ninth floor).

Me: Yeah, but that’s not your fault. That was the guy upstairs’ fault. Getting rejected from M was my fault.

Erika: But don’t you see, that’s what makes my situation so much worse. I didn’t do anything. You are the one that screwed up your chances of getting into M.

Me: Can’t I get a little empathy for the rejection?

Erika: I can’t actually empathize, as I have never been rejected from M. Remember, I got in.

Me: You are not nice.

Erika: But you knew you weren’t going to get in. I distinctly remember you calling after the interview and saying something about how, after such a horrible interview, you wouldn’t even accept you.

Me: So, that doesn’t change the fact that it hurts.

Erika: You didn’t want to go to M anyway. The business school is ugly and everyday, as you walked past the beautiful law school, you would think to yourself, “If only I was as smart as my sister, Erika, I could have gone to M’s Law School.”

Me: Erika, I couldn’t even get into their business school, which isn’t nearly as good as their law school.

Erika: I know…ha ha ha…and I got into their law school. You really are a reject. (laughter that made the rest of what she said incomprehensible)

Me: You are so mean. You just called me a reject.

Erika: Yep. Neener, neener.

Me: Did you just say “neener, neener”?

Erika: Yes.

Me: I’m in throws of pain and woe and you just said “neener, neener”?

Erika: Chloe, you have to understand. This may be the only time in my life I get to rub it in your face that I was better than you.

Me: (yelling in mock anger) Eff you, Erika. Eff you!!!

Erika: (once she stopped laughing long enough to speak) You really need to watch 30 Rock.

Me: Fine. Thanks for nothing. Bye.

Erika: Bye.

Welcome to my family…which is why I also have friends.

Unlike my sister’s response, Sarah’s was totally appropriate (and equally funny). The text message:

“I’m sorry! No matter what, rejection sucks. It’s the ugly boy who you want to reject first. Who needs an ugly boy?”

And Candice has decided to hate the state of M with me.

ETA: Really, I am fine with it. It was interesting to read a rejection letter for the first time ever in my life, but I really did know that I wasn’t going to get in (it was the worst interview ever) and even had I been accepted, I wasn’t planning to go there anyway. It was more about me seeing if I could get in than wanting to go there.

weight watchers weekly – week 1 redo

Posted on January 12, 2008 by chloe elizabeth

I know you’ve all been missing these. I’m sure you noticed their absence, but I didn’t really feel the need to announce to the world (okay, the 100 or so of you who stop by daily) that I had become another statistic, a quitter of the WW. But, what’s the point in recording your life if you aren’t honest about it?

It’s been a while. My ankle was injured from the marathon. The stress of grad school applications got to me. The end of the semester was crazy. The holidays happened. I had to eat ice-cream daily for a week straight after the tonsillectomy. Well, my ankle is back to good, the last application goes in on Tuesday, the semester ended along with the holidays, and my throat has healed. No more excuses.

So, this morning I was back at the WW. It was painful. All that work down the tubes. Okay, not all of it, but a lot of it. I am still down 7 lbs, and those 7 lbs are gone for good. But it’s hard to think that I managed to put on 18. Yuck! 18 lbs! Okay, I’m letting go now.

I have eight weeks before my next race. If I average 2 lbs a week, I’ll be 2 lbs away from where I was at my low point. I think it’s doable. And in case you haven’t been following my workout tracker in the sidebar, you haven’t missed much. In the first 11 days of the new year, I have worked out a total of twice. But that all changes today. My goal is to PR on this next half-marathon, so it’s time to step it up!

Goals for this week:

Run four days – for a total of 16 miles (I’m easing my way back in).
Cross train two days.
Get in three toning workouts.
Follow WW’s points exactly.
Drink 48 oz. of water a day.
Get six hours of sleep a night (yes…that’s an improvement)

Game on!

accepted

Posted on January 12, 2008 by chloe elizabeth

No…it’s not the one I have been waiting for. This one came out of nowhere. I thought I would get accepted into this particular MBA program, but I didn’t think it would happen during my interview. And this interview…was so enjoyable. And then, out of nowhere, “Well, you’re in.”

What? Seriously? Just like that?

I was shocked. Suddenly, this is all so real. I mean, theoretically, I knew I’d get in somewhere, but theory and reality are two different things.

And one more reason my dad is seriously, seriously rad…I came home to this sign on my front door. He really is the greatest!