Me: So, I didn’t get into M.
Erika: Yeah, but you knew you weren’t going to get in. Did you see 30 Rock this week? You need to watch it.
Me: Hello! We’re talking about me. And I know that I knew I wasn’t going to get in, but it still hurts. I don’t think I’ve ever been rejected like this before.
Erika: I’m sorry I don’t really feel bad for you. I’ve received lots of rejections letters. Plus, I have my own tragedies to deal with. Apparently, I left my window down and Gus decided to fly in and rain on me…well, my bathroom. (Gus is the cloud that is normally hanging over Erika, but occasionally ventures out to other members of my family).
Me: What? Gus rained on your bathroom? I don’t understand.
Erika: The guy upstairs left the faucet on in his bathroom and it leaked through my ceiling and no one noticed until the water hit the lobby. (Erika lives on the ninth floor).
Me: Yeah, but that’s not your fault. That was the guy upstairs’ fault. Getting rejected from M was my fault.
Erika: But don’t you see, that’s what makes my situation so much worse. I didn’t do anything. You are the one that screwed up your chances of getting into M.
Me: Can’t I get a little empathy for the rejection?
Erika: I can’t actually empathize, as I have never been rejected from M. Remember, I got in.
Me: You are not nice.
Erika: But you knew you weren’t going to get in. I distinctly remember you calling after the interview and saying something about how, after such a horrible interview, you wouldn’t even accept you.
Me: So, that doesn’t change the fact that it hurts.
Erika: You didn’t want to go to M anyway. The business school is ugly and everyday, as you walked past the beautiful law school, you would think to yourself, “If only I was as smart as my sister, Erika, I could have gone to M’s Law School.”
Me: Erika, I couldn’t even get into their business school, which isn’t nearly as good as their law school.
Erika: I know…ha ha ha…and I got into their law school. You really are a reject. (laughter that made the rest of what she said incomprehensible)
Me: You are so mean. You just called me a reject.
Erika: Yep. Neener, neener.
Me: Did you just say “neener, neener”?
Me: I’m in throws of pain and woe and you just said “neener, neener”?
Erika: Chloe, you have to understand. This may be the only time in my life I get to rub it in your face that I was better than you.
Me: (yelling in mock anger) Eff you, Erika. Eff you!!!
Erika: (once she stopped laughing long enough to speak) You really need to watch 30 Rock.
Me: Fine. Thanks for nothing. Bye.
Welcome to my family…which is why I also have friends.
Unlike my sister’s response, Sarah’s was totally appropriate (and equally funny). The text message:
“I’m sorry! No matter what, rejection sucks. It’s the ugly boy who you want to reject first. Who needs an ugly boy?”
And Candice has decided to hate the state of M with me.
ETA: Really, I am fine with it. It was interesting to read a rejection letter for the first time ever in my life, but I really did know that I wasn’t going to get in (it was the worst interview ever) and even had I been accepted, I wasn’t planning to go there anyway. It was more about me seeing if I could get in than wanting to go there.