social, social, social

So, I had my first “party” of the new school year tonight. Oh, and I had my first leadership role in the MBA program today. I am the committee chair of the opening social. I found out about this on Thursday night, and since I was going to be out of town, and today was Labor day, I needed a plan.

The brilliant idea: have a group g-chat this morning. It went so well. Seriously. I was a little nervous about the whole thing, but I delegated and we all took on our part and, voila, the party is planned. I am so pleased with how things went. And really, I could use a leadership role, so I’m going to take them as I can.

And then tonight was our Mafia party. I didn’t actually plan this one, but it was great. We had about 30 people (including kids) and it was really great. Seriously, it went off without a hitch.

So, I definitely have a little crush on Brian Henderson. Very, very, very little. I’m pretty sure he has zero interest in me, other than maybe trying to make himself feel better by proving that he’s a nice guy, since Debbie doesn’t like him so much. Anyway. He showed up late with Matt Frances, Adam, and Richard…the boys whose house I used to clean. Anyway, it was nice to see him. And he gave me the little side hug.

Here’s the lamest thing ever. I think Danielle might thing that I’m interested and I feel like I’m back in high school again. Like now she will be interested in him. So ridiculous. Especially since it bugs me. The difference is (I hope) that I have a much healthier sense of self and that things work out as they should. No need to force it. Although I do want to learn how to act interested…maybe.

Finally, I’m feeling really good about the things I need to work on and the fact that I need to work on them. I reading this great book (and the scriptures) and I’m on my prayers these days. It really does make a difference. Really and truly.

Okay, bedtime it is. I’m going to try for the early morning thing manana. We’ll see how it goes.

new adventures

I have this sense, already, that when the next two years are over, I’m going to be very, very sad. I know that’s weird, considering I have just met these people. I just think that this is going to equal my mission in the best choices I have ever made.

I think about where I was two years ago. I had just called off my wedding. I was days away from cutting Jared off permanently, and I had no idea what my future would hold. I had hopes and dreams, but they seemed so out there. And now, here I am. In a great MBA program, already having made quite a few new friends. Not only that, but I feel like people in the program (faculty, that is) already know me and like me.

I may be totally delusional, but I kind of feel like some kind of celebrity in the program. Now, I realize that this is not going to get me jobs (I have a long way to go with the interviewing skills), but I feel like it’s going to make my experience so great. And I think it has given me the sense that I have something to live up to. Does that make sense? Like these people have such high expectations when it comes to what I’m going to do, and I don’t want to disappoint them. Not only that, but I don’t want to disappoint myself.

I have the chance to redeem myself for my undergrad. I know I’m smart, I just need to prove to myself that I’m not lazy. I know it’s weird that, after getting into such a stellar program and being given a full-tuition scholarship, I could even consider myself lazy, but some labels are hard to remove, even if I’m the only one letting it stay.

the end…

Not really, but I did start school and it looks like things are going to be very, very busy.

For recaps of what I’m doing in school, I have a new blog. Feel free to visit…but it will be very “all about school”.

to blog or not to blog?

Yeah, it’s not a question right now. The answer? Not to blog. Trust me, I would much rather be posting all of my fabulous pictures from Wasatch Back and my first week in California (Sarah came to play and I got to be a tourist in my favorite city in the world, San Francisco). However, that will all have to wait. There’s a statistics class that I have to finish in the next 24 hours and from what I understand, it takes just under that long to complete. And how much have I worked on it?

No…the answer isn’t “not at all”, but it is “not very much”. So, while you are all happily sleeping, I am miserable plugging away, figuring out confidence intervals and z-factors. Gag!

Did I really think going back to school full time was a good idea?

the death of an experience

Yes, that’s how I feel about it. I want to experience everything. If an experience is in the realm of possibility in my world, I want to have it. This is one of my many diseases…maybe the worst one. Anyway, this whole decision process has been awful. The reason being, whereas I feel like either option would be fine, one would be an entirely new experience, the other would not be.

You would think that would have made it easy, but as in so much of my life, often what I want is not what is best for me. I don’t want to wax too philosophical or spiritual (I am both, but I choose not to be Chez Blog), but after much soul searching and every attempt to feel really good about going to Vanderbilt, I just couldn’t make it feel right. I don’t know if any of you have had similar experiences, but it’s very frustrating. And I’m sure some of you are thinking, “Well, if you want to go to Vanderbilt, you should just go there.” If only it were that easy in my world.

Vanderbilt would have afforded me lots of opportunities. They have an amazing program. Over the weekend I met some people with whom I hope to stay in contact, even after telling them that I’m not going to be in their class. I fell in love Nashville. I’m not sure why I applied to Vanderbilt in the first place, which only added to my desire to go there; like it was meant to be. On some level, I think it was, in the sense that this whole process has made me grow in ways I had not expected.

Last night, I was still not totally decided. Or maybe I was, and have been for months, but I wasn’t ready to let go of the experience. And I wasn’t super excited about staying here. Maybe that’s a little bit of an understatement. And if this school in P-town is where I feel like I should be, shouldn’t I be happy about it? Shouldn’t I be excited? Shouldn’t it feel like the best choice ever? Shouldn’t that experience be just as enticing as the one at Vandy?

I guess not. I think that the instant gratification expectations inherent to our society make it so that people often don’t understand making a decision based on anything other than what they want right in that moment. I could be wrong, but it seems like a plausible theory. I could list all of the pros and cons (yes, there was a list…and it was long and uber detailed), but at the end of the day, it wasn’t about the list (it was pretty much sixes anyway), it was about what felt right.

In any case, I am staying in P-town. It’s official. I paid my deposit and “signed on the dotted line” so to speak. (It was really just a bunch of clicks of the mouse, but you get the idea). I am still going to avoid naming the actual school on here…I don’t want it to be easily searched…but I am planning/hoping to do some blogging for the program. It will be in a different location, and this blog will be put on the back burner. I have a feeling things are going to get pretty crazy.

Oh, and for those of you who missed out on what I will be doing in school, I am going to be earning an Masters of Business Administration, concentrating in marketing, and emphasizing in how to remain sane as single, thirty-something, female in Happy Valley. It should make for some interesting “Dear Yous” over the course of the next two years…yes, those will not be going anywhere.