I really do want you all to know that my life is not perfect, although lately, I kind of feel like it’s about as fabulous as I could want it to be (okay…so I’d love to be thin and rich, but barring those two items).
This weekend, I’m off to here with her, her, and her, to see this and this, and eat here and here.
How excited am I?!
Dear Common Denominator,
Why the heck can’t you see that the problem is you? You are the only common factor in your seemingly endless trials and frustrations. Would you just figure it out already?
Sincerely,
The girl who is tired of listening to you go on and on and on about how you don’t understand how this happened to you…again
Dear OCD,
Really, it’s time to just stop manifesting yourself in me. I cannot make a decision about where to go to school when I have not yet learned of all my options. And maybe there won’t be any options, and then think of the hours I will have wasted thanks to you and your ever present nagging.
Without any love at all,
The girl you try to send over the edge from the time she wakes up until she goes to sleep…and sometimes even in her dreams
Dear Chubs,
Here’s the thing. If I am ever going to lose weight and feel good about how I look, you are going to have to die. I’m sorry. I now that’s cruel and I’m not really a fan of the death penalty (at least not when I’m killing part of myself), but you and the person I want to become cannot coexist. You are going to have to go. And since it has become apparent that you are not going to leave of your own volition, I must kill you. It may take me a while, and I promise it is going to hurt me more than you realize, but I believe our time together needs to come to an end.
Sincerely,
The girl who is terrified of a reality she has yet to experience, but one who sees that she can’t stand the one she knows any longer
Dear Money Bags,
You know you don’t really exist, right? I know that you think you do. But you don’t. Money does not grow on trees (at least not in my world), so it’s about time you shut up. It is getting ridiculous. I thought that if I stopped going into stores, the tempting and taunting would slowly dissipate. But no. It doesn’t matter that I’m not faced with an onslaught of items I want to purchase for myself or someone else. I have memories of things I wish to purchase and it’s like you have a list of those memories and you just can’t stop sharing. I am sick of you. Why don’t you go bug someone who actual has the means to listen to you?
Sincerely,
The girl who really wants to always pay cash for anything she needs and/or wants for herself or someone else
Dear Historian,
Let it go, already. I can’t change the past. I can’t change my mistakes. I can’t change what I’ve already done. I’ve learned what I can from the past. Why must you constantly berate me with the should’ve, could’ve, and would’ves? I mean, don’t you think I would go back and change things if I could?
Sincerely,
The girl who doesn’t understand why you think she’s a complete idiot
Dear Injured One,
Sometimes people are going to hurt my feelings. Sometimes people are going to be mean on purpose. And sometimes, believe it or not, a person is going to come along who just doesn’t like me. I’m okay with that, or I was until you piped up. I need you to stop whining and let me be. I know I’m a special shade of crazy. I’ve made my peace with it. Why can’t you?
Sincerely,
The girl who just wants to enjoy her life without worrying about whether someone likes her
Dear Pessimist,
You have been around for a long time. You rarely say anything because you know I rarely listen, and yet…it has finally come to my awareness that your timing, above anyone else’s, is absolutely impeccable. You know exactly when to pop up. And I’m so not used to hearing from you that you always catch me off guard. You wait until I am weak, after something else has gotten me down, and then, BAM!, there you are, in my face, and I have nothing left to stop you. The thing is, I always end up with new weapons in my arsenal, so maybe it’s time you just let me be. Fighting you is so exhausting and the collateral damage is totally unnecessary. I mean, you are never going to win the war, so can’t you just give up the battles, too.
Sincerely,
The girl who is totally optimistic at heart, but sometimes just gets squashed
P.S. I don’t really have voices in my head…well, none that aren’t my own.
The first book club I went to was in December. I hadn’t ever been before and, while I had met most of these women once, I was a little intimidated. It’s interesting how our insecurities play out in our head. These women are amazing. I read their blogs and just think, “Wow, I wish I was that crafty,” or “If only I could write stories in such a captivating way,” or “How would it be to take such great pictures?”
Another thing with reading about someone on a blog before you really get to know them is that you forget that these are real women who have real flaws (I’m sure) and real insecurities of their own. I often find myself thinking, “Why would these women want to be friends with me? Obviously their lives are amazing and fulfilling already. What could I possibly add?” I sure love being female and forever aware of what people are thinking about me (or what I think they are thinking about me)!
Even though I had been once, and I was really excited for last night (so excited that I went even though I hadn’t finished The Thirteenth Tale which, thankfully, is so very complicated, in a good way, that the evening didn’t completely ruin the book for me), that excitement had not alleviated the apprehension that I still felt about how amazing these women are. And then, the most minor thing happened when I walked in the door. One of these wonderful women turned to me and said, “Oh, you’re here on time. I thought you said you were going to be late.” This one interaction made me feel like I belonged. It meant that, when I sent a response to the email about book club, saying I would likely be late due to a prior engagement, this woman had paid attention and cared and remembered.
There are two main problems that we Americans face in our battle against the bulge according to Obesity in America (and common sense):
“Weight gain and obesity are caused by consuming more calories than the body needs – most commonly by eating a diet high in fat and calories, being sedentary or both.”
Duh.
So, for those of us who do not have internal mechanisms to tell us to stop stuffing our faces, or who have emotional needs that are often soothed through the consumption of food (I fall into both of thoee categories), portion control and exercise are key.
I can generally get the exercise in. It’s the sweets I cannot give up. I was made to consume chocolate. My mom used to call me her little chocoholic. I have tried and inevitably, I end up returning to the treats I love so much. And, after a period of deprivation, I will admit that I have been known to eat an entire pan of brownies in one day (no, not one sitting). I cannot give up my sweets. I know people who just say, “So, just practice moderation. Eat one brownie, instead of the whole pan.” Yeah, well try being me.
I have a brother (not the funny one who comments on my blog) who just gives up sugar anytime he wants to lose weight. He will just not eat any bread, sugar, whatever…except for the occasional handful of chocolate chips. If only I had that kind of control. If only I could stop at a handful of chocolate chips without returning to the bag over and over again until I’m frustrated with myself and angry at my lack of control.
Enter the 100 Calorie Packs! These are my control. These are treats with limits. These are my little two point wonders that satisfy my sugar needs and keep me sane. Sure, I could eat a lot of them, thereby negating their benefits, but that requires opening a new package…a process that requires thought and gives me time for reflection, “Do I really want this?”
And, as Nabisco has begun the trend, many other companies are following suit. My current favorite (satisfying both my ice-cream and chocolate needs) are chocolate enrobed vanilla ice-cream bars by Klondike (they don’t have a name). They give me what I need in 100 calories. I love them!
No…it’s not the one I have been waiting for. This one came out of nowhere. I thought I would get accepted into this particular MBA program, but I didn’t think it would happen during my interview. And this interview…was so enjoyable. And then, out of nowhere, “Well, you’re in.”
What? Seriously? Just like that?
I was shocked. Suddenly, this is all so real. I mean, theoretically, I knew I’d get in somewhere, but theory and reality are two different things.
And one more reason my dad is seriously, seriously rad…I came home to this sign on my front door. He really is the greatest!
I looked much better than this at my interview, in case you were wondering.
existential dilemmas 