Dear Common Denominator,
Why the heck can’t you see that the problem is you? You are the only common factor in your seemingly endless trials and frustrations. Would you just figure it out already?
The girl who is tired of listening to you go on and on and on about how you don’t understand how this happened to you…again
Really, it’s time to just stop manifesting yourself in me. I cannot make a decision about where to go to school when I have not yet learned of all my options. And maybe there won’t be any options, and then think of the hours I will have wasted thanks to you and your ever present nagging.
Without any love at all,
The girl you try to send over the edge from the time she wakes up until she goes to sleep…and sometimes even in her dreams
Here’s the thing. If I am ever going to lose weight and feel good about how I look, you are going to have to die. I’m sorry. I now that’s cruel and I’m not really a fan of the death penalty (at least not when I’m killing part of myself), but you and the person I want to become cannot coexist. You are going to have to go. And since it has become apparent that you are not going to leave of your own volition, I must kill you. It may take me a while, and I promise it is going to hurt me more than you realize, but I believe our time together needs to come to an end.
The girl who is terrified of a reality she has yet to experience, but one who sees that she can’t stand the one she knows any longer
Dear Money Bags,
You know you don’t really exist, right? I know that you think you do. But you don’t. Money does not grow on trees (at least not in my world), so it’s about time you shut up. It is getting ridiculous. I thought that if I stopped going into stores, the tempting and taunting would slowly dissipate. But no. It doesn’t matter that I’m not faced with an onslaught of items I want to purchase for myself or someone else. I have memories of things I wish to purchase and it’s like you have a list of those memories and you just can’t stop sharing. I am sick of you. Why don’t you go bug someone who actual has the means to listen to you?
The girl who really wants to always pay cash for anything she needs and/or wants for herself or someone else
Let it go, already. I can’t change the past. I can’t change my mistakes. I can’t change what I’ve already done. I’ve learned what I can from the past. Why must you constantly berate me with the should’ve, could’ve, and would’ves? I mean, don’t you think I would go back and change things if I could?
The girl who doesn’t understand why you think she’s a complete idiot
Dear Injured One,
Sometimes people are going to hurt my feelings. Sometimes people are going to be mean on purpose. And sometimes, believe it or not, a person is going to come along who just doesn’t like me. I’m okay with that, or I was until you piped up. I need you to stop whining and let me be. I know I’m a special shade of crazy. I’ve made my peace with it. Why can’t you?
The girl who just wants to enjoy her life without worrying about whether someone likes her
You have been around for a long time. You rarely say anything because you know I rarely listen, and yet…it has finally come to my awareness that your timing, above anyone else’s, is absolutely impeccable. You know exactly when to pop up. And I’m so not used to hearing from you that you always catch me off guard. You wait until I am weak, after something else has gotten me down, and then, BAM!, there you are, in my face, and I have nothing left to stop you. The thing is, I always end up with new weapons in my arsenal, so maybe it’s time you just let me be. Fighting you is so exhausting and the collateral damage is totally unnecessary. I mean, you are never going to win the war, so can’t you just give up the battles, too.
The girl who is totally optimistic at heart, but sometimes just gets squashed
P.S. I don’t really have voices in my head…well, none that aren’t my own.
Best letters yet. Prolly because I think we have the same voices in our heads. You rock.
I always love these posts… they crack me up. I agree with Jill and Michelle- they are my favorites. I need to talk to Money Bags too… I need to have a SERIOUS TALK with Money Bags.
Your posts like this are my favorite. They’re so funny, insightful and real. I have some of these same voices in my head!
Dear Chloe:You rock.Sincerely,The girl who loves to hear the voices in your head
These epistolary posts are, without a doubt, my favorites! You are so articulate and witty, and yet they are so real at the same time. And every time I read one of them, I wish with all my heart that I had written it. Keep it up!
You tell ’em! Love your post :o)
you are wonderful! Love the post!!!
Wait are you sure that you can’t hear my internal dialog? Because I think you just quoted my inner me like ten times…maybe even more. But at least we realize it, right? You can’t get better until you know what needs to get better, right? Right?