Once upon a time a girl walked four miles in heels in one day. Yes. Four miles; 1.4 in the morning and 2.6 in the afternoon. She’s pretty amazing.
Amazingly stupid.
But incredibly fashionable (at least that day).
Beauty is pain, my friends. Beauty is pain.
The rest of the Chicago trip coming soon…If you want a little preview, click here to read Kelly’s post.
Dear crappy drivers (of which there seems to be an abundance here in Utah),
I was going to write a letter about how you make my life miserable, but as I was driving to the airport last week, I realized that without you, driving would not be nearly as fun. Without you, I would never get to pass on the right, which I happen to find very enjoyable. Without you, driving would not be like playing Frogger, one of the best video games ever made. Without you, I would not be able to keep up with my siblings’ incredible driving abilities (Vegas and Phoenix give the greater Salt Lake area a run for its money).
Without you, my eyes would not be constantly scanning traffic for holes and alleys, making it so that I wouldn’t see cops as easily as I currently do. Sure, I might get places a little faster, but I’d probably have lots more tickets (and no people, a ticket is not an indication of bad driving, just breaking the law). Without you, I wouldn’t get the adrenaline rush that comes from speed combined with the fear of some idiot cutting me off when I’m in the left lane, which, incidentally, is known as “the passing lane” in California (where the majority of the country’s good drivers come from, in my humble, unbiased opinion) because you are supposed to use it to pass people. So, from the bottom of my heart, I thank you. I look forward to seeing you on the roads this afternoon as I head to the airport, yet again.
Sincerely,
A girl who absolutely loves driving (it’s parking in the snow that sometimes presents problems)
Dear girls behind Sarah and me in line at the Mika concert,
I have so much I want to say, but since it’s obvious that your 18-year-old minds can only handle so much, I’ll just start with one concept (two words, but one concept…is that too confusing?): personal space. Once you have that one down, come back to me and we can discuss the next topic.
Sincerely,
The girl who, thankfully, was not actually stuck next to you as she would not have been as polite as Sarah was
Dear take-out girl at Buffalo Wild Wings,
I’m not sure where to begin. There were so many things wrong with what happened on Saturday. So. Many. Things. First, you didn’t take the order down right, evidently. Then, even the parts you did get right, you didn’t check. Those two things could happen to anyone. I mean, it’s got to be pretty hard work manning the take-out counter on a relatively slow Saturday afternoon.
But then. Then. When I drove down to get the blue cheese dressing that you (yes, YOU) had forgotten to give us, that is when you really messed up. Have you ever heard the term “customer service”? Do you know what it means? If you have, you must have been having a really, really, really bad day. I could have dealt with a lot. I’ve worked in a service industry before. I know it’s not fun to deal with mistakes when people are upset (note: I wasn’t actually upset when I first went in). But when you rolled your eyes at me, that did it. And the best part is, I’m me, so I called you on it. I bet you weren’t expecting that one. I hope you think twice before being so rude next time.
Sincerely,
A girl who is really quite understanding of mishaps and mistakes, just not eye rolling
Dear people who think your opinions should be everyone’s opinions,
Do you not get how annoying that is? When people stop talking to you mid-conversation, do you not understand that it’s because you aren’t listening to them and you don’t care about seeing any point of view but your own and they know that any more talking is just a waste of oxygen. When you sit and ask yourself why you have a hard time keeping friends, think about this…people probably don’t really like you. Who wants to be friends with someone who is so closed minded? I know you think you are being helpful, at times, but really, you’re more annoying than anything else. In fact, there are probably people who do things just to spite you. Yes. Spite.
And lest you think sharing this makes me like you, I assure you it does not. You can continue to be the way you have been. And if you want to argue with me about how your forcing of your opinions on others is actually a win-win, go for it. Of course, you will only be confirming everything I just wrote. It’s your call.
Sincerely,
A very opinionated person who is happy to hear the opinions of others (it is possible)
Dear people who get angry about things over which you have zero control,
I’m sorry. It sucks. I have the same problem. And sometimes, it just feels good to get really angry…at least for a minute.
With pumping adrenaline and a racing heart,
Chloe
Dear foolishly naive administrator dude,
I’m a pretty smart cookie, so when you started running numbers and thinking you were being so sly and that somehow you were going to be able to bill my department and the patients for the same service, did you really think that I wasn’t going to notice? I realize that you are pretty old and come from a generation where women were “silent secretaries” and you didn’t have to take us seriously, so let be the first to welcome you to the new millennium.
With regret concern for the PTSD my objection may have caused you,
Chloe
Dear hinters,
We all know what you want, so just be straight forward about it because, guess what, if you sit by me while I’m eating and talk about how good my food smells, I’m not going to offer it to you. I will, however, respond to your hinting with such things as, “You know, it actually tastes even better than it smells!” or “You are right, it does smell fantastic!” Just ask for a bite. I’ll give you one.
And, if you want to tell a story, just say, “I have a story for you.” Or better yet, just tell the story. If you think dropping some kind of intended attention-grabbing sentence is going to get me to ask you about the story, you are sadly mistaken. In fact, the second I sense that is what’s happening, I’m going to ignore your attempts to get me to ask about it. In fact, I’ll probably change the subject. I’m going to force you to either be assertive or live dying to tell your story.
Hoping that you will understand the direct communication we just had, as it is not in your native tongue,
Chloe
Yes, I was really trying to have a Wordless Wednesday. I love the picture below. Emily took it while we were in New York. It is just a happy, wonderful picture, which is a small miracle since it’s a backside shot of me.
Today, though, I am not feeling happy and wonderful. And while I try not to post more than once a day (you know, in an attempt to control my OCD), I felt the need today.
Lest you think my life glorious and perfect all the time…
Sometimes life seriously sucks. Sometimes I’m not the happy person I want so badly to be. Sometimes I want to hit people. Sometimes I want people to feel how stupid I really think they really are. Sometimes I really hate being single. Sometimes I really don’t care about other people and their problems. Sometimes I break down in a ball of tears and can’t stop crying. Sometimes I wonder why anyone is friends with me. Sometimes I miss my mom so much it hurts. Sometimes I actually wonder if I should have just gone through with the wedding. Sometimes I want someone else to make my decisions for me, not so I can blame them later, but just so I don’t have to do it. Sometimes I hate what I look like. Sometimes I don’t want to get out of bed, because getting out of bed means finding something to wear, and sometimes I hate finding something to where because sometimes I hate my body. Sometimes I wish I could understand why knowing that something is the best thing to do is not enough motivation to get me to do it. Sometimes I wonder if I will always be alone.
And sometimes I wish I could understand what the hell I was thinking when I signed up for my particular set of problems. And yes, I do believe that I signed up for them, which totally eliminates any feelings of justification I might have had in complaining about my lot in life, which just makes me that much angrier. And if that isn’t enough to irritate me, there’s always my mom’s voice in my head reminding me that “it always works out”.
So, just in case you thought you were the only one, you’re not. I’m sure tomorrow will be better.
P.S. On a happier note, I’ve put up February’s downloads on my sidebar. They are all about love. So, in case you are depressed after reading this, you can download some love songs that might cheer you up, unless of course you are depressed about your love life; in which case, might I suggest waiting?
Finally.
You would think after running 26.2, five would be no big deal. Well, I assure you, it was. I am so behind on my training schedule for the Canyonlands Half Marathon, but last night I finally got in a solid five mile run. It felt really good (especially the part when I stopped after every mile to restart the treadmill, thereby fooling onlookers into thinking I had only been on it for 10 minutes, rather than 45…the joys of an overcrowded gym and their “rules”).
It felt so good to run. I took it pretty slow, but I didn’t walk. That was my goal. Then I came home and did my Turbo Sculpt video (half of it…I’m trying to not get obsessive) and then a little Street Fusion – Street Jazz and Hip Hop just for fun.
What is Street Fusion, you ask? It’s my latest DVD purchase. I have been wanting to take a hip hop class for a while, but my schedule just doesn’t allow it, so I decided to buy a video. Tonight was the first go (videos are always risky) and I LOVED it! It wasn’t too remedial and it is all about choreography, which is totally my way of dancing. It took me back to my days of cheerleading in high school. Yes, it’s true. I know I’ve posted pictures before, but I’m going to do it again (notice the remnants of toilet paper in the tree behind me…the joys of high school). ETA: I have no idea what happened to the picture…I’ll add it again later.
And now, because it’s me, I need to leave you with my “deep” gym thoughts:
Yes…I know I said I would post every week again, but last week was a little crazy.
I have a food addiction. I have known this for a long time, but I think I’m finally coming to terms with it. In fact, for the first time (in such precise language) I actually vocalized this last night. I was talking to my aunt and we were discussing a girl who is severely overweight and has health problems because of it and how, when my aunt saw her recently, she was just eating constantly.
I thought about this for a minute. My initial reaction was, “I wonder how many people see me eating and think that.” One of the joys of having struggled with weight for so long and being relatively obsessed with it is that I automatically internalize anything anyone says to me about anyone in regards to weight. Not a fun existence, but I finally talk back to the voices that plague me. Moving on, I really felt sorry for this girl because I have been there. And, truthfully, in my head, I am almost always there. Food is my drug of choice.
I made the comment to my aunt that this poor girl is probably addicted to food and then continued with sharing my own feelings about my own addiction. I think it was a bit enlightening for my aunt. I often wonder if the “thin” people of the world realize how hard it is for those of us who have serious problems. It’s not that I don’t think that lots of people have to watch what they eat, but there’s a difference between watching what you eat and being totally and completely obsessed with what you eat.
I think I kept hoping that, if I just lost weight, I would lose my obsession with food. Not so much. I mean, I have lost a lot of weight before, but…it has never stayed off and I think, in great part, this is due to the fact that I didn’t realize that I really do have an addiction. I’m not really sure what my point in sharing this with all of you is, but I’m sharing it. I guess I feel like the last two weeks have been really good for me, emotionally. It’s a learning process, but it felt really liberating to just say, “Yes, I’m addicted to food.”
In realizing this, I have started to treat my relationship with food differently. The problem with a food addiction, and I think I might have mentioned this before, is that I can’t just quit eating. There’s no “cold turkey” in the food addict’s world. It’s a constant battle that must be fought daily. I have to consider the whys of every food choice I make. It pretty much sucks, but it’s the way it is.
Having said that…I will now share a little about the last two weeks. They were hard. I was not as good as I should have been, but considering I was traveling and have had a crazy schedule, I’m going to go a little easy on myself. The grand total for two weeks: 4.2 lbs.
existential dilemmas 