Yes…I know I said I would post every week again, but last week was a little crazy.
I have a food addiction. I have known this for a long time, but I think I’m finally coming to terms with it. In fact, for the first time (in such precise language) I actually vocalized this last night. I was talking to my aunt and we were discussing a girl who is severely overweight and has health problems because of it and how, when my aunt saw her recently, she was just eating constantly.
I thought about this for a minute. My initial reaction was, “I wonder how many people see me eating and think that.” One of the joys of having struggled with weight for so long and being relatively obsessed with it is that I automatically internalize anything anyone says to me about anyone in regards to weight. Not a fun existence, but I finally talk back to the voices that plague me. Moving on, I really felt sorry for this girl because I have been there. And, truthfully, in my head, I am almost always there. Food is my drug of choice.
I made the comment to my aunt that this poor girl is probably addicted to food and then continued with sharing my own feelings about my own addiction. I think it was a bit enlightening for my aunt. I often wonder if the “thin” people of the world realize how hard it is for those of us who have serious problems. It’s not that I don’t think that lots of people have to watch what they eat, but there’s a difference between watching what you eat and being totally and completely obsessed with what you eat.
I think I kept hoping that, if I just lost weight, I would lose my obsession with food. Not so much. I mean, I have lost a lot of weight before, but…it has never stayed off and I think, in great part, this is due to the fact that I didn’t realize that I really do have an addiction. I’m not really sure what my point in sharing this with all of you is, but I’m sharing it. I guess I feel like the last two weeks have been really good for me, emotionally. It’s a learning process, but it felt really liberating to just say, “Yes, I’m addicted to food.”
In realizing this, I have started to treat my relationship with food differently. The problem with a food addiction, and I think I might have mentioned this before, is that I can’t just quit eating. There’s no “cold turkey” in the food addict’s world. It’s a constant battle that must be fought daily. I have to consider the whys of every food choice I make. It pretty much sucks, but it’s the way it is.
Having said that…I will now share a little about the last two weeks. They were hard. I was not as good as I should have been, but considering I was traveling and have had a crazy schedule, I’m going to go a little easy on myself. The grand total for two weeks: 4.2 lbs.
YES. I feel like I have an addiction with food as well, and it is so hard, since you have to eat — several times a day! You are always surrounded by food and that is a difficult thing. And I want to keep enjoying food, that’s another hard thing…I’d say 4.2 pounds in 2 weeks is awesome!
chloe, i am a food addict too. and i’ve been doing weight watchers too. and i’m still addicted to food. and i’m pretty sure i will be for the rest of my life. i love it. i love cooking it, i love eating it, i love smelling it, and i love serving it. i love snacking, feasting, grazing, sampling, etc. i realize i’m just going to have to learn to make good choices most of the time so i can make “poor” choices when it really counts. but mercy, i love it when its time to make poor choices. mmmmmmmm….
I’m so grateful for your thoughts. I’m the kind of person that eats when I’m stressed, as well as when I’m excited. I’m constantly reminding myself that I need to think about what I’m eating. Thanks for sharing.
Boy what a great example you are! I just sit around and eat and then complain to my husband about how “round” I look these days. I keep saying that I’ll start jogging or eating better, but I just haven’t made myself commit to anything. Your thoughts have encouraged me!
I have a post like this in my archives somewhere- how I am a food addict and it isn’t like quitting smoking (something I gave up a long time ago) because you have to eat- it isn’t like you can just avoid food how you would avoid a different vice.I am so glad you shared this- SO GLAD! There is safety in numbers, and understanding. Good job on your loss for the last two weeks!