decisions and sacrifices

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The whole thought process started with the purchase of a diving magazine. It often happens that when I am in the airport I make impulse magazine purchases. This particular diving magazine had a list of the top dive sites of 2009. I was sold.

One of my dreams/goals is to dive the Galapagos Islands with their huge schools of pelagic fish. I want to spend seven days on a live aboard diving morning, noon, and night!

As I was thinking about this trip I want to take, I realized that I want to get some experience with underwater photography before I go, which means a trip somewhere not-so-expensive to learn (which will be expensive). It all adds up. Not cheap.

And then I started to think about all of the money I’ve spent this year on impulse. (Don’t ask me how much I spent on cosmetics I didn’t need this weekend…it’s embarrassing.) Makeup, eating out, music, etc, etc. It’s not that I don’t want these things (and really, I will never stop purchasing music…and yes I know I could get a lot of it for free, but being the capitalist pig that I am, I just can’t do it…see if you can make that one make sense). I blow money on a regular basis. I love to shop. I love new things. I love cosmetics and shoes. I love product. I love good food.

As I sat on my Southwest flight (still my favorite airline of all time) from Vegas to Salt Lake, I suddenly realized how immature I am in my spending decisions. I am all about instant gratification. I mean, I’m a grown up! Why should I have to control my spending? It’s my money (or will be when I earn it and pay off my student loans).

And therein lies the dilemma of decisions and sacrifice. Whenever I make a decision to do something, I am making an equal decision to not do something else. I know this probably sounds super basic, but I found it mind-blowing. Yes, I realize this is what is commonly known as opportunity cost…but somehow I never connected it with my personal life.

It’s one thing to think about the fact that I shouldn’t have such horrible impulse purchasing habits, it’s another to realize that I have purchased enough $14 eyeshadows (yes, I spend $14 on each little pot of pressed powder that I use to paint my face every morning) this year alone (academic, not calendar) to have paid for a diving trip…not to the Galapagos Islands, but to get me that much closer to my goal of fantastic underwater photography (or at least good enough to mount on my own wall).

Is that the most embarrasing thing ever? Probably not, but it’s pretty bad.

So, suddenly every decision I find myself making has become multi-faceted. It’s not just “should I do this?”, now it’s that plus “what am I giving up by choosing to do this?” I tell you what, it’s exhausting…and extremely rewarding.

Yesterday, the decision was running. I knew how hard it was going to be–a) I’m out of running shape, and b) I’m carrying around 20 lbs more than I was at this time last year–so, it would have been very easy for me to just put it off…again. I chose to run. The conversation in my head went something like this:

Instant Gratification Chloe: If you run, you have to take a shower again today and be back to school by 5 pm. If you don’t, you could go home and take a nap.

Self-Aware Chloe: True, but if I don’t run I am sacrificing a healthier me and risking my chances of finishing that stupid half-marathon at the end of March.

IG Chloe: See, you just called it stupid.

S-A Chloe: I wasn’t serious. In fact, the only stupid thing around here is going to be me if I don’t run.

IG Chloe: Really, that’s how it’s going to be. Running? Do you know how painful and agonizing this is going to be?

S-A Chloe: Yes, and when I’ve finished those four miles I will feel so good about myself, it will be totally worth the pain.

IG Chloe: What the hell? When did we decide on four miles?

And that was that.

It’s been a fascinating couple of days as I’ve listened to my inner dialogue and really come to terms with just how motivated I am by a “right here, right now” mentality.

travel time

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I spent my weekend (five days long…love having random school breaks) in Las Vegas. I had a fabulous time and didn’t want to ever leave (read: Chloe hates living in the snow, especially when all of her darling nieces and nephews live in warm, sunny, happy places). However, flying is one of my favorite things to do, so I at least welcomed the trip back to Utah.

I have flown often enough throughout my life, and especially over the last two years, that I have it down. I know which shoes I can and should wear. I know how to pack so that my liquids and laptop are at the ready when I need to remove them for security. I know what to pack on the plane (if I’m checking things) so that I have what I need for the flight. I’ve learned to not cut it so close that I end up annoyed by everyone who doesn’t know how to travel well. I don’t even mind turbulence (okay…I actually enjoy it sometimes). Basically, I have this flying stuff down (minus that one time when I left my passport in a German taxi). All of these things contribute to the reasons why I don’t dislike flying. But the reason I like flying is that I am completely disconnected for anywhere from an hour to eight, depending on the flight.

I don’t know if you know this about me, but I have a somewhat addictive personality (read: if I have tried something and like it, I’m pretty much addicted to it). This holds true of being technologically connected at all times. I honestly get depressed sometimes if I haven’t received enough emails or phone calls throughout the day. I am constantly checking to see if I have text messages. With my fabulous iPhone, I am connected 24/7 (and I don’t really get people who aren’t). But when I’m on a plane, I’m totally free…once the door closes and I have to turn off my phone. (Tonight, I was talking to my sister right until the point that the flight attendant walked by glaring at me.)

And during this disconnected time, I get to connect with myself; my thoughts, my feelings, my plans for the future. I get to have a deep conversation with me. (This is also why I love the gym…I refuse to take my phone in with me, however, the swearing that is often happening internally…and sometimes externally…often gets in the way of deep, meaningful internal dialogue.) Could I feasibly do this at home, without having to fly somewhere? Sure. Do I? Nope. Not ever. I don’t have that kind of discipline.

So, tonight, as I flew from Vegas to Salt Lake, I had some time to just think. It was fantastic. And what did I think about…besides the guy snoring loudly next to me? Decisions and sacrifices.

Rather than share with you the details of this internal dialogue, I think for now I will just leave you with that. Decisions and sacrifices. Some food for thought.

As a parting side note (although I think it much more focal than peripheral), I’m going to go ahead and share with you the etymology of the words sacrifice and decide (I love etymology):

Decide: From French décider or Latin decidere ‘cut off, decide’, from de- + caedere ‘cut’.

Sacrifice: From Latin sacrificium, the noun sacrifice, from the verb sacrificare, from sacer, sacred, + -ficium, deed, from the verb facere, do or make.

*I’ll share the minutiae of my inner dialogue tomorrow…for my own sake, although feel free to read all about it.

paris

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I was just so excited to have made it to Paris with no passport to speak of that I would have happily slept anywhere…especially after the cab driver was so fun and flirtatious. Have I mentioned that I love that I speak French?

However, this was not anywhere. This was by far the nicest hotel we stayed in…especially because the “triple” room was way too small, so we ended up getting two rooms. Tanya and I shared this one. It was fabulous! Holiday Inn Paris Gare de l’Est…it’s only a three-star, but I loved it…once we got the room thing figured out.

These are some random pictures I found on my camera. When I went to the embassy to get my new passport, I wasn’t sure what I would be able to take in with me, so I asked Tanya to bring my camera to me. As I sat in the embassy, waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting, Tanya and Erika were doing a little sightseeing and taking some pictures. I do love the metro sign above, though. So Parisian!




I wasn’t feeling fantastic, but there was no way I wasn’t going to let that ruin my one day in Paris. So what did I have for lunch? Cheese. Yes. Cheese…and a little bit of bread, and a Sprite. And that was after I’d already had a banana and Nutella crepe for breakfast.

Don’t you judge me!
And inside the Louvre. The breakdown of my day…four hours in the embassy, an hour wandering the Tuilerie Gardens, an hour eating lunch, three hours in the Louvre, Notre Dame, dinner, and the Eiffel Tower. Yes, that’s one packed day.


Yes, that would be throngs of people crowding the Mona Lisa. I don’t seem to remember it being this crowded the last time I was there. Nor do I remember the Mona Lisa in a room all by herself (or almost). But, it was ten years ago.








So, Erika didn’t really get why Tanya wanted so badly to see the Eiffel Tower…until she got there. It’s impressive. Apparently she didn’t realize how pretty it actually is. When you think about when it was built and the craftsmanship that went into it, it’s pretty amazing!

I know there’s only on picture of food on here…(I think there are more that Tanya took), but the restaurant where we had dinner was amazing, so I wanted to be sure to share that. (I didn’t take pictures because it was one of those places where you just don’t take pictures.) Brasserie Julien is in the 10eme arrondissement (for those of you who know Paris). It was just this great French restaurant with a kind of art-deco look. The service was slow (which, had we not been in a rush to get to the Eiffel Tower, I would have actually enjoyed), but the food was absolutely delicious. I loved it!

In case you are heading to Paris anytime soon and want a great (not inexpensive) restaurant (and have three hours to enjoy), here’s the address:
16, Rue Fbg St Denis
75010 Paris, France

a conference call

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So, this summer I am heading to New York to intern with this company. Many have questioned my judgment considering some of the offers I had. (I was very blessed and had great offers from a few Fortune 100 companies.) At times I have even wondered if I made the right decision. I definitely didn’t make the “easy” decision or the “safe” decision, but yesterday I remembered just why I made the decision I did. It is an AMAZING opportunity!

Yesterday I had a conference call with my program coordinator, the new full-time hires, the other summer associates (aka interns), our mentors, and the Head of HR (for the entire company). It was so great to talk to everyone, get a feel for the people with whom I’ll be working, hear where the company is heading (in terms of HR), and really feel like I’ll get the opportunity to do some very meaningful work.

Not to mention the fact that I’ll be in New York with Sarah, Candice, and Emily.

goals and sacrifices (as originally published on the other blog on january 1st)

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I’m not really a believer in “resolutions” per se (although I’ve been known to make them). What I do believe in are goals and “give ups” (read sacrifices).

So this year my “give up”? Carbonation in all it’s forms. Yes, even (and especially) Diet Coke. Just so you know, I’ve done this with chocolate, so it’s not unthinkable or unbelievable, no matter how unlikely it seems. I’ve also considered sacrificing a few of my favorite words…but since I already used one today, it may be more than I can handle. It’s still under consideration, it just wouldn’t be for a whole year (1 day shy is all).

My goals for the year? I currently have one that I will be sharing publicly. I will be running another marathon (yes, just one…if two or three happen, great).

And I am still working on my word of the year. For 2008, it was kindness. I can’t say that I’ve been total successful, but definitely more aware. I’m considering patience, but I think that might be asking for it. Hopefully during my 14+ hours of travel tomorrow, I can figure it out.