Category Archives: music

random thoughts at 3 am

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Really, I have 25 posts floating in my head…but I don’t have time to fully develop any of them, so here are some random thoughts.

  1. I am pretty direct and sometimes I don’t think people know how to deal with it. I don’t believe in agreeing with someone just to be agreeable. I don’t believe in telling someone that something is “fine” if it isn’t. I don’t believe that I “have” to be friends with anyone. And I think if people are going to ask how I’m doing, they should actually want to know because I am actually going to tell them. What it boils down to is sincerity. I try to be sincere. And sometimes, I sincerely offend people.
  2. Writing essays for grad school makes me feel totally inadequate and relatively stupid…not something I’m used to. Yes, the truth is, I generally think I’m not just adequate, but quite accomplished, and I rarely feel stupid. Oh, back to number 1, I don’t believe in false modesty.
  3. I love meeting new people…in small groups. I love getting to know them. I love learning about them. And I love when I get to do this while eating delicious food at a restaurant I’ve never been to. That was my evening tonight. I went to The Dodo with Laralee, Dana, and Denise. The company and food were fantastic.
  4. I don’t love most things about snow, but there is one thing I do love. I love how, at night, the world is so quiet. I don’t know if you’ve ever had the chance to stand outside at night in the snow, but I love it. I could stand for hours just listening to the silence.
  5. While I understand the economics of a dollar movie, I cannot understand the disgustingness (yes, it’s not a word) of the dollar theater. So gross. The thing is, being economical (or poor enough that you can’t afford normal movies…which is about where I am these days) is no excuse for throwing your popcorn on the ground, or letting your children run around barefoot, or not flushing a toilet. And do they pay their employees way less, so they don’t expect them to wipe off counters, clean bathrooms, and sweep the theater. I just don’t understand.
  6. Sarah and I met Dan Keys last night. If you have no idea who that is, he is the lead singer of Young Love. I love YL and I love Dan Keys. Young Love was the opener for the opener for Say Anything. We pretty much just went to hear Young Love. We left right after they played, but not before heading to the merch table to say hi (and swoon just a little). I’m sorry, but he is just super sexy. And tall. And his voice makes me melt. Here are my two favorite songs (in acoustic form) off of their self-titled album.
  7. I talk a lot. Sometimes I feel like I totally monopolize conversations. And sometimes I know I’m doing it and just can’t seem to stop myself. Why is that? Why can’t I shut up?
  8. Sarah and I will be singing at Big Shot Karaoke on Thursday. This should be a good time.
  9. Sometimes, I worry about things over which I have no control. Well, maybe not worry, but I definitely think about them. A lot. And often. I wish I could stop doing that.
  10. I have really, really weird dreams when I take naps. I think that’s part of the reason I don’t really like taking naps. And often, those weird dreams involve scenarios that allow me to act out my deep seeded, almost subconscious, desires to tell someone off. They make me feel like a bad person.
  11. Even though, colloquially, it’s common to end a sentence with a preposition, I have a really hard time doing it, even when not doing it means that I sound super formal and kind of geeky.
  12. I should really go to bed because I really am tired. I just don’t want to. And do you know why I don’t want to? Because I don’t want to wash and moisturize my face or brush and floss my teeth or brush my retainer and put it in my mouth. (Yes, I still wear a retainer at 29…my dad paid good money for my teeth, I’m not about to let them move.) I hate getting ready for bed. Hate it. But I can’t sleep if I don’t do the full routine…except the retainer part. This is a struggle every night. How dumb is that?
  13. On Wednesday, I was supposed to take my French midterm. I didn’t feel ready, so I asked for extra time. Ask me how much I’ve studied? I bet you can guess.
  14. I love Christmas music. My favorite to listen to is David Lanz’s album, Christmas Eve. However, I also love singing Christmas music. I know it’s only October, but in preparation for the season, here’s my favorite David Lanz song, Angels We Have Heard on High, and here I am singing (along with 350 other people) The First Noel and Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring.
  15. Just about the only thing I miss about my undergrad experience…singing. There is nothing like singing in a huge choir, especially a capella . And it’s something that you can’t just throw together, you know, huge numbers of people who can sing in tune. I still sing, but it is not the same. I wish I could explain it. But, since I can’t, I’ll just share one more song with you. Since it’s Sunday, here’s one of my most favorite hymns, Where Can I Turn for Peace?
  16. Tomorrow (well, today) we are having a little friends’ dinner. Soup in bread bowls, salad and miniature pumpkin cheesecakes with cinnamon crusts. I’m so excited. ETA – in case anyone thinks I never mess up cooking, I totally over baked both the crust and the cheesecake. I’ll take some pictures so you can see what happens if you over bake cheesecake. It’s ugly. The good news is, neither event has ruined the taste (perhaps the texture is a little off, but not horrible).
  17. Okay…it’s time to get ready for bed. Oh the pain! It’s funny how easy it is to whine about getting ready for bed when there are so many people who don’t have the luxury of a) getting ready for bed or b) having a bed to sleep in. I hate that my mind works this way. I can never just feel sorry for myself and sometimes, I really want to.

musical memory flashback

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Without music life would be a mistake.
~Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

I love music! I know I’ve shared this many, many times. Music packs so many emotions with it, and then you combine it with memories that correspond to different music phases in your life (at least in my life) and you have a very powerful combination. Certain songs can instantly transform my mood and transport me to a different place.

This weekend, as I was writing essays (pre-mental breakdown…which, by the way, is much better), I was listening to music, as I am wont to do at any given minute of any day. Rascal Flatts just came out with a new album and I happened to be listening to that. Yes, I am a music lover who likes it all, including country…and my snobby music friends still like me (yes…I just called you snobby). While, obviously the album is new and I am creating new memories with it, it is very similar to their first album (thank goodness…I did not love the last one).

While listening I had, what I call, a musical memory flashback. There are certain songs that I can guarantee will do that for me. This was a little different because it was new music, but Rascal Flatts’ first album was a favorite while I was involved with The Canadian and this new album brought back those memories.

I loved The Canadian. Even better than how I felt about him was how he made me feel about me. He was probably the kindest of all the boys (always boys…maybe when I’m 30 I’ll start calling them “men” or at least “guys”) with whom I have ever been involved. He made me feel like a Pulitzer Prize winning super model/goddess. So much kindness and love and respect.

For a while, after things ended between us and I had moved on to different, less kind boys, I somehow bought into this weird belief that the only reason The Canadian treated me so well and said such nice things to me was that I was a little out of his league, that being involved with someone in my league* meant I would feel “just good enough” all the time. Sometimes my head gets filled with crazy notions that take a while to dispel.

Back to Saturday…so I was listening to the new album, this song in particular, and I started to feel all of these happy feelings. I thought about this fling of sorts. I started to think about The Canadian and how he made me feel. I thought about how integral that relationship was in my life. It is the relationship by which I have determined (as of Saturday) to judge all others, in terms of kindness and respect. It is nice to have such wonderful memories fill my soul with just the sound of a song. It is nice to realize that I deserve to be with someone who makes me feel that good. And to realize that I always want the person I am with to feel as good as The Canadian made me feel. And all of that from a song. That is the power of music.


*I am not really a believer in “leagues”…I have decided to subscribe to the “comfort” theory. I think you should always feel “comfortable” with the person you are with. If you are out with the Significant Other and his/her friends, you should not feel above or below them, and if you bring the S.O. out with your friends, if you are constantly worried about how everyone will interact, that’s a bad sign, as well. You have chosen your friends for a reason…the S.O. should fit in with them. And that’s how I feel about that.

14 miles that didn’t happen

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*Photos to come…I couldn’t take my camera, so I have to wait until Sarah posts some on her blog and steal them.

For the first time since beginning my path to the finish line, I skipped out on a long run. Having read my struggle with last week’s (that I did this week) long run, I hope you are able to grasp just how exhausted I must have been to miss out on a long run. I went to bed Friday night fully intending to run. I knew I was tired and it was a shorter run (you know, as compared to 18 or 20 miles) so I set my alarm for 7:30. It’s cooled off quite a bit, and my run was four miles longer on Monday, so I figured starting a bit later would be fine.

My alarm went off at 7:30 am. I grabbed the alarm (aka my cell phone) and turned it off. No snooze. No argument in my head. No voice with which to reckon. It was over before it began. And, do you know what? I slept until 11:00 am! I was so tired. Normally, I’m not one for sleeping in, even when I have the time. It creates what my brother Brad calls a “blah day”. I know you know what I’m talking about, and while sleeping in may not be the cause of a “blah day” in your world, it is in mine.

However, in this whole journey of running and weight loss I am really coming to know myself, my limitations and my strengths. And yesterday, my body just couldn’t do it. Between my crazy first week of the semester at work, beginning a class, diving into the grad school application process, a religion class, and various social engagements, sleep was just not on the priority list. I think part of the problem was also that, due to my lack of running during the week, I had a lot of built up stress. I’m amazed at how exercising really gives energy more than it takes it.

In any case, I was so tired yesterday that I couldn’t even stay awake long enough to argue my way into or out of running. In fact, I barely remember turning off the alarm. The good news is, due to a full social calendar yesterday (which included only one event, but took most of my day), I did not have a “blah day”. In fact, I’ve discovered that the only remedy for potential blahness is participation in a meaningful, useful, or somehow otherwise enriching activity.

Yesterday, it was the Jamboree Music Festival. I headed over to Sarah’s at about 1:00 pm. We weren’t sure exactly what time we wanted to get there, but we figured we had a little time to spare, so we headed to lunch and then to Barnes and Noble…where I purchased a book on resumes. We then headed to the festival.

It was fantastic. The first few bands that we heard were not bands that either of us were a) familiar with or b) super impressed by, but they provided for some great background music as I read through my book of MBA application essays (yes, I have a one-track-mind right now) and periodically looked up to people watch. I love people watching! And Sarah is one of my favorite people with whom to people watch. I could sit all day and just do that.

After a few mediocre, but full of potential, bands played (and I include Colbie Caillat in that bunch…she’s just not that good live), The Format finally took the stage and so my attention was turned completely to the stage (and gawking at the bad dancers who surrounded us). The Format is so good live. I was a fan before, but something about hearing a band you love playing live and doing it well, it’s just enough to make a girl swoon.

They were followed by Toad the Wet Sprocket who made jokes about the fact that many members of the audience would probably find their tunes vaguely familiar, as they probably heard them in the womb. Of course, I am not among that group and remember well the days when I would put “Walk on the Ocean” on repeat. Oh wait, not repeat. Repeat didn’t exist in my tape deck. When I would listen to it and then rewind the cassette, trying to master my timing so as to stop the rewind process at the beginning of the song. Those were the days.

Last, and most importantly, was Dashboard Confessional (and Justin, they played your new favorite…it was amazing). Sarah went over while Toad was still on and was standing about two feet from Chris Carrabba. As she’s the superfan, I stayed at the blanket to ensure we didn’t lose our spot or our stuff. What a show. I wish you all could have been there. Seriously incredible. Great musicians and great performers. And how glad was I that I hadn’t run, but chose to slept in so that I wasn’t completely miserable during the concert? Very, very glad.

And that is how my non-running left me happy and content. There will be no repeat of said non-running between now and the marathon, but it was a nice break. Tomorrow, the running is back in action, full force.

13.1 miles…and a realization of insanity

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So, 13 miles was the run today. I tacked on the .1 for good measure and because I wanted to complete a half marathon.

What I would like to talk about today is the fact that I came to the conclusion while running these 13 miles that I am insane. Totally and completely off my rocker. I just ran 13.1 miles. And I hurt. And I’m tired. And, for the first time ever, I had to stop in the middle of a run to use a bathroom. No one should ever run so far that they can’t make it all the way through before they have to pee.

And, as I was suffering all I kept thinking is, “Wow, when I finish this damn (yes…I swear sometimes, especially when I’m running 13 miles) run, I will have run HALF of a marathon. HALF! THAT’S IT! WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?!”

Well, I guess it’s a little late to consider that now. I’m in it. I’ve come this far. And more than anything, I have publicized this whole experience to the point that I can’t quit. Plus, I have this disease. I believe I’ve mentioned it before. It’s called the “all or nothing disease”. I can’t do things half-way. So…all it is…and all it will continue to be.

A few other realizations…after last week’s run and today’s, I have discovered that I hit my groove at about mile 7. See, sane people would never find that out because they would run 3 miles, hating every mile, and be done. That’s a good amount of exercise…enough to keep one healthy and happy. No one ever needs to find out that it takes them seven miles to get into a groove. SEVEN FLIPPING MILES!

Okay…I think I’m done now. After all of that, I must admit that I feel pretty good (emotionally, that is…physically, I’m hashed). I did my farthest run to date. I kept my pace, I managed to avoid any blisters (something I didn’t do on my “short” midweek six-miler), I added another mile of uphill, I learned that I can stop to use the restroom and keep going afterwards, and I burned 1975 calories. That’s over half a pound. Crazy! I guess all of the weight loss makes sense when I add up all of the calories I manage to burn while running. Just kidding…I did get one blister.

So, while I now realize just how crazy I am, I’m not quite ready to ask for help or give it up. I’m addicted.

And a few of my favorite things before I publish the playlist:

And the playlist…most of these songs I already made available last week. The few new ones I will try to make available for downloading…but I don’t have the time right now. Running 13 miles takes a chunk out of a person’s day. And, as you’ll notice, I changed my slow songs back to every sixth song…this seems to work better for me than every fifth. As for notes…I am getting the playlist thing down. I got the right songs in the right places. I have no complaints today…about the music that is.

  1. Freedom 90 6:30 George Michael
  2. in too deep 3:29 sum 41
  3. Summer Love 4:15 Justin Timberlake
  4. i didnt steal your boyfriend 3:04 ashlee simpson
  5. Workout Plan 2:52 Kanye West
  6. If You Were Here 2:57 Thompson Twins
  7. beautiful love 4:09 The Afters
  8. My Love (Feat. T.I.) 4:36 Justin Timberlake
  9. How We Operate 5:28 Gomez
  10. Every Other Time 4:07 LFO
  11. LOVE 2:37 ashlee simpson
  12. Big girls don’t cry 4:28 Fergie
  13. Lifetime (radio) 3:29 better than ezra
  14. Simply Being Loved 4:21 BT
  15. Witch In The Ditch 3:44 Erasure
  16. Glamorous (Feat. Ludacris) 4:06 Fergie
  17. Fit But You Know It 4:14 The Streets
  18. Fields of Gold 3:33 Sting & Edin Karamazov
  19. Do It 4:04 Spice Girls
  20. what about us 3:57 Brandy
  21. Mr. Brightside 3:41 The Killers
  22. i wanna have your babies 3:34 Natasha Bedingfield
  23. Just The Girl 3:50 The Click Five
  24. No One Is to Blame 3:59 Emile Millar
  25. Dance Dance 5:02 Fall Out Boy
  26. I See You Baby 4:03 Groove Amada
  27. Get Over It 3:16 ok go
  28. Summer Girls 4:19 LFO
  29. Clothes Off 3:55 Gym Class Heroes
  30. A Sorta Fairytale 5:29 Tori Amos
  31. Irreplaceable 3:47 Beyoncé
  32. knock ’em out 2:53 Lily Allen
  33. Workout Plan 2:52 Kanye West
  34. Hot ‘n’ Cold Pussycat 4:11 Basement Jaxx vs.
  35. Girl From the Gutter 3:58 Kina
  36. Lay Lady Lay 4:37 Magnet
  37. in too deep 3:29 sum 41
  38. SexyBack 4:02 Justin Timberlake
  39. Yummy 4:57 Gwen Stefani

12 miles of music

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So, here’s the playlist…I didn’t hear the first 9 songs very well because I had my headphones (ear huggers) hugging my tank top rather than my ears. It was weird to listen to myself breathe while running. I didn’t really like it. Maybe it was the fact that I was also straining my ears to hear any movement of the crazy man in the bushes. I don’t know. But I was very happy once it was light enough that I felt safe to put the headphones in!

Anyway, as you’ll see, this week’s playlist was a tribute to teeny-boppers everywhere. As k8 says, “I’m pretty sure my 16-year-old self would approve.” Well, except for the fact that some of these songs could use a little editing…something I didn’t necessarily realize when I put them on the playlist.

Anything not in black is download-able. Enjoy!

  1. in too deep 3:29 sum 41
  2. Summer Love 4:15 Justin Timberlake
  3. if i could go 4:14 Angie martinez
  4. suga suga 3:42 Baby Bash
  5. If You Were Here 2:57 Thompson Twins
  6. i didnt steal your boyfriend 3:04 ashlee simpson
  7. Workout Plan 2:52 Kayne West
  8. beautiful love 4:09 The Afters
  9. My Love (Feat. T.I.) 4:36 Justin Timberlake
  10. Big girls don’t cry 4:28 Fergie (this is when one headphone went into my ear)
  11. pump it 3:38 Black eyed peas
  12. Voulez-Vous Danser 3:20 Ace Of Base
  13. Every Other Time 4:07 LFO
  14. LOVE 2:37 ashlee simpson
  15. No One Is to Blame 3:59 Emile Millar
  16. Lifetime (radio) 3:29 better than ezra (and this is when both headphones went in)
  17. breathe 3:48 Blu Cantrell
  18. calling you 4:22 Blue October
  19. Boys (The Co-Ed Remix) 3:47 Britney Spears Feat. Pharrell Williams
  20. Fields of Gold 3:33 Sting & Edin Karamazov
  21. Do It 4:04 Spice Girls
  22. LoveStoned 7:24 Justin Timberlake
  23. I’ve Just Begun 3:23 Britney Spears
  24. what about us 3:57 Brandy
  25. A Sorta Fairytale 5:29 Tori Amos
  26. me & u 4:20 Cassie
  27. Just The Girl 3:50 The Click Five
  28. All Falls Down 3:43 Kanye West
  29. I See You Baby 4:03 Groove Amada Feat, Gram’ma Funk
  30. Resolution 3:49 Nick Lachey
  31. Summer Girls 4:19 LFO
  32. in too deep 3:29 sum 41
  33. Clothes Off 3:55 Gym Class Heroes
  34. Workout Plan 2:52 Kayne West
  35. Lay Lady Lay 4:37 Magnet
  36. Saturday Night Divas 4:25 Spice Girls