Category Archives: dear you

dear you…inspired by a wedding

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Dear Brechard (yes, we’ve decided that’s how you will be referred to from now on…like Brangelina, only more fun to say),

Congratulations! It was so fun to see you both looking so happy and smitten today. And I’m glad to know at least I’ll have two friends left in Happy Valley next year. Oh, and when you read the “wedding fortunes” (i.e. advice), all the spiritual stuff ISN’T mine. My advice would be the stuff you’d be embarrassed to read in front of other people. Just trying to keep it real, you know. Oh, and the stuff that kind of makes fun of Richard is probably (definitely) mine, too. And the stuff that’s honest about marriage (you know, not idealized), that would be Jen’s.

You both looked absolutely amazing. Oh, and the reception was beautiful, too.

Sending my good thoughts your way,

Chloe

Dear Jen and Somebody,

It was so great to have you here. I really wish you would move back to P-town. I love that when you visit, it is like no time has passed at all. We fall right back into rhythm with conversations that move a mile a minute and laughter that doesn’t stop. I’m so glad that you guys could come visit. I promise I’ll make it out to Kansas one of these days.And thanks for an excuse to have raclette, again. I’m so glad you liked it!

Love,

The girl who’s so glad she sat next to Jen in American Heritage almost 13 years ago

Dear people who showed up late to the ceremony,

Seriously? What part of “please arrive 30 minutes early” did you not understand? When you arrive in the room after the bride and groom, that’s a bad sign. And when you’re family, it’s even worse. If you didn’t know how I felt about punctuality, you should. I think being late is incredibly selfish and disrespectful. But at a wedding, it’s just unacceptable.

Love,

The girl who is late on occasion, but only when it’s fashionable (i.e. never to a wedding), or when she’s called (I’m not perfect…or so I’m told)

Dear “Cuddlebugs”,

Gross. I mean, we were at someone else’s wedding, not yours. And they weren’t being gross like you. Was it absolutely necessary for you to drape your arms all over each other? To press your faces into one another’s ears anytime you wanted to whisper anything? To suck face during the ceremony? To sit on laps? To kiss in someone else’s wedding photos?

You are disgusting and I am sad and embarrassed for you and your children. May I never see you again. Or any of your kind.

Sincerely (yes, I sincerely mean that you are gross),

The girl who was trying to stab you with her eyes

Dear Utah weather,

WTH? I’m sick of you. Sick. Of. You. Today started out all nice, and then the wind began. I left AZ. I should not have to put up with dust storms here. And it made for rough photo conditions. Thankfully, Sarah, Jen, Somebody, and I still managed a great photo shoot. Oh, and the wedding shots went okay as well. But…you could have helped out a little. Seriously.


With fire in my eyes for you,

Chloe

Dear friends who ran yesterday morning while I was at Brechard’s wedding,

I’m sad I couldn’t join you running the Salt Lake Marathon and/or Half, but I was thinking about you; partly because I couldn’t get to the wedding as easily because my exit was close, but mainly because I’m so proud of all of you, but especially Hannah, who was running her first half (welcome to the club). Way to go! And, truth be told, with my cold and lack of training, I might have died. Literally. So it was probably better that I was at a wedding.

With much admiration and love,

Chloe

dear you…inspired by the emotional roller coaster i’ve been riding all day

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From the top…

Dear Job,

The truth is I’m pretty much over you. While the position of glorified secretary was exactly what I needed for the last year and a half, you have now outstayed your welcome…or I have outstayed mine, as the case may be. I’m tired of rarely needing to use my brain. I’m tired of feeling guilty because my actual work takes very little time…or thought. I’m tired of being surrounded by the inefficiencies of academia. I’m tired of working for a “not-for-profit” type of operation. Yep…I’m done. But, I refuse to leave a trail of chaos behind, so I am going to work my tail off for the next five weeks or so. But, I must say, May 9th will be a good day. Although, I will miss several of the people with whom I work…though not all of them.

With much impatience,

Chloe

Dear Coworkers,

I was referring to the job, not you. And if you are reading this, it’s because you know it exists, which would be a clear indication that you are one of the people I am going to miss.

Love,

Chloe

Dear Nev,

Sometimes you really, really, really hurt my feelings. And sometimes you are really grumpy. And sometimes those two things, combined with PMS, will cause me to cry intermittently all day long. I realize that in your world, fiscal responsibility is the end all be all of goodness in a human being. However, I do not live in your world. I live in my world.

With a tear-stained face and puffy eyes,

Chloe

Dear BFFs,

Thanks for wanting to go to lunch with me today and sitting through all of my tears. Thanks for chatting with me online and being sympathetic even though your situation is similar…and perhaps more difficult than my own. Thanks for letting me rain on your respective parades. Thanks for being good listeners. It’s a good thing we have the internet, or all of your relocations would be too much for me to handle.

Love,

Chloe

Dear Ticket Scalpers,

I think you are evil. I know that’s harsh, but I really do. I know many of you have justifications for why you did what you did today, but I really do think it’s wrong, especially for an event held in celebration of our nation’s birthday. Especially when the people most excited to see Mylie Cyrus are kids and tweenies. Especially when this is an event that some families go to every year as part of their family tradition and now they won’t be able to, unless they are willing to pay 2-10 times the original ticket price. Especially when I was online right when the tickets went on sale and I couldn’t even get one. I hope some of you reconsider.

Just remember, Karma’s a b#@!$ and She generally gets her revenge.

And to those of you who are considering purchasing tickets from scalpers, I hope you will take the opportunity to think about the value of money and what you are teaching your children by doing so. Mylie Cyrus is going to be paid either way. Do you really want your children growing up believing that one show was so “important” that is was worth hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars?

Sincerely,

A girl who is totally disgusted by the things people will do to make money

Dear Birth Mothers,

You are amazing women. Thank you for being so absolutely and completely selfless.

With all the sincerity and love I have,

Chloe

Dear Siblings,

Thank you for being fabulous! Thank you for listening to me go on and on…and on today, and attempting to understand me through all of my tears. Thank you for knowing me so well that when you answered the phone, you knew something was wrong before I even started talking. Thank you for your sound advice…and sitting on the phone with me much longer than I’m sure you wanted to. And thank you for being honest with me, so that when you agreed with me today, I could feel totally validated in my anger, frustration and hurt feelings. Thank you for providing me with beds and couches to crash on, places to visit, and, occasionally, income. I feel pretty blessed.

Love,

Your sister, who really hopes that she gives you guys as much as you give her

Dear Eyes,

I am really, really sorry about today. I know you never give me any grief. You don’t even have any vision issues. But I manage to cause you pain frequently enough. But really, it’s not me, it’s my over active tear ducts. Blame them. I’m sorry you are going to be so sore and swollen tomorrow. I am going to try really hard not to cry anymore…but I’m guessing it’s not going to work. I know that’s not the most positive way of thinking, but I have to be honest. Just know that your pain is my pain, too.

Sincerely,

The girl with the Scandinavian genetics that really bug her from time to time

Dear WWs’ Scale,

Please be nice to me tomorrow. Pretty, pretty please.

Sincerely,

The girl who is back…finally…with lots and lots of support

Dear PMS,

Why is it that you always, always come when I have a bad day; a day that I could normally handle without too much grief…or any tears? I’m sick of you.

With no love…especially since your existence is not doing me any good whatsoever,

Chloe

dear you…brought to you by irritating people everywhere

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Dear crappy drivers (of which there seems to be an abundance here in Utah),

I was going to write a letter about how you make my life miserable, but as I was driving to the airport last week, I realized that without you, driving would not be nearly as fun. Without you, I would never get to pass on the right, which I happen to find very enjoyable. Without you, driving would not be like playing Frogger, one of the best video games ever made. Without you, I would not be able to keep up with my siblings’ incredible driving abilities (Vegas and Phoenix give the greater Salt Lake area a run for its money).

Without you, my eyes would not be constantly scanning traffic for holes and alleys, making it so that I wouldn’t see cops as easily as I currently do. Sure, I might get places a little faster, but I’d probably have lots more tickets (and no people, a ticket is not an indication of bad driving, just breaking the law). Without you, I wouldn’t get the adrenaline rush that comes from speed combined with the fear of some idiot cutting me off when I’m in the left lane, which, incidentally, is known as “the passing lane” in California (where the majority of the country’s good drivers come from, in my humble, unbiased opinion) because you are supposed to use it to pass people. So, from the bottom of my heart, I thank you. I look forward to seeing you on the roads this afternoon as I head to the airport, yet again.

Sincerely,

A girl who absolutely loves driving (it’s parking in the snow that sometimes presents problems)

Dear girls behind Sarah and me in line at the Mika concert,

I have so much I want to say, but since it’s obvious that your 18-year-old minds can only handle so much, I’ll just start with one concept (two words, but one concept…is that too confusing?): personal space. Once you have that one down, come back to me and we can discuss the next topic.

Sincerely,

The girl who, thankfully, was not actually stuck next to you as she would not have been as polite as Sarah was

Dear take-out girl at Buffalo Wild Wings,

I’m not sure where to begin. There were so many things wrong with what happened on Saturday. So. Many. Things. First, you didn’t take the order down right, evidently. Then, even the parts you did get right, you didn’t check. Those two things could happen to anyone. I mean, it’s got to be pretty hard work manning the take-out counter on a relatively slow Saturday afternoon.

But then. Then. When I drove down to get the blue cheese dressing that you (yes, YOU) had forgotten to give us, that is when you really messed up. Have you ever heard the term “customer service”? Do you know what it means? If you have, you must have been having a really, really, really bad day. I could have dealt with a lot. I’ve worked in a service industry before. I know it’s not fun to deal with mistakes when people are upset (note: I wasn’t actually upset when I first went in). But when you rolled your eyes at me, that did it. And the best part is, I’m me, so I called you on it. I bet you weren’t expecting that one. I hope you think twice before being so rude next time.

Sincerely,

A girl who is really quite understanding of mishaps and mistakes, just not eye rolling

Dear people who think your opinions should be everyone’s opinions,

Do you not get how annoying that is? When people stop talking to you mid-conversation, do you not understand that it’s because you aren’t listening to them and you don’t care about seeing any point of view but your own and they know that any more talking is just a waste of oxygen. When you sit and ask yourself why you have a hard time keeping friends, think about this…people probably don’t really like you. Who wants to be friends with someone who is so closed minded? I know you think you are being helpful, at times, but really, you’re more annoying than anything else. In fact, there are probably people who do things just to spite you. Yes. Spite.

And lest you think sharing this makes me like you, I assure you it does not. You can continue to be the way you have been. And if you want to argue with me about how your forcing of your opinions on others is actually a win-win, go for it. Of course, you will only be confirming everything I just wrote. It’s your call.

Sincerely,

A very opinionated person who is happy to hear the opinions of others (it is possible)

Dear people who get angry about things over which you have zero control,

I’m sorry. It sucks. I have the same problem. And sometimes, it just feels good to get really angry…at least for a minute.

With pumping adrenaline and a racing heart,

Chloe

Dear foolishly naive administrator dude,

I’m a pretty smart cookie, so when you started running numbers and thinking you were being so sly and that somehow you were going to be able to bill my department and the patients for the same service, did you really think that I wasn’t going to notice? I realize that you are pretty old and come from a generation where women were “silent secretaries” and you didn’t have to take us seriously, so let be the first to welcome you to the new millennium.

With regret concern for the PTSD my objection may have caused you,

Chloe

Dear hinters,

We all know what you want, so just be straight forward about it because, guess what, if you sit by me while I’m eating and talk about how good my food smells, I’m not going to offer it to you. I will, however, respond to your hinting with such things as, “You know, it actually tastes even better than it smells!” or “You are right, it does smell fantastic!” Just ask for a bite. I’ll give you one.

And, if you want to tell a story, just say, “I have a story for you.” Or better yet, just tell the story. If you think dropping some kind of intended attention-grabbing sentence is going to get me to ask you about the story, you are sadly mistaken. In fact, the second I sense that is what’s happening, I’m going to ignore your attempts to get me to ask about it. In fact, I’ll probably change the subject. I’m going to force you to either be assertive or live dying to tell your story.

Hoping that you will understand the direct communication we just had, as it is not in your native tongue,

Chloe

dear you…inspired by the voices in my head

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Dear Common Denominator,

Why the heck can’t you see that the problem is you? You are the only common factor in your seemingly endless trials and frustrations. Would you just figure it out already?

Sincerely,

The girl who is tired of listening to you go on and on and on about how you don’t understand how this happened to you…again

Dear OCD,

Really, it’s time to just stop manifesting yourself in me. I cannot make a decision about where to go to school when I have not yet learned of all my options. And maybe there won’t be any options, and then think of the hours I will have wasted thanks to you and your ever present nagging.

Without any love at all,

The girl you try to send over the edge from the time she wakes up until she goes to sleep…and sometimes even in her dreams

Dear Chubs,

Here’s the thing. If I am ever going to lose weight and feel good about how I look, you are going to have to die. I’m sorry. I now that’s cruel and I’m not really a fan of the death penalty (at least not when I’m killing part of myself), but you and the person I want to become cannot coexist. You are going to have to go. And since it has become apparent that you are not going to leave of your own volition, I must kill you. It may take me a while, and I promise it is going to hurt me more than you realize, but I believe our time together needs to come to an end.

Sincerely,

The girl who is terrified of a reality she has yet to experience, but one who sees that she can’t stand the one she knows any longer

Dear Money Bags,

You know you don’t really exist, right? I know that you think you do. But you don’t. Money does not grow on trees (at least not in my world), so it’s about time you shut up. It is getting ridiculous. I thought that if I stopped going into stores, the tempting and taunting would slowly dissipate. But no. It doesn’t matter that I’m not faced with an onslaught of items I want to purchase for myself or someone else. I have memories of things I wish to purchase and it’s like you have a list of those memories and you just can’t stop sharing. I am sick of you. Why don’t you go bug someone who actual has the means to listen to you?

Sincerely,

The girl who really wants to always pay cash for anything she needs and/or wants for herself or someone else

Dear Historian,

Let it go, already. I can’t change the past. I can’t change my mistakes. I can’t change what I’ve already done. I’ve learned what I can from the past. Why must you constantly berate me with the should’ve, could’ve, and would’ves? I mean, don’t you think I would go back and change things if I could?

Sincerely,

The girl who doesn’t understand why you think she’s a complete idiot

Dear Injured One,

Sometimes people are going to hurt my feelings. Sometimes people are going to be mean on purpose. And sometimes, believe it or not, a person is going to come along who just doesn’t like me. I’m okay with that, or I was until you piped up. I need you to stop whining and let me be. I know I’m a special shade of crazy. I’ve made my peace with it. Why can’t you?

Sincerely,

The girl who just wants to enjoy her life without worrying about whether someone likes her

Dear Pessimist,

You have been around for a long time. You rarely say anything because you know I rarely listen, and yet…it has finally come to my awareness that your timing, above anyone else’s, is absolutely impeccable. You know exactly when to pop up. And I’m so not used to hearing from you that you always catch me off guard. You wait until I am weak, after something else has gotten me down, and then, BAM!, there you are, in my face, and I have nothing left to stop you. The thing is, I always end up with new weapons in my arsenal, so maybe it’s time you just let me be. Fighting you is so exhausting and the collateral damage is totally unnecessary. I mean, you are never going to win the war, so can’t you just give up the battles, too.

Sincerely,

The girl who is totally optimistic at heart, but sometimes just gets squashed

P.S. I don’t really have voices in my head…well, none that aren’t my own.

dear you…brought to you by the st. george marathon

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Dear Readers,

Thank you for being so supportive. Thank you for visiting my blog. Thank you for all of your comments, but most especially the ones leading up to this race. They were so fun to read from my phone (I love that I can check my email…even without some fancy phone) and so inspirational.

As you read the following letters and you start to think, “wow, she is really long winded and these aren’t as funny as usual” (yes, Justin, I know I write too much), I want you to think about the fact that you are sitting on your butt, at a computer, in the comfort of your home, or office. You are not exerting yourself while reading this. You aren’t risking exhaustion, muscle cramps, injury, or dehydration. So, while these letters may go on forever, I hope that you’ll humor me and read them. And when you are done, I hope that you’ll look at your watch, see that 40 minutes have passed and think, “Wow, Chloe ran for over eight times that long.”

In all seriousness, this was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. A lot of it had more to do with the road to get to the marathon than the actual marathon, but the marathon itself was definitely a huge part of it. Besides all of my wonderful blogging buddies (those I know and those I don’t), I have fantastic friends and family who have supported me along the way. Many thought I was crazy (and, truth be told, I am just a bit), but they still supported me. Thanks for all that you do for me. Thanks for sharing your wonderful stories, music, thoughts, experiences and love. The journey is so much sweeter because of you.

Sincerely,

Chloe

Dear Jennifer,

Thanks for being such an inspiration. And thanks for the rad quote from Lance Armstrong. We repeated it over and over and over again. “Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever.”

Love,

Chloe

Dear race organizers,

Well done. From picking up our packets to finishing the race, the whole experience was amazing. Although getting on the bus at 4:00 am was a bit painful, even that wasn’t so bad. And, once we got to the top and discovered just how cold it was, we were sure glad that we got up that early because those free gloves for the first 1,000 bus riders were totally worth it. I don’t know what I would have done without them.

Sincerely,

A first time marathoner

Dear firestarters (no, not Drew Barrymore),

Thank you. Seriously. I wasn’t really expecting to run while smelling like a campfire, but it was totally worth the smell for the warmth. Who knew that it would really be that cold. I didn’t. I mean, I had a sweatshirt, but it was cold. I mean COLD!!! But the 30+ fires definitely helped.

Thank you,

The girl who never thinks she’s going to be as cold as she is

Dear guy in the blue spandex who felt the need to tuck his shirt in while standing around the fire,

Seriously? How could your wife be standing right there and let you do that? I promise, I’m not a perv…but my eyes…well, it was like flies to poo. There was nothing I could do. It will be years before that image leaves me. Years! I may have to sue you for damages.

Sincerely,

A girl who may need to see a therapist for PTSD

Dear friendly running guys who talked to Anne and me by the fire,

It was so nice to meet you. It was fun to hear that you met through running, the same way Anne and I did. I hope that ten years from now, when Anne and I are running our umpteenth marathon, we will be able to share the same story with someone.

Sincerely,

The runner who loves her new little world…that’s not really so little

Dear St. George,

What can I say? You are gorgeous! Sometimes, I really don’t love living in Utah, and then I do something like this, and I remember just how great you are. Thanks for being so pretty.

Love,

The runner who was happy to have so many beautiful things to look at

Dear sign makers,

You are my new favorite people. Anyone out there who hasn’t run a race (well, a longer race) should know that it’s worth it just to read the signs. They are hilarious, and inspiring, and entertaining, and sometimes, obnoxious. Really, Heather Hays’ boyfriend, the first five signs were cute. The last 25…not so cute. In fact, I would say they were bordering on stalker-esque. Really, kind of weird. But the rest of you, fantastic!!!

Thanks,

A happily entertained runner

Dear volunteers,

You are great! Thanks for be willing to come out and provide us with everything we could possibly need, from water, to Gatorade, to Icy Hot and so on. Your kindness almost made it hard to drink and eat for all the emotion I was feeling…but I was really thirsty and those oranges were delicious, so somehow I managed it.

Sincerely,

A girl who decided this race that she should really volunteer to work at a few of these races

Dear crazy people who were standing in front of your homes in the freezing cold at the crack of dawn to cheer on complete strangers,

Words cannot express!

Love,

An ultra emotional marathoner

Dear guy in the short shorts and cutoff t-shirt,

Really? You realize that I passed you, right? Me. Chloe. The girl who finished in 5:36:52. You have no excuse, none, nada, zilch, for wearing such an outfit. Gross. Think of the children.

Sincerely,

A, once again, traumatized runner

Dear Zach,

It was nice to finally meet you. I’m glad you called out to us. Sorry we didn’t come meet you by your fire, but it was cold and we were already by a fire and you chose one that they didn’t light until much later. But, we still met, so that was fun.

Sincerely,

Your blogger runner friend

Dear right foot,

I knew that you were going to blister. You have always blistered, except for when I finally got you calloused over. I know my lack of running the last three weeks are what caused you to blister so badly, but I kind of think you enjoyed shoving it in my face. Did you have to start at mile five? You could have waited until mile 10 and you still would’ve been around for 16.2 miles. Really, I’ve never had such a blister. You were incredible. I’m sorry I had to drain you, but no shoe was going to fit on my foot with you sticking out there. Maybe you should think about that next time.

Sincerely,

The blister killer

Dear ankle,

Tendonitis? At mile 20? You couldn’t have waited until mile 25? Every step was painful. Every single one! Please go away.

Sincerely,

Your owner who would really like to continue running

Dear ibuprofen,

I probably wouldn’t have made it without you. As one who is not a huge fan of any kind of drug consumption…I was happy to have you on Saturday.

Sincerely,

The girl who almost didn’t have her wisdom teeth removed because she hates medication just that much

Dear sunblock,

I packed you. I thought about you. I pulled you out of my bag Saturday morning. And then, what happened? You just let me forget about you. How could you do that? It was 3:30 am. How the heck was I supposed to remember EVERYTHING? Throw a girl a bone. Thankfully, I did decide to go with a hat and it’s time for fall clothing, so you are semi-forgiven. But, still, where is the love?

With some hurt feelings,

The former esthetician who doesn’t ever leave home (not even in a blizzard) without sunscreen on her face

Dear SportShield,

You are my new BFF. I apologize to those of you who thought you were my BFFs. But, did you help me make it through 26.2 miles of running virtually unscathed by chaffing? What? Silence? That’s what I thought. Seriously, one spot, under the band of my sports bra, in the back, where I didn’t even think to apply you. You are the best, SportShield. I think I love you!

Love,

A girl with almost perfectly intact skin (minus that darn blister and the one itty-bitty spot on my back)

Dear iPod nano,

I’m so glad you decided to last through the entire race. I was a bit worried for a while. The little battery icon turned red when I still had miles to go. But you hung on and for that, I will be forever grateful. While the music is always important, I would have been truly heartbroken had I not been able to upload a run of 26.2 miles. It would not have changed the fact that I had run it, but it sure was fun to plug you into my computer and visit the Nike+ site and see a run of 26.2 miles. And the music was good, too.

Lots of love,

A lover of music and Nike+

Dear Anne’s family,

Thanks for being so great. Dinner was fantastic, as was the company. It was so nice to meet all of you and it was fun to feel so welcomed by you. I know you were there to support Anne, but I’m really glad she didn’t mind sharing you. It was so fun to see you at mile 16, and then at the finish line. And thanks for the flowers. You guys are great!

Love,

Chloe

Dear Anne,

I quite possibly might have finished without you, as I’m sure you would have without me, but…having said that, I’m so glad that I didn’t have to. It has been so fun to share this journey with you and read about your experiences and share with you mine. Thanks for all of the cool stuff and being so thoughtful. Thanks for being such a good running partner, even if most of it was through cyberspace. Thanks for driving down with me, even though you could’ve gone down with your family. Words really cannot express how lucky I feel to have found such a partner in pain and stupidity. Here’s to next year…and the many runs we will do between now and then.

Oh, and thanks for putting up with my occasional karaoke moments. What can I say? I just couldn’t help myself. And, I think we can both agree that I had to have made someone laugh.

Love,

Chloe

P.S. You can read Anne’s recap (a much better play-by-play of the experience) here.

And last but not least…

Dear body,

Ours is kind of love-hate type of relationship. You want to love me, but I just hate you. I have never been a huge fan. I’m sorry. It’s true. However, these last few months of training have taught me to really appreciate just how great you are. I have pushed, and pushed, and pushed and you just let me. When you told me it was too much and I ignored you, you kept going. Sure, you threw a few fits. You left me with reminders of the pain that I put you through while training. But I have to admit that I am in awe.

I may not love what I see in the mirror, but that is just a minor part of what you are. I cannot believe that, after three weeks of basically no running, save a short jog/walk along the beach, you let me push you for 26.2 miles. And you hardly made a peep. So, there was a minor squeak in one foot and one ankle, but considering that I am not at the weight I was hoping…or that I was at four weeks ago, I just can’t really complain. I hadn’t been feeding you properly, or hydrating you properly, or giving you adequate rest, and yet you were a champ. And we did it. Somehow, we pushed on for 26.2 miles and lived to tell about it. It’s so easy to forget just how incredible you are and just how blessed I am to have you.

With much love and appreciation,

The girl who hopes to make this marathon running thing a regular experience and always appreciate her body, not because of what it looks like, but because of what it can do