chloe…the brand

Today at orientation, Dr. Merrill talked about our personal brand and how we are in a position right now to completely recreate our brand if necessary, or solidify the brand we have already started.

I was struck, yet again, by how blessed I am to have this opportunity and just what an awesome responsibility it is. I really want to make the most of it and I want to become the person that I have always dreamed of becoming.

Here are some ideas that I thought about today. I’m sure I will add to it later, but I think it’s a good start. I want to be:

  • someone who empowers others. I think fear and insecurity often drive me to want to appear “better than”, but in reality, that is not who I want to be. I want to be a person who makes people feel like they can do anything. I want to be a person people turn to when they are totally discouraged because they know that I will be there to support them. And I want to be the “cheerleader” who is happy when someone gets an internship, even if it was the one that I really wanted.
  • a contributor. I do not want to be a leech. I want to add to what is going on in my section and in my team.
  • someone who knows how to use humor appropriately, sans sarcasm. I do not want be funny at the expense of others, or myself.
  • confident. To me confidence is liberating. It doesn’t mean that I will always be successful, but it does mean that I will be confident in my abilities to succeed eventually. Or maybe to overcome obstacles is a better way to put that.
  • someone who people trust with their name, their reputation, their stories.
  • Christlike. For me, right now, this means seeing everyone as a child of God and treating them that way.

I had a bit of a hard time with the final one today. I often get a little insecure around women who I view as being my equals, if you will, or my superiors as is often the case. Anyway, I started to get a little judgmental today and I don’t want to do that. I think there’s a difference between judging someone and removing yourself from a situation that you don’t want to be in.

dating

So, I’ve had a lot of time to think this summer between helping out Alicia with her kids and Erika with…okay, being on vacation at Erika’s. I’ve spent a lot of that time thinking about dating…or marriage really. I don’t really date a lot, but when I do, it’s usually someone who I would not consider marrying and I wonder why I do that, but that’s a post for another day.

Anyway, while at Erika’s, I decided to try the online thing again and found myself kind of interested in this guy who I should not have been interested in. He had no education, was divorced with three kids and had other issues. What I realized in talking to him at length was that some of our similarities were qualities (or other stuff) that I do not want in a husband and I started thinking if I don’t want that in a husband, why would I ever be like that?

It’s amazing what a difference that has made in who I am and how aware I am of who I want to be. I know the ideal thing is to change behaviors to become more Christlike, but for now, this is working really well. I have had this “sin” that I have really been struggling with and as soon as this idea clicked in my head, the struggle was over.

My goal right now is to list the qualities I want in a husband and work on becoming that person. It sounds so simple, and really, it is. I just wish it were as easy as it is simple.

the rest of my life

So, today was the first day of orientation for the MBA program at BYU. I really should have been writing more about this process as it was happening because deciding to come to BYU was quite the process. It’s not where I wanted to go at all. University of Texas was my first choice, hands down, but then I bombed the interview (and I mean BOMBED) so they rejected me. I got in to BYU and Vanderbilt and I tried everything in my power to make Vanderbilt feel right, but to no avail.

Truly, God knows what he is doing, so I’m not sure why it takes me so long to get on the same page as him. Anyway, I finally decided on BYU and to be honest, I don’t know if it was so much of a “I prayed about it and this is right” thing, as it was a “this makes the most sense for my future”. It’s way less expensive, especially with a full tuition scholarship for the first year and it has better California connections, which is where I’d like to be eventually.

What’s interesting about finally deciding is that as soon as I did I felt totally good about it. Sure, I still second guess myself, because that’s my nature, but deep down, I know BYU is the best place for me to be.

This weekend totally confirmed that. I guess I thought that I didn’t want to be around a bunch of “close minded” Mormons (yes, I realize I’m Mormon, but…), but what I discovered going on the OB/HR rafting trip this weekend is that I am not only okay with being at BYU, but I am actually thrilled. I didn’t realize how much I love being able to incorporate spirituality into my studies, probably because I don’t remember what it was like to not since the only time that happened was before college, but I do love it.

There were so many little confirming moments this weekend. I honestly felt overwhelmed by the Spirit and it has been a loooong time since I’ve felt that way (which is totally my own doing). Not only that, but I am starting to feel like marketing (my original plan) is not where I want to be anymore. I’m still deciding, but I think OB/HR might be the way to go for where I want to be in the future. We shall see. I’m definitely doing my research.

I really do wish that I had written more about what this whole experience has been like. I recorded events on my blog, but I missed out on the spiritual side of the whole thing.

the end…

Not really, but I did start school and it looks like things are going to be very, very busy.

For recaps of what I’m doing in school, I have a new blog. Feel free to visit…but it will be very “all about school”.