my fabulous apartment

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When I decided that I would be headed to NY for the summer, I started to stress about finding somewhere to live. Having lived alone for the past 4-ish years, and knowing plenty of people in NYC to have a fabulous social life sans roommates, I wanted to find a place to live on my own. So, I got on the Google group for the singles in my church in NYC and posted a “sublet wanted” ad. I got a few pretty quick responses. Thanks to the oh so fabulous Sarah, I found a great place! (It’s nice to have a person “on the ground” to help out in these situations.)

Said fabulous apartment is a studio located in Greenwich Village. It is teeny-tiny, but perfect sized for me for the summer. It’s a fourth floor walk up in an older building that has lots of character (and characters…I can currently hear neighbors fighting in the courtyard–it sounds like a breakup). I am seriously in love with it!!! Even if it is just the slightest bit slanted…ha ha ha.
And here are some pictures (straight out of the camera…no time to edit these, so I apologize for how dark they are) to show you what it looks like:

Yes, this is the view from my front door…with the door open. I told you it’s small. But notice the AC unit in the window…that’s the only thing that would have been a real deal breaker.

My cute fireplace (excuse the pile of clothes…I still need some hangers).

From the corner looking toward the door. Notice that I have no microwave, no disposal (you can’t see that, but I’m telling you), and a mini-fridge. It’s a good thing I’ve lived without these things before, or this would be really difficult. 🙂
View from the bedroom/living room/kitchen window.
My hallway…which leads to my closet and bathroom (the doors of which don’t close on their own). 

My bathroom is actually quite large. I love it! plenty of room to be organized and move around.
Another bathroom view.
And the view from the bathroom. 
My apartment is seriously awesome (even if it does slant). I love my neighborhood. I love the fact that it’s at the back of the building (through a courtyard). I love that it backs up to more apartments, instead of a street. It’s in the heart of Greenwich Village, but totally secluded at the same time. Pretty much amazing!!!

fear of the new

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I arrived in New York yesterday, but I have just now opened up my computer and discovered that, while I don’t have internet myself, there is an unsecured network available. Yay!

There are plenty of fun things to report, but for now, I want to capture what moving to New York has felt like.

So, I have always had this sense of adventure. I want to experience everything. I want to have a full and exciting life. But what lots of people don’t know is that I am generally terrified of almost every “new” thing I do. Remember the cooking class I took last summer. I was so scared…which probably sounds ridiculous (it’s a cooking class for heaven’s sake), but it’s true. The reason I try new things isn’t necessarily because I am so excited to do whatever it is I’m going to do (initially, anyway). It’s partly because, at the end of the day, or week, or whatever, I know that I will be so glad I did it. The other part is that I want to be “that” person; the person whose life is full of new experiences and adventures, the person who always has something interesting to talk about, the person who can connect with almost anyone because she’s tried so many things. I never want to let fear stop me from having a full life.

My point? The idea of moving to New York for the summer was fabulous…the idea. The reality of it scared the crap out of me. When I was packing up my life Saturday night/Sunday morning (no, I didn’t sleep at all, in case you were wondering), I started to really feel the fear. I didn’t ever actually give into it and break down, but the same thoughts kept running through my head: “You could have gone to Cisco in the Bay Area; a place you know and love. You could have gone to Microsoft in Seattle where your cousin lives. You could have gone to P&G and lived in an apartment that has a separate bedroom and a real kitchen. Instead you wanted something challenging, something that would stretch you. Something on the other side of the country from your entire family. What were you thinking?” Most of the plane trip was spent thinking these same thoughts. Even without sleeping the night before, I still only dozed for maybe 20 minutes. Serious fear.

And then the plane landed at JFK. I got off, texted Candice to let her know I had arrived, and headed to baggage claim (to claim the three very large and heavy bags that I checked in addition to the two I carried on). I only waited about two minutes at the curb before I saw Candice and Mark’s van coming around the corner. As soon as I saw them, I started to feel so much better. Here I was, moving to this HUGE city on the other side of the country…with one of my best friends to pick me up and make me feel like I belonged.

We drove to my apartment, with Candice and Mark pointing things out along the way. I figured out which keys opened which doors, got up to my apartment, and more of the anxiety started to leave. Then Sarah met us and we all went to dinner.

Sometime between being picked up at the airport and getting back to my apartment after dinner, ALL of the fear was gone. I know that might sound absolutely ridiculous, but it’s true. I remembered how much I love my little part of New York and how much I love all of the restaurants, and shops, and public transportation, and diversity, and nightlife. And I also remembered that, while my entire family is on the other side of the country, technology (phones, email, planes, etc), make it so they really aren’t that far away.

So, fear will come. I know that. I’m just glad that (for the most part) I don’t let the fear win. I can’t even begin to enumerate the number of opportunities and experiences I would have missed out on if I let fear win.

new york!

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I’m here! I have lots to share, but for now, I need to get some sleep. After two long days including flying across the country, unpacking, shopping, and sight-seeing, I’m pretty dang tired. However, a couple of posts are in the works…and one will have pictures of my FABULOUS apartment.

However, before I go, I want to give you a brief log of my activities so far:
Arrived in NY to be met at the airport by Candice, Mark, and kiddies…and then Sarah at my apartment. Had a lovely dinner. Unpacked. Slept. Checked out my new gym. Signed up for a personal trainer. Worked out. Purchased Metro card. Lunch in Union Square with Sare. Shopping for organizational type items. Coney Island with Sare, Candice, et al,including a Nathan’s Hot Dog. First celebrity sighting in NY (other than at a show I was paying to see): Tracy Morgan (of 30 Rock) in line in front of me at the concession stand at the movies. Movie.

Not bad for a little over 24-hours in a new place.

It’s too bad I have to start working eventually, although given the bills that I’m racking up, it’s probably a good thing.

last days in p-town

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My brother and sister-in-law came up for her brother’s wedding. I was happy to stick around P-town a little longer to help out with childcare. In case you can’t tell, I seriously adore these two munchkins. We had so much fun running around my dad’s backyard on Friday. It was a great way to spend my time before heading off to New York, which happens in about five hours…I suppose I should finish packing?

These next few pictures tell a little story. My nephew was upset because he wanted to play with the dogs’ stick (my brother was playing a game of fetch with them) and we wouldn’t let him. But I figured out how to make it all better.

Pouting on the steps.

Deciding that sitting on the steps while everyone else is having fun wasn’t totally worth it.

Me sneaking up behind him to “scare” him (he loves to “scare” and “be scared”).

Which led to a game of chase, that ended with us wrestling on the ground.

My niece is getting so big!!! She is just as crazy as my nephew, too. These two little Las Vegas babies sure loved playing outside on the cool grass.

My nephew decided he needed to steal the stick from the dogs…two different times. He was so pleased with himself. It was hilarious!

A little girl just loving life.

This was a great way to spend my time before heading off to New York, which happens in about five hours…I suppose I should finish packing?

coming home

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Coming home from my evening activities tonight, I drove through Provo Canyon. It was late, so there were no phone calls to make. It was dark, so there wasn’t much to see. I had some time to just think. As I came around Deer Creek Reservoir, memories just started to flood my mind.

Summer days spent on the reservoir with our wave-runners. An overnight camping trip with friends from my apartment complex. After crossing the dam, I passed a little dirt road off to the right where I would go off-roading with my sister in her Jeep…and whatever boy was currently piquing her interest.

I came to a curve in the road, where there’s no center divider, and remembered the accident that somehow didn’t happen last December, when I came around a dry bend into wet slush, losing control of my car for just long enough to send me back and forth across all four lanes multiple times, finally landing me in the center strip facing the wrong direction after spinning around.

I remembered what the highway was like before the tunnels went in. I thought about Sundance, and all of the memories I have there. Coming to Utah to visit my siblings in college and having my dad take us to the Tree Room, making all of us feel very special. A “photo-shoot” with my sister my freshmen year, just after my mom died and before my sister left on a mission for my church. I can still see what I was wearing…although I have no idea where the pictures are. I thought about the year my brother, Justin, and I had season passes for skiing. We would head up every MWF. I finished work at noon, and Justin would come pick me up in his HUGE mid-80s Chevy Blazer. He would push me to try harder and harder runs, and teach me how to maneuver them. (We never took our skis out of the car…my grades were horrible.)

Then there was my one and only snow-shoeing adventure (sad that I haven’t ever gone again) with my roommates, Caitie and Andrea. I was depressed and miserable at the time, but I remember laughing so hard as we came to the top of a hill and all fell over from exhaustion…and then started to throw snow at each other. Sledding with cousins. Hiking. Moonlight rides on the ski-lifts in early fall. Outdoor movies in the summer. Dinner with friends at The Foundry Grill. Sundance Canyon alone holds volumes of my memories.

I passed Canyon Glen Park and thought of the night my sister, roommates, and I went to see our friends’ band play around a big bonfire. Seeing the sign for South Fork made me think of the hours and hours and hours I spent running up and down the river trail during my marathon training (and at other times in my life). I thought about campfires at South Fork Park. The summers spent rollerblading up and down the river trail with my friend Courtney. Various church activities. I passed Bridal Veil Falls and could see myself hiking up to them 10 years ago. I remembered the walk I took with my friend, Aaron, just before he left on his mission.

Then I saw the place where, late at night my freshmen year, I used to park my green Mitsubishi Eclipse (a hand me down from my sister), listen to music (mainly The Promise, by Tracy Chapman, on repeat), and just cry for hours after my mom died. Living in dorms, there wasn’t really anywhere I could go to be alone. My car and that canyon became my home; the place where my heart was, where I felt close to my mom and to God, where I felt peace.

This canyon, my canyon, holds over a decade’s worth of my life in its river and trails and mountains, its waterfalls, and its moonlight. I realized just how much I really love it for holding so many of my memories, both good and bad. (Even as I write this, more memories are coming to mind.) I thought about just how much I’m going to miss it this summer, and when I eventually move away for good.

And finally, tonight, after a few very difficult and emotional days–the type that always make me miss my mom and ache for her wisdom and kindness and generosity…but most of all her unconditional love and her absolute knowlege that things always work out–I felt peace again. The peace of my canyon. The peace of my home.