Category Archives: weight watchers weekly

weight watchers weekly – week ten

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And here’s what you’ve all been waiting for. I know you missed my deep thoughts last weeks, so here we go.

I’m going to start with the weight loss…because that’s where the thoughts stem from. I lost 1 lb since the last time I was weighed. Two weeks ago. Not my happiest moment. But, better than a gain. And therein lies my problem.

It’s all fine and well that I can talk about how great it is to lose weight slowly, when I’m not losing it slowly. But with this average of .5 lbs/week for the last two weeks, I get to see if I’m buying what I’m selling. I think I am…but I’m not totally convinced. A few more weeks like this and I think I’ll know for sure. But as I write that, I think, “Over my dead body will I have a few more weeks like this.” Do you see my predicament? Why is it that I can cheer for my friend and her weight loss, even if it’s only .2 lbs (and be totally supportive if she gains) but if I don’t lose what I want to lose, I get very frustrated with myself.

The thing is, I can list exactly why I didn’t lose more weight, and it definitely wasn’t lack of exercise. It was Serrano’s and Hogi Yogi and mini-chocolate chips and a sweet tooth that wouldn’t go away and a lack of writing down what I had eaten. Having suffered from so many poor choices (yes, they weren’t my fault…I was suffering the peer-pressure of my sweet tooth and the menus at restaurants that called to me in low, deep, seductive tones…like that damn World Class Chocolate ice cream so many weeks ago), it’s a wonder that I lost any weight.

Okay, enough of that. Let’s talk about the positive (hey…maybe I am buying this whole “slow and steady wins the race” thing). I learned a few very valuable things over the last two weeks. Now, for those of you Diet Coke addicts, you may want to stop reading right now (or at least skip the next paragraph…ignorance is bliss).

First, you all know that I had to give up the drink. It was a sad, sad day. Although, truthfully, now that the addiction is gone (whoever says that caffeine is not a drug is WRONG), I am allowing myself the occasional DC. I’ve had two in the last week. Not bad. Okay…moving on. I really believe that DC hinders weight loss. Now, you may be thinking, “But Chloe, the weeks you were on the drink, you lost much more than these last two weeks”. And you would be correct. But…you didn’t see what I ate over the last two weeks. Between traveling, family dinners and an obsession with frozen yogurt (sure, it’s fat-free, but that doesn’t mean that consuming a quart of it a day won’t do some damage), I am truly amazed that I lost weight. I don’t know if it’s as much the Diet Coke consumption that does it, as the fact that when you are drinking DC, you are not drinking water and water plays a huge role in the losing of the poundage. Either way, I’m a believer.

Second, I really think that sleep makes a huge difference. I know that may sound weird. After all, if you’re sleeping, you’re not moving, you’re not exercising (you’re also not eating), but it seriously makes a difference. And I don’t think it’s all about the “not eating”. I’m sure there are all kinds of physiological reasons why sleep helps, but since I decided soon after that first anatomy class that I was not going to be a doctor, I do not know the reasons why. Just trust me. Get your sleep.

Third, and this is the most important truth I learned this week. I mean, I have known it in theory, but seeing as how I have never put it into practice, I had yet to see it for myself. Losing weight the slow way really does make it so you can have a “bad” week (or two) and recover from it. I know I’ve mentioned that this whole slow program is new for me (and really, I have no room to complain with an average weight loss of 2 lbs a week), and that it was going to be hard for me since starvation and laxative popping really do work so well…you know, until you DIE! But I am a believer after these two weeks.

I’m really not kidding when I tell you that I ate like a horse (do horses even eat a lot?). Between friends leaving, family gatherings and just the normal social stuff, I spent lots of time in restaurants over the last two weeks…and lots of time making treats and eating them…and lots of time enjoying whatever everyone else was eating in the portions everyone else was eating, including regular old pizza (which I don’t even like that much). I finally buckled down once I was back in P-town, but even then I wasn’t tracking like I should have been. And guess what, my body still let go of one whole pound. That is a big deal. Seven years ago, in the throws of my third (and final) bout with eating disorder manifestations (the truth is, once you have one, it really does live with you), I could never have done that. I could never have eaten everything I ate these two weeks and not gained weight. I could have never eaten everything I ate without absolutely hating myself. And I could have never eaten everything I ate without feeling like I had lost all control and just giving up.

The eating disorder mentality still lives in my head. My first reaction when I eat something “bad” is still to be upset with myself. But then I get over it. Then I think about the fact that I am human and, as such, will always enjoy a banana split (and just so you know, according to Aristotelian logic–thank you GMAT prep course–if you do not enjoy a banana split, you are not human…so good luck with that). Then I think about the fact that I have managed, in ten weeks, to lose 23 lbs without once popping a pill, starving myself, throwing up or feeling like I had to spend five hours in the gym. And that is a big deal!

Oh, and in other news (along the same vein) I had to get a suit this week for my “business trip” because one of my fabulous sisters insisted that, when presenting to the board of directors of a multi-billion dollar company, you have to have wear a suit, even if it is Washington, D.C. and it will be a gazillion degrees with 2000% humidity. The same fabulous sister also paid me in advance for services to be rendered (apparently, I’m back to being her slave when I go visit her at the end of September) so that I could afford said suit…and darling shoes. So, why do I share this here, in this post? Because I didn’t have to set one foot in the plus-size section. Not even a toe. Everything I tried on fit me. Some of it was really and truly awful and nothing I would be seen in publicly, but it all fit. Such a great feeling! And I found a fabulous suit, although it did take much searching and many phone calls to find the jacket to go with the most perfect skirt ever made, since the P-town Nordy’s didn’t have it. The skirt, top and shoes are all packed and ready for my flight this evening, and the jacket is awaiting me at the Tyson’s Corner mall, to be picked up on Saturday. Life is good!

weight watchers weekly – week nine

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The sad truth is that I may not make it to a meeting this week. Not for lack of desire…I mean, who doesn’t want to have someone tell them that they gained 1.5 lbs (which is what my scale basically said this morning…it’s been a rough week). My week has just been out of whack. My schedule is off due to a number of things going on in my life, so I couldn’t make it to any meetings here and tomorrow I leave for Arizona. If I can figure out a way to get to a meeting there on Saturday, I will do it. Otherwise, just know that I had a rough week. I got to the point of that out of control feeling and, while it isn’t fun, I think I’ve got things handled and all should be back to normal this week. Wish me luck!

Oh, and there was no salad this week. Well, there was, but I’ve been so busy it was just a compilation of purchased, ready-to-eat items. Spinach, cheese crumbles, bacon bits, mushrooms and toasted almonds with Annie’s Fat-Free Poppy-Seed dressing. Good stuff, but nothing to post a recipe about.

weight watchers weekly – week eight

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I am not my weight.

That was the theme of last night’s meeting. The instructor had different print advertisements up on the board…all from the Weight Watchers magazine…all thin, beautiful models. Her point was that society really is always speaking to us about what we should look like. And the message society is sending is wrong. She shared the “average” model statistics, which were not surprising at all. The BMI of the average model is 2 units under what is consider “underweight” or “malnourished” and four points under the lowest BMI Weight Watchers will allow before a member can no longer be part of the program. And this is what we are all striving for?

Besides that little tidbit at the beginning, most of the meeting revolved around the thoughts we have and the things we say to ourselves about ourselves. And then, how to combat those negative thoughts. And the instructor shared a Buddhist quote, “With our thoughts we make the world.” So true.

I have thought a lot recently about what this all means for me: losing weight and running this marathon. I think, originally, the weight loss started as a desire to be this perfect package. Yep…I’m admitting it. It was all about the superficial. I have always struggled with my weight and I have always let that get in the way of my life…well, my love life. And while I don’t necessarily want to get married any time soon, I do want to believe that it’s possible…and, up until recently, I just didn’t believe it was without fixing my “packaging”. While I have watched friends and acquaintances much heavier than I was date and marry, I just didn’t understand how that happened. Here’s a little insight into my warped mind: I would always ask myself how on earth someone could want to marry them when they were that heavy?

I had bought what society was selling, hook, line and sinker. I really truly believed that no guy would ever find me attractive weighing what I weighed (which, incidentally is about what I weigh right now…today). It didn’t matter that I was smart, and funny, and talented in many other areas of my life. I didn’t come in the right packaging, so none of those other things mattered. No one would ever see what was inside because they didn’t like the package.

As life went on and I matured (about two years ago), I started to see things differently. I started to see that these men who had married these girls that I knew really did love them and really did find them attractive. Well, I’d like to say that this revelation helped me, but it didn’t really…at first. I am reminded of a scene from Someone Like You. Jane (Ashley Judd) is sitting on her bed and Eddie (Hugh Jackman) asks her why she is holding on to her stupid one cow theory. The conversation goes back and forth and finally, Jane says, ” Because if this theory is wrong, men don’t leave all women, Eddie, they leave me.” Upon discovering that men really could love fat women, suddenly I realized there must be something else wrong with me.

And I would now like to introduce you to “something else”: I truly believed that I, looking the way I did, was not good enough to deserve a relationship. Period. It didn’t matter that I had all of these other things going for me. It didn’t make a difference in the world. So, prior to there ever being any kind of possibility for a relationship, I had already decided that I wasn’t thin enough or pretty enough for someone, anyone, to want to date me and so I made sure it didn’t happen.

After years of this, with the help of a few absolutely beautiful men (inside and out) whom I did date, I discovered that I was attractive and dateable. And yes, it would be wonderful if I could have discovered that all on my own, but there’s something that happens when a guy looks into your eyes and with all sincerity, tells you that he thinks you are beautiful that just doesn’t happen when I do the same thing to myself.

I was the one who had made the decision that men wouldn’t like me. I was the one who could call them all jerks because of my theory. I was the one making my lack of relationships their fault. Slowly, I began to see the light. It wasn’t that there was something else wrong with me. It wasn’t that there was anything wrong with me at all, except that I believed that something was wrong with me…okay, and perhaps I am a very pale shade of crazy, but who isn’t?

And there is a matter of attraction and there have been, and will continue to be, guys that simply are not attracted to me. And there have been, and will continue to be, guys that I am simply not attracted to. And, unfortunately, when you have told yourself the same lie for 15+ years, I don’t know if the echoes ever completely silence themselves…so, when I do find myself attracted to a guy, the first thought in my head is that he won’t think I’m attractive…but I am learning to silence those thoughts quickly.

Tonight, as I sat in this meeting and we discussed “talking back to the lies” (yes, it’s a bit like group therapy) I realized that I am on the right path. As I said, the echoes of the lies are still there, but I am getting really good at telling them to…well, I won’t tell you exactly what I say to them, but I make them go away. And while I still don’t love the way I look, I have this amazing appreciation for what my body can do and how blessed I am to have it.

I know I said this in my last post, but I really believe that my life has worked exactly as it should have. I believe that my trials are mine for a reason. And while I have wondered over the past few weeks why the heck I couldn’t have figured all of this weight stuff out five, or ten, or fifteen years ago, I have a feeling that this, too, is exactly as it should be. My mind needed to be ready before my body could be.

And now to the weight part of this weight loss journey. I lost 3 lbs this week, making for a total of 22 lbs. Even through the hormonal binging. The keys for this week? Even with the chocolate cravings (and consumption) I still wrote everything down. I didn’t verbally abuse myself, even one time, for eating too much or making poor choices…I just accepted it for what it was, gave myself a little pep talk and moved forward. And, as always, I exercised.

weight watchers weekly – week seven

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Wow! I cannot believe it has been seven weeks. The time has seriously flown by. It probably doesn’t hurt that I have been super, ultra, unbelievably busy. It was a great week for weight loss. Even with all of the baking going on, I still lost weight. I feel this amazing sense of accomplishment, not just because I managed to bake cheesecake and tarts and lose weight, but because I didn’t hate my body this week. Not even once. I actually caught myself looking in the mirror and thinking that I looked good. Now, that’s not to say that I didn’t have moments when I was less pleased with my actions than other moments, but it was about what I was doing not who I am.

Week six, because of the gain during week five, caused me to be a bit paranoid. I became a slave to the scale that week. I seriously weighed myself every morning and every night…old habits die hard. Anyway, that didn’t do a whole lot for me. Yes, I did lose weight last week, but I was consumed with it. This week, I just let go. I counted my points faithfully…even the three scoops of gelato pictured above (the fruit flavors are only two points a scoop), and just let go. I did get on the scale on Sunday, I think, and I was a little surprised by how much weight I had lost in three days…but I attributed much of that to my run on Saturday and possible dehydration. Nice, I know. Anyway, after that I reminded myself that I really don’t need to watch the scale if I’m on my points game. So, I let it go.

I think so much of weight loss success depends on discovering yourself. Who you are. What motivates you. Why you eat. Why you don’t exercise. How you deal with uncomfortable food situations. When you tend to overeat. And so on. I had a week of self-discovery.

Let’s start with the baking. I think I have finally discovered that, while I love eating treats, what I love even more than eating treats is making them. I know that may sound strange, but it’s true which is fantastic since my sister and I plan on opening a bakery of sorts (mainly treats) in the next ten years or so (we are planners) and, while I’m very excited about this prospect, it has made me nervous because I do love treats. It felt so good to bake up a storm, share a mini-cheesecake and a small tart with Sarah and be done (did you see the picture of the “ugly” tart?..that’s the one we had to eat). I tasted them, so I knew they were edible and to enjoy the fruits of my labor, and I was done.

Not only that, but there was an emotional disconnect between me and my food this week. I wasn’t in battle mode. It was so nice to be at Amanda’s shower and not worry about the food. I planned for it, so I happily enjoyed a little of everything (even a few mini tarts) and felt good and satisfied. It really is all about portion control and planning for me. I am not at the point where I can just pass up spinach artichoke dip, so I plan for it. In fact, I think that’s kind of my weight loss mantra: until (or unless) I can pass, I have to plan and portion. And do you know what? I know very few people (even the skinny ones) who can pass on tarts and cheesecake. And no, my goal is not to make anyone else fat. I just really like making yummy, pretty food.

Another helpful discovery is that I have this weird mentality when it comes to points. I like to hoard them until the evening. Just in case. In case of what, you ask? Well, in case I get a sudden hankering for ice cream. In case a friend calls me up and wants to go out to eat (although, my budget has slowed that one down…yes, the spender is getting thrifty). In case I decide I just need chocolate. Now, that may not be the case for most people, but it is for me. I think that, perhaps, as time goes on, this will shift. In fact, I have already discovered that my “full meter” has become much more sensitive, which makes it hard to get all of my points in by the end of the evening if I have too many left after work.

And one more minor victory: I had a complete breakdown last night. They don’t happen very often these days, but going a million miles an hour for days in a row, combine that with being female and an uber emotional one at that, and some serious sleep deprivation and you have recipe for Bawlfest (like Oktoberfest, only with more tears and less drinking). But a good cry now and then can be a good thing, especially when you realize that sleep is a much better solution than ice cream.

I haven’t said a lot about my meetings, but they are fantastic. I don’t know that I always need the lesson that is being given. Like tonight’s, for instance, was about moving more (read – exercising more). Not something for which I necessarily needed motivation. But, there is this great sense of camaraderie among all of us at the meetings. It’s great to hear what is and isn’t working for people. And, much to my surprise, it’s really fun to have everyone get excited and clap for you when you’ve reached a goal, whatever it may be. The truth is I hope to one day be a class leader for WWs. I just think that would be so great. Dorky? Maybe. But great? Definitely.

Next weeks topic: “I am not what I weigh.” I am pretty excited about that one, especially since I feel like I have come such a long way in the last seven weeks.

I have also discovered a great trick when I start to think something negative about myself. I just imagine saying the things I’m about to say to myself to someone else. It works almost every time. Why is it that we are often so much meaner to ourselves than to anybody else? It’s kind of sad, really, but I’m learning.

So…I lost a whopping 3.8 lbs this week…bringing my grand total to 19 lbs in seven weeks. Woohoo! And, even better than the weight on the scale, I wore this cute, fitted, white cotton top today that zips up the side and it looked great. I have not been able to wear that for over a year. In fact, while I am 1 lb away from losing everything I gained this last year, I am pretty sure that I am smaller than I was then. I’d have to measure to be sure, but things are fitting better.

I seriously feel fantastic!

www – week 6

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First a few thoughts:

  1. This week I was really appreciating my health. Sure, I struggle with my weight, but I have been blessed with amazing health. I mean, I get sick from time to time, but in general, I am a very healthy person. Even with the extra weight, I can run and exercise and I have full function of all of me. Such a blessing!

  2. Losing weight the slow way takes a lot of restraint and discipline. You would think it would be the opposite, but really, not eating is easy. Eating moderately and healthfully is a totally different ball game. But I think I’m catching on. So far, so good.

  3. If it is at all within your power to start a lunch group, and people want to be healthy, I highly recommend it. Today’s salad was a delicious Greek Spinach Salad. It was fantastic.

  4. While the process is slow, it is paying off. I went upstairs today for a meeting and Amanda, who had been on vacation for 11 days, asked me how much weight I had lost since she’d been gone. Well, as you all know, I didn’t lose any weight last week and actually gained a little, which is what I told her (although, I guess if you take the sum of the last two weeks, I had lost a little). Her response was that when she saw me it was like one of those moments where you haven’t seen someone in a long time and they just look really good. How flattering is that?!

  5. Sharing this goal with everyone around me, but especially on the blog, was a great idea; an idea I stole from another blogger. I love having a forum in which I can talk (write) freely about my successes and my obstacles, without feeling like I’m forcing someone to listen to my stories. Blogging about this whole process is probably one of the major components of my success thus far.

  6. While, sometimes it’s hard to make an inconvenient, but healthy choice when there are so many convenient, but unhealthy choices, I do love healthy food and I am grateful for that. I have always been a veggie fan and I love brown rice, but this week I got hooked on whole wheat pasta (Archer Farms, specifically…love Target) and multi grain tortillas. Absolutely delicious! And I’m learning that if I can make healthy food convenient, I’ve got it made.

  7. Another major break through…I used to hesitate when posting (or sharing) pictures that involved me and food, whether it was a scoop ice cream or a slice of an apple. I would do it occasionally, but not without serious reflection. I used to always think about what people would think when they saw a picture of me eating. I finally came to the realization that a) most people aren’t thinking about anything other than how much they wish they had that ice cream cone and b) I just don’t care anymore. I know what’s going on in my life and I feel good and that’s what matters. And, well, I love food. Big deal. So do millions of skinny people.

  8. Losing weight scares me. I know that may sound strange, but think about this with me. I know how to be chubby Chloe. I have been chubby Chloe since I was ten. I don’t know how to be anything but that. Well, I was non-chubby, anorexic, laxative popping, exercise addict Chloe for a while, but that’s not something I ever got comfortable with (thank Heaven, really and truly). Even writing this, I can feel a little bit of anxiety starting to build. Losing weight means losing a part my identity…it is new territory. And, as I learned from one very unhealthy relationship, no matter how much I know, intellectually, that the new situation will be better, it is very, very hard to let go of the one that’s familiar, the one I have learned to handle.

  9. Going along with #7, I think part of the success behind slower weight loss is not just that your body has time to adjust and be healthy, but so does your mind. I could be totally wrong, but doesn’t that seem to make sense?

And now onto the weigh-in. After last week’s little set back I did get back on track. There was no beating myself up; there was no self-loathing; just a sense of accomplishment for what I had already done and a renewed commitment to myself.

This week, I lost an even 3 lbs for a grand total of 15.2 lbs. I am right on track…in fact a little ahead, averaging a little over 2 lbs per week. At this rate, I will be 24 lbs lighter when I run the SGM in October, and that is a happy, happy thought! Every pound I lose will reduce my time and the pressure on my joints. My knees are thanking me already.