Category Archives: weight watchers weekly

third time’s a charm

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A conversation.

WW lady: How are you today?

Me (eyes still puffy from yesterday’s events): Not great. I haven’t been here in a while…and I know what went wrong, so please don’t ask.

WW lady: Don’t worry. I won’t.

Me: Well, maybe it depends on the person, but if I had stepped on that scale and you had asked me if I knew what happened, it would probably have reduced me to tears.

WW lady: Don’t worry.

I step on the scale with much fear and trepidation.

Me: Well, glad that’s over with.

It’s bad…but I’m not all the way back to where I started…and I knew it was going to be bad because I got on my own scale this morning.

WW lady (with just the slightest hesitation, a very calm voice and kind smile): Do you have a plan?

Me (shocked that she has the nerve to ask me anything, but glad that she was looking forward and not back): Yes.

WW lady: Good.

Me: I’m just going to focus on tracking my points…and I have a great support group.

WW lady: That’s great. (I am starting to feel better.) Just focus on that one thing. That’s it. Don’t worry about anything else. Are you planning on coming to a meeting next week?

Me (caught completely off guard as I wasn’t planning on it because I am going to be in Nashville next weekend, but I couldn’t say that so instead I just blurt out…): Yes. But I need to come on Wednesday and I don’t know when the meetings are.

WW lady (walks over to grab me a schedule): Here you go. The times that are listed are the weigh-in times. The meeting will start 30 minutes later.

Me: Okay. (I start to walk away and then realizing that she forgot to give me my new book for the week.) Could I get the book for week three?

WW lady: I’m so sorry. (And she really is.) Here’s the book, and this will be really good for you this week. It goes through all of the different meeting topics, essentially, and is full of some great little exercises for you to go through.

Me: Thank you.

End scene.

I don’t think I could have asked for a better experience today, under the circumstances. This woman, a complete stranger, but someone who has been in my shoes (at least in this regard), was so understanding and compassionate. It was exactly what I needed. Not what I got last time: an abrupt know-it-all type who (maybe) thought that shame was the best method to get me back in regularly.

So here we go again, for the third time. I have no great advice today. No deep insights. No huge lofty goals to share. Just a conversation and hope for good things to come.

in the mail

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This week, the mail has been my friend. Normally, it brings bills and information about any number of business schools that I won’t be applying to, but this week was different. Sure, it helped that I ordered a few things online, but I was so surprised how quickly they all arrived.

So, here they are (and remember, we all choose to spend our money in different ways…don’t judge me).

  1. A letter from the IRS stating that I will be getting an additional $600 back from Uncle Sam.

  2. Cute, white shoes (not the easiest find in March) for working in my church’s temple. I spend five hours there one evening a week, and I’m on my feet a good portion of the time, so I felt it was worth a little investment to get shoes that were comfortable. They are amazing. Seriously amazing. I actually ended up ordering another pair (in a different style and color) because they are cute (okay, maybe not the latest trend…but still cute) and comfortable. Not the norm for me, I know.

  3. A nutrition scale. I actually used to have one (probably still do buried in the depths of my storage unit), but after spending five hours looking for it one Saturday, I decided that maybe it didn’t want to be found. I was just going to order the same one, but as with all things technology, some advancements have been made since I purchased my original one, so I ordered this one instead. It arrived on Monday. I am in love. (Is that possible?) It is amazing. I can add multiple ingredients and it keeps track of everything and will store it. No more guessing when I’m trying to calculate points. No more asking, “Is that 1.5 cups of whole strawberries? Sliced strawberries?” I can just put things on the scale and know immediately. Yes, yes, I think I really am in love.

  4. My new passport. My old one was going to expire in April and with a possible trip out of the country in May (I will be posting all about it soon), I really needed to get the new one before the old one expired. Not to mention the fact that I was taught by my mother that you should always have a current passport as you never know when you might need to leave the country unexpectedly. Ha ha ha. As in, sometimes there are deals on air travel that you just can’t pass up. It’s interesting. I haven’t been out of the country in seven years (which is a long time for me), and yet I think if I didn’t have a passport, I’d feel trapped. I mean, I love my country, but there’s something comforting about knowing I can leave it at any time.

weight watchers weekly – OUCH!

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So, third time’s a charm…or so they say.

Actually, I did a pretty good job of preparing myself mentally before returning to WW this morning after five weeks of not going. A good thing I did. As I’m standing there, the woman about to weight me asks how I’m doing. My response, in true Chloe form, “Well, I haven’t been here in five weeks and I know I’ve gained weight, so I’m not doing great. If I just don’t weight more than when I started, I’ll be happy.”

Pause.

“If I just don’t weigh more than a pound more than when I started, I’ll be happy.”

Pause.

“Whatever, I’m here. I’m starting over and that’s what matters, right?”

Weight woman, looking at me wondering why I’m not getting on the scale (or so I think): “Well, are you ready?”

Me: “Sure.”

And the reality hits me like a brick (one that I knew was coming, but even if you know a brick is going to hit you in the face, it still hurts); up 1.6 lbs from when I started. Well, when I started the second time. Overall, I’m still down 5 lbs and I’m going with that happy thought right now.

This is a process; a painful, awful, excruciating, and often disappointing one, but a process nonetheless. And each time I go through it, I learn a little more about myself and how I function.

The important thing is I don’t feel hopeless; disappointed, but not hopeless. I know why I gained weight and, while it would be nice to make a million excuses for myself, like that my metabolism sucks, or that genetically I’m not made to be thin, or that other people don’t suffer from emotional eating, or that I shouldn’t have gained that much because I was paying attention and eating less than usual, the bottom line is that I have been eating too much for me (although, as you have seen, some of it has not been wasted calories…although the majority has) and not exercising enough (which will be really funny next weekend when I’m dying as I attempt to finish a half marathon…notice I didn’t say “run”).

Yes, it’s frustrating, but I can only really blame myself. I know what I have to do to make this happen. For me, I have to be a points-Nazi. I still sometimes delude myself into thinking that I can estimate and keep track in my head, but I can’t and I don’t. So, back on the horse I climb, a little scratched, and a little bruised, but at least I can still get back on. The only thing that would really make me feel like a failure was if I stopped trying to ride.

weight watchers weekly – week 3 redo

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Yes…I know I said I would post every week again, but last week was a little crazy.

I have a food addiction. I have known this for a long time, but I think I’m finally coming to terms with it. In fact, for the first time (in such precise language) I actually vocalized this last night. I was talking to my aunt and we were discussing a girl who is severely overweight and has health problems because of it and how, when my aunt saw her recently, she was just eating constantly.

I thought about this for a minute. My initial reaction was, “I wonder how many people see me eating and think that.” One of the joys of having struggled with weight for so long and being relatively obsessed with it is that I automatically internalize anything anyone says to me about anyone in regards to weight. Not a fun existence, but I finally talk back to the voices that plague me. Moving on, I really felt sorry for this girl because I have been there. And, truthfully, in my head, I am almost always there. Food is my drug of choice.

I made the comment to my aunt that this poor girl is probably addicted to food and then continued with sharing my own feelings about my own addiction. I think it was a bit enlightening for my aunt. I often wonder if the “thin” people of the world realize how hard it is for those of us who have serious problems. It’s not that I don’t think that lots of people have to watch what they eat, but there’s a difference between watching what you eat and being totally and completely obsessed with what you eat.

I think I kept hoping that, if I just lost weight, I would lose my obsession with food. Not so much. I mean, I have lost a lot of weight before, but…it has never stayed off and I think, in great part, this is due to the fact that I didn’t realize that I really do have an addiction. I’m not really sure what my point in sharing this with all of you is, but I’m sharing it. I guess I feel like the last two weeks have been really good for me, emotionally. It’s a learning process, but it felt really liberating to just say, “Yes, I’m addicted to food.”

In realizing this, I have started to treat my relationship with food differently. The problem with a food addiction, and I think I might have mentioned this before, is that I can’t just quit eating. There’s no “cold turkey” in the food addict’s world. It’s a constant battle that must be fought daily. I have to consider the whys of every food choice I make. It pretty much sucks, but it’s the way it is.

Having said that…I will now share a little about the last two weeks. They were hard. I was not as good as I should have been, but considering I was traveling and have had a crazy schedule, I’m going to go a little easy on myself. The grand total for two weeks: 4.2 lbs.

the 100 calorie pack

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There are two main problems that we Americans face in our battle against the bulge according to Obesity in America (and common sense):

“Weight gain and obesity are caused by consuming more calories than the body needs – most commonly by eating a diet high in fat and calories, being sedentary or both.”

Duh.

So, for those of us who do not have internal mechanisms to tell us to stop stuffing our faces, or who have emotional needs that are often soothed through the consumption of food (I fall into both of thoee categories), portion control and exercise are key.

I can generally get the exercise in. It’s the sweets I cannot give up. I was made to consume chocolate. My mom used to call me her little chocoholic. I have tried and inevitably, I end up returning to the treats I love so much. And, after a period of deprivation, I will admit that I have been known to eat an entire pan of brownies in one day (no, not one sitting). I cannot give up my sweets. I know people who just say, “So, just practice moderation. Eat one brownie, instead of the whole pan.” Yeah, well try being me.

I have a brother (not the funny one who comments on my blog) who just gives up sugar anytime he wants to lose weight. He will just not eat any bread, sugar, whatever…except for the occasional handful of chocolate chips. If only I had that kind of control. If only I could stop at a handful of chocolate chips without returning to the bag over and over again until I’m frustrated with myself and angry at my lack of control.

Enter the 100 Calorie Packs! These are my control. These are treats with limits. These are my little two point wonders that satisfy my sugar needs and keep me sane. Sure, I could eat a lot of them, thereby negating their benefits, but that requires opening a new package…a process that requires thought and gives me time for reflection, “Do I really want this?”

And, as Nabisco has begun the trend, many other companies are following suit. My current favorite (satisfying both my ice-cream and chocolate needs) are chocolate enrobed vanilla ice-cream bars by Klondike (they don’t have a name). They give me what I need in 100 calories. I love them!