So, third time’s a charm…or so they say.
Actually, I did a pretty good job of preparing myself mentally before returning to WW this morning after five weeks of not going. A good thing I did. As I’m standing there, the woman about to weight me asks how I’m doing. My response, in true Chloe form, “Well, I haven’t been here in five weeks and I know I’ve gained weight, so I’m not doing great. If I just don’t weight more than when I started, I’ll be happy.”
Pause.
“If I just don’t weigh more than a pound more than when I started, I’ll be happy.”
Pause.
“Whatever, I’m here. I’m starting over and that’s what matters, right?”
Weight woman, looking at me wondering why I’m not getting on the scale (or so I think): “Well, are you ready?”
Me: “Sure.”
And the reality hits me like a brick (one that I knew was coming, but even if you know a brick is going to hit you in the face, it still hurts); up 1.6 lbs from when I started. Well, when I started the second time. Overall, I’m still down 5 lbs and I’m going with that happy thought right now.
This is a process; a painful, awful, excruciating, and often disappointing one, but a process nonetheless. And each time I go through it, I learn a little more about myself and how I function.
The important thing is I don’t feel hopeless; disappointed, but not hopeless. I know why I gained weight and, while it would be nice to make a million excuses for myself, like that my metabolism sucks, or that genetically I’m not made to be thin, or that other people don’t suffer from emotional eating, or that I shouldn’t have gained that much because I was paying attention and eating less than usual, the bottom line is that I have been eating too much for me (although, as you have seen, some of it has not been wasted calories…although the majority has) and not exercising enough (which will be really funny next weekend when I’m dying as I attempt to finish a half marathon…notice I didn’t say “run”).
Yes, it’s frustrating, but I can only really blame myself. I know what I have to do to make this happen. For me, I have to be a points-Nazi. I still sometimes delude myself into thinking that I can estimate and keep track in my head, but I can’t and I don’t. So, back on the horse I climb, a little scratched, and a little bruised, but at least I can still get back on. The only thing that would really make me feel like a failure was if I stopped trying to ride.
existential dilemmas 
You can do it, Chloe!
Good job getting back! It’s nice to see others struggle with the same things…I’m not alone! I’ve joined ww about six time over the past three years…I’m hoping my sixth is the charm!
Chloe! You and I need to be WW buddies. Amy reached her goal and since I have really gone down hill. My motto is to stick to the buddy system. So if you would like to we can plan on going to meetings together or check in with each other. Whatever it takes! Let me know your thoughts. And I’m proud of you. It’s been five weeks since I have been too. Oh dear!
i think you’re awesome for even showing up! 🙂 i’m not sure i’m that brave- this weekend will kick my butt for sure. i’m glad there will be multiple people to be sore with. 🙂
You are on the right track. Don’t give up.
chloe, we went back to weight watchers too this week. do you go in provo, to the saturday morning meetings? i think that’s when we’ll most likely be attending too. i really like tami, the teacher.i’ve gained 8 pounds since i stopped going (december), and realize that this will always be my struggle. i have to get down to my goal weight, especially before i get pregnant and gain 40 pounds again. and the cycle continues!i’ve been running a lot too. you’re my inspiration. i’m “training” (yes, training) for the rex lee run (a mere 5k). but i’ll be stoked if i accomplish it and perhaps it will propel me to my ultimate goal: the half marathon! wahoo!
I am all too familiar with this rodeo! I get in the same mental game that I can keep track without being a Nazi about it- it just doesn’t work for me and frankly, I don’t know if it ever will. Diligence will be key to my success. I admire that you are so honest and choosing to get back on the horse.I so want to come and cheer you and Anne on this weekend- even if it isn’t going to be your best performance. Good luck!
Woo hoo GO CHLOE! I believe in you!!! 🙂
I have been gone the last few days, and read your last post. . . we went and saw Ingrid Michelson about 2 months ago. She was SO GREAT! I love that you go to all these concerts, and to see really good people!!!