Yes, that’s how I feel about it. I want to experience everything. If an experience is in the realm of possibility in my world, I want to have it. This is one of my many diseases…maybe the worst one. Anyway, this whole decision process has been awful. The reason being, whereas I feel like either option would be fine, one would be an entirely new experience, the other would not be.
You would think that would have made it easy, but as in so much of my life, often what I want is not what is best for me. I don’t want to wax too philosophical or spiritual (I am both, but I choose not to be Chez Blog), but after much soul searching and every attempt to feel really good about going to Vanderbilt, I just couldn’t make it feel right. I don’t know if any of you have had similar experiences, but it’s very frustrating. And I’m sure some of you are thinking, “Well, if you want to go to Vanderbilt, you should just go there.” If only it were that easy in my world.
Vanderbilt would have afforded me lots of opportunities. They have an amazing program. Over the weekend I met some people with whom I hope to stay in contact, even after telling them that I’m not going to be in their class. I fell in love Nashville. I’m not sure why I applied to Vanderbilt in the first place, which only added to my desire to go there; like it was meant to be. On some level, I think it was, in the sense that this whole process has made me grow in ways I had not expected.
Last night, I was still not totally decided. Or maybe I was, and have been for months, but I wasn’t ready to let go of the experience. And I wasn’t super excited about staying here. Maybe that’s a little bit of an understatement. And if this school in P-town is where I feel like I should be, shouldn’t I be happy about it? Shouldn’t I be excited? Shouldn’t it feel like the best choice ever? Shouldn’t that experience be just as enticing as the one at Vandy?
I guess not. I think that the instant gratification expectations inherent to our society make it so that people often don’t understand making a decision based on anything other than what they want right in that moment. I could be wrong, but it seems like a plausible theory. I could list all of the pros and cons (yes, there was a list…and it was long and uber detailed), but at the end of the day, it wasn’t about the list (it was pretty much sixes anyway), it was about what felt right.
In any case, I am staying in P-town. It’s official. I paid my deposit and “signed on the dotted line” so to speak. (It was really just a bunch of clicks of the mouse, but you get the idea). I am still going to avoid naming the actual school on here…I don’t want it to be easily searched…but I am planning/hoping to do some blogging for the program. It will be in a different location, and this blog will be put on the back burner. I have a feeling things are going to get pretty crazy.
Oh, and for those of you who missed out on what I will be doing in school, I am going to be earning an Masters of Business Administration, concentrating in marketing, and emphasizing in how to remain sane as single, thirty-something, female in Happy Valley. It should make for some interesting “Dear Yous” over the course of the next two years…yes, those will not be going anywhere.