Category Archives: me

some motivation

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So, I was reading Shape on Saturday (while on the StairMaster…I can only read Shape when I exercise, otherwise it just depresses me) and I found this very interesting tidbit:

when negative thinking pays off

Pessimists may have an advantage when it comes to weight loss, say researchers at the University of Bath in England. In a recent study, people who pictured what they’d look like if they failed to maintain an exercise program were more likely to stick with it than those who envisioned themselves successful. “Fear can motivated you to take actions,” says study co-author Brett Martin, a professor of consumer behavior. If your workout resolve wanes, imagine yourself carrying extra pounds. After that, you won’t be able to lace up your sneakers fast enough.

So, what do you guys think?

I’ll tell you what I think. It’s true. I know that people always say to visualize where you want to be. You know, the power of positive thinking. Well, I am now a believer in the power of FEAR.

After returning home from the gym, I donned a bathing suit and took some “before” pics (a one piece racing suit, on a chubby super white girl, after a long winter…the worst possible look EVER and no, none of you will EVER be seeing them), and let me tell you, those images haunts me everywhere I go, every bite I take. It seems to be all I see in my mind’s eye.

Guess who was at the gym tonight…no hesitations, no excuses, only fear; fear of looking like this for the rest of my life. I liken it to the first time I saw a smoker’s lung and thought, “I never want to smoke”.

Now, I don’t know that I recommend it for everyone but, for me, it seems to be working; so well, in fact, that when I start to imagine what I will look like when I get to my goal weight, I force that image out and replace it with my “before” picture.

I also hope that no one reads this and thinks my only motivation for wanting to lose weight is to look better. Of course it’s a motivation (and a big one), but it’s not the only one.

ETA: I am loving the comments. I do want to reiterate that I do not recommend this for everyone. I also want to say that this is not about me hating my body. In fact, I think the motivation to exercise actually makes me feel better about it. Like last night, I was swimming laps (yes, in a one piece that is not super attractive) and while I am aware of what I look like in a bathing suit, I also love that my body is capable of so much. I also like focusing on changing what I look like without an “ideal” in mind. This way I am really focused on improvement, rather than a size I want to be, a weight I want to weigh, etc. Does that make sense?

decide

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decide Look up decide at Dictionary.com
c.1380, from O.Fr. decider, from L. decidere “to decide,” lit. “to cut off,” from de- “off” + cædere “to cut” (see cement). Sense is of resolving difficulties “at a stroke.” Originally “to settle a dispute;” meaning “to make up one’s mind” is attested from 1830. Decided in the adj. sense of “resolute” is from 1790.

I think it’s interesting that one of the Latin roots of the word decide is the same root as part of homicide and suicide; cædere “to cut”.

That’s how I’m feeling about my choices for grad school. It has come down to the university where I currently work (and where I did my undergrad) and a beautiful school in Nashville, TN. I thought I had made my decision. I had prayed about it and really felt the decision was up to me, so I thought I made it. I was set. I was moving to Nashville.

But something happened yesterday, and now everything is up in the air. It wasn’t anything major. I just got an email from someone currently in the program here, and the email made me think.

So, now I’m at a 50/50 split. I really don’t know what I’m going to do. Really. I still feel like, in terms of spiritual things, God is putting the decision completely in my hands (yes, I do pray about things occasionally). I know what I thought I wanted to do, but sometimes, when I think I know what I want to do, I fail to compare the way I should. Let the comparing begin.

cult of personality

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So, I don’t talk about my job very much, but one of the benefits of working where I work is that I am surrounded by psychologists. Okay, maybe that’s both a cost and a benefit. Anyway, about two weeks ago, I decided to take this personality test. I’m not sure why I decided to do it, but I did. The key to this test, if you are going to do it properly, is to take it and have a professional go through the results with you…which is what I did.

The test gives you results in four different areas, each represented as a letter.

  1. Extroversion vs. Introversion
  2. Sensing vs. iNtuition
  3. Thinking vs. Feeling
  4. Judging vs. Perceiving

I am an ENTJ.

Frank, decisive, leaders in activities. Develop and implement comprehensive systems to solve organization problems. Good in anything that requires reasoning and intelligent talk, such as public speaking. Are usually well informed and enjoy adding to their fund of knowledge.

Well, don’t I sound fabulous?

In case you were wondering, the description for any of the sixteen types is very positive. No type is better or worse than the others, just different. What this really did for me was to solidify what I already basically knew about myself. And it really helped me to see why I interact with certain people the way I do, why I just don’t “get” some of the people out there, and why I am pretty much over my job and can’t wait to be done.

Some adjectives to describe me (this is fun and less positive):

  • challenging
  • controlled
  • critical
  • decisive
  • fair
  • logical
  • objective
  • planful
  • straightforward
  • strategic
  • theoretical
  • tough

My favorite part of the analysis? Suggestions for development:

  • May need to factor in the human element and appreciate others’ contribution. Translation: I’m self-centered and insensitive.
  • May need to check the practical , personal, and situational resources available before plunging ahead. Translation: My desire to move forward often outweighs my logic.
  • May need to take time to reflect and consider all sides before deciding. Translation: I’m impatient and rash, same as above.
  • May need to learn to identify and value feelings. Translation: I’m a b@#!*.

Don’t you want to be my friend?

Truthfully, I like who I am, in general. And, just as you would expect from someone self-centered, I think the way I am is a great way to be (except for when it comes to dating, where this particular type makes me a little bit of a crazy person, but that’s an entire post of its own).

I’m still learning a lot about how my personality interacts with others’ (the counselor who interpreted my results loaned me a great book), but so far I feel like it has helped me understand a lot about my interactions with others and the motivation behind why I do what I do.

And, in case you wanted to know, I highly recommend the test, if you ever have the opportunity to take it. You can click here for a basic overview of the test and types, if you’re curious. Can you guess what your type is?

head case

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Yes, I was really trying to have a Wordless Wednesday. I love the picture below. Emily took it while we were in New York. It is just a happy, wonderful picture, which is a small miracle since it’s a backside shot of me.

Today, though, I am not feeling happy and wonderful. And while I try not to post more than once a day (you know, in an attempt to control my OCD), I felt the need today.

Lest you think my life glorious and perfect all the time…

Sometimes life seriously sucks. Sometimes I’m not the happy person I want so badly to be. Sometimes I want to hit people. Sometimes I want people to feel how stupid I really think they really are. Sometimes I really hate being single. Sometimes I really don’t care about other people and their problems. Sometimes I break down in a ball of tears and can’t stop crying. Sometimes I wonder why anyone is friends with me. Sometimes I miss my mom so much it hurts. Sometimes I actually wonder if I should have just gone through with the wedding. Sometimes I want someone else to make my decisions for me, not so I can blame them later, but just so I don’t have to do it. Sometimes I hate what I look like. Sometimes I don’t want to get out of bed, because getting out of bed means finding something to wear, and sometimes I hate finding something to where because sometimes I hate my body. Sometimes I wish I could understand why knowing that something is the best thing to do is not enough motivation to get me to do it. Sometimes I wonder if I will always be alone.

And sometimes I wish I could understand what the hell I was thinking when I signed up for my particular set of problems. And yes, I do believe that I signed up for them, which totally eliminates any feelings of justification I might have had in complaining about my lot in life, which just makes me that much angrier. And if that isn’t enough to irritate me, there’s always my mom’s voice in my head reminding me that “it always works out”.

So, just in case you thought you were the only one, you’re not. I’m sure tomorrow will be better.

P.S. On a happier note, I’ve put up February’s downloads on my sidebar. They are all about love. So, in case you are depressed after reading this, you can download some love songs that might cheer you up, unless of course you are depressed about your love life; in which case, might I suggest waiting?