q & a for today

I’m copying from Hannah. I have a bunch of posts floating around in my head…but taking things from “floating” to “writing” is a process my seriously fried finals brain just can’t handle.

So…here you go:
1. First thing you wash in the shower? Hair

2. What color is your favorite hoodie? Yellow

3. Do you plan outfits? Yes! Almost every night before I go to bed I know what I’ll be wearing the next day. I don’t have time to think in the morning.

4. How are you feeling RIGHT now? Contentedly tired

5. What’s the closest thing to you that’s red? RedBox dvd case

6. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? It was about a guy…I know…and there was kissing. I don’t know if I’ve ever had a dream like that before. Daydreams, sure, but not a real dream.

7. Did you meet anybody new today? Yes! I feel like I meet someone new everyday. Today, it was Etta. I love that name!

8. What are you craving right now? Water. I know. Weird. But I’m just really thirsty. I’ve been thirsty for about an hour. I’m sitting five feet from a sink. I don’t know what my problem is.

9. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? Sauerkraut

10. Are you emotional? Yep. Overly, most of the time.

11. Have you ever counted to 1,000? Not that I can remember…and I feel no need to do it now.

12. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? Just lick. I don’t like biting cold things…although I do like chewing ice.

13. Do you like your hair? YES!!! I love it.

14. Do you like yourself? For the most part…except when I hurt someone’s feelings.

15. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? Of course. I’d go out to eat with just about any major political figure.

16. What are you listening to right now? iTunes: Slide – Rosi Golan

17. Are your parents strict? Nope. Not even a little.

18. Would you go sky diving? Yes…at least in theory

19. Do you like cottage cheese? love it!

20. Have you ever met a celebrity? Yes…a number of musicians, Lauren Graham, and I’ve seen (in person) Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O’Connell

21. Do you rent movies often? Probably once a month

22. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in? My pretty necklace, a paper Christmas tree (yes…Christmas…sue me), and my toenails

23. How many countries have you visited? 13

24. Have you made a prank phone call? Yes…oh the days before caller id. So much better!

25. Ever been on a train? Yes…lots.

26. Brown or white eggs? I don’t discriminate.

27. Do you have a cell-phone? Yes! An iPhone that I love!!!

28. Do you use chap stick? Not technically in terms of the chapstick brand, but yes…I always have something on my lips. Utah is DRY!!!

29. Do you own a gun? No…but I want to someday. Preferably a Glock 45 (the subcompact).

30. Can you use chop sticks? Since I was a little girl.

31. Who are you going to be with tonight? It’s 12:10 am. If I were going to “be with someone” at this point, it would be bad news for me.

32. Are you too forgiving? Nope. I’m probably not forgiving enough. I’m working on it, though.

33. Ever been in love? I don’t really know. I thought I was, but I’m not totally sure.

34. What is your best friend doing tomorrow? Working or sleeping.

35. Ever have cream puffs? Hell, I’ve made cream puffs.

36. Last time you cried? Sunday

37. What was the last question you asked? If my sweet sister (who is much nicer than I am) told the lame stylist that she hated how she cut her hair…which she did. I was very proud of her.

38. Favorite time of the year? Summer…even in Arizona.

39. Do you have any tattoos? Yes. I bet people didn’t know that about me.

40. Are you sarcastic? Me? Never. (Oh wait…I think I was just now.)

41. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect? I don’t think so.

42. Have you ever walked into a wall? Once or twice, but it’s not a regular thing.

43. Favorite color? Green (currently the lighter shades…but always green)

44. Have you ever slapped someone? Ha ha ha!!! Once (if we’re not counting in what was quite possibly the best dream I’ve ever had).

45. Is your hair curly? No, but it’s wavy enough that I can make it curly with lots of product.

46. What was the last CD you bought? Actual CD? Travis – Ode to J. Smith

47. Do looks matter? Depends. Guys that I want to date? Houses? Friends? Clothes? Shoes?

48. Could you ever forgive a cheater? Again, broad, but yes.

49. Is your phone bill sky high? Definition of “sky high”. I would say, no. It’s the same every month.

50. Do you like your life right now? 100% yes! I love it!

51. Do you sleep with the TV on? Only if I’m watching it and happen to fall asleep. Otherwise, nope.

52. Can you handle the truth? I like to think so.

53. Do you have good vision? Perfect.

54. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people? I don’t know if I hate anyone…but there are plenty of people I dislike…not fundamentally, but just that I don’t enjoy being around.

55. How often do you talk on the phone? Almost whenever I’m driving anywhere. I like to stay connected. And I am a phone person.

56. What are you wearing? A black skirt, my favorite, yellow hoodie, and slippers.

57. What is your favorite animal? Fish. I love fish. To look at, to swim with, and to eat.

58. Where was your default picture taken? A photo booth in Chicago

59. Can you hula hoop? I think so

60. Do you have a job? For the summer

61. What was the most recent thing you bought? A salad at Cafe Rio.

62. Have you ever crawled through a window? Yes. But never to sneak out…just when keys weren’t available.

the note that has taken over facebook (aka 25 random things)

So, I posted this to Facebook a while back, however, I thought it would be fun to have on my blog, so here you go:

1. I secretly (or not so secretly anymore) think that people who don’t know how to drive stick-shifts are not living up to their full potential.

2. I often pretend that I don’t remember minute details about people’s lives because I don’t want to appear stalker-esque. The truth: if you’ve ever told me about your mom’s college boyfriend’s cousin’s 16th birthday party, I remember…the date, the location, the party-goers, all of it. It’s strange. But true. And no, I am not stalking you, so don’t flatter yourself. And why is it that I can remember things like that, but not useful things, like when I need to pay my phone bill.

3. I will happily travel anywhere. ANYWHERE. And do it by any means. Train, plane, automobile, boat…doesn’t matter to me. I’m in…provided I don’t have classes (that I care about) and have whatever means I need (in terms of finances) to do the traveling.

4. I once jumped on a train in Portugal without paying for a ticket and spent over 30 minutes trying to avoid the ticket-checker-dude before finally just fessing up and paying an exorbitant amount of money for a “purchased-on-the-train” ticket…of which I was told there were none, otherwise I would have just purchased it before getting on the train. I got tired. It was a night train. I wanted to sleep.

5. I sometimes start rambling in French to non-French speakers because sometimes I’m thinking in French because sometimes French is just better. But I don’t like when people ask me to “just say something in French.” I mean, really. Something. What? What something?

6. I flew to Spokane on a whim just to make-out with a Canadian for…well, anyway. I flew to Spokane. It was stupid. And fantastic. Like the majority of adventurous decisions I’ve made in my life.

7. I moved to Europe when I was 14 because I was sick of my life. What 14-year-old even knows enough to know that she’s sick of her life?

8. I still wear my retainers at night. Yes. Still. I got my braces off when I was 14. I have jacked up teeth that cost a small fortune to fix.

9. I rationalize my impulsive, irrational behaviors by referring to them as “diseases”, like they aren’t my fault or something. Unfortunately, this is a disease I share with my sister, which does me no good when I need rational advice. (There are several posts about this…just search “disease”…if you are totally bored and have a few hours to spare.)

10. I justify expensive clothing/accessory purchases by breaking things down in terms of “cost per wear/use”. Like last year I purchased Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses that were ridiculously expensive by figuring out how much the sunglasses would cost me per day, based on a three year useful life. This is about how long I will wear a pair before I “need” to buy another. And yes, I have yet to lose an expensive pair of sunglasses.

11. I often think people “need” my help. I hate that I do this. I mean, seriously, who died and made me God? No one, that’s who. And yet…and yet…

12. I was a cheerleader in high school. For some reason this shocks people…I choose to believe it’s because I appear much smarter than the average cheerleader.

13. I shoplifted when I was 13 (and subsequently sent everything back to the store, along with money for the things my friend had stolen). I have an extremely guilty conscious, a firm belief in Karma, along with some good old fashioned morals.

14. I absolutely love driving. It’s kind of like a video game to me…weaving through cars to see how fast I can get somewhere and what a better driver I am than 99% of the people out there. My eyes are constantly scanning for gaps I can shoot…and cops. This is a big part of the reason my current vehicle only has 4-cylinders, as opposed to being a V6. It’s another disease. (And really, I was probably overstating when I said I know I’m not better than 99% of the drivers out there…but only a little.)

15. I had to have a tracheotomy when I was a baby because I swallowed a piece of plastic that got caught in my throat. Sometimes when people ask me about the scar (it’s still very visible because I scar horribly) I like to make up scary stories about what happened to me. I rarely fool people though, because a) I’m a horrible liar and b) it’s a pretty perfect incision scar.

16. I’m a red/ blue, ENTJ Scorpio born the year of the Snake. What does this all mean? Yeah, your guess is as good as mine.

17. I hate cats. I will put up with them (and even pet them if I feel like I must to be polite) and I only dream about kicking them across the room (I’d never actually do it), but I HATE them. I think they are disgusting.

18. I talk too much.

19. I ran with the bulls in Pamplona.

20. I sing well, but I audition horribly. In high school my choir director told me I was lucky he knew how well I could really sing because based on the audition, I never would have made it. College was almost identical. I hate this about myself.

21. I am a total bibliophile, partly because library books scare me. Who knows where they’ve been or what people have done while reading them? They gross me out. That’s why I have stacks and stack and boxes and boxes of books. I have purchased almost every book I’ve ever read. Occasionally someone will lend me a book, which is okay as long as it hasn’t been lent to too many people. Apparently, I still believe in cooties?

22. I love SCUBA diving, but swimming in the ocean (on the surface…without a mask) scares the crap out of me. I still do it. Fear rarely keeps me from doing anything.

23. I believe in low-maintenance friendships–the kind that can be maintained through a phone call a year sometimes–and am perfectly comfortable “quitting” a friendship if it becomes too high-maintenance. Some people think that makes me selfish. I think it makes me sane.

24. I used to tattoo people’s faces for a living for a living. I didn’t do it to myself, but I did have it done. It all needs to be touched up.

25. I still cry myself to sleep no less than monthly because I miss my mom. She died when I was 18.

decisions and sacrifices

The whole thought process started with the purchase of a diving magazine. It often happens that when I am in the airport I make impulse magazine purchases. This particular diving magazine had a list of the top dive sites of 2009. I was sold.

One of my dreams/goals is to dive the Galapagos Islands with their huge schools of pelagic fish. I want to spend seven days on a live aboard diving morning, noon, and night!

As I was thinking about this trip I want to take, I realized that I want to get some experience with underwater photography before I go, which means a trip somewhere not-so-expensive to learn (which will be expensive). It all adds up. Not cheap.

And then I started to think about all of the money I’ve spent this year on impulse. (Don’t ask me how much I spent on cosmetics I didn’t need this weekend…it’s embarrassing.) Makeup, eating out, music, etc, etc. It’s not that I don’t want these things (and really, I will never stop purchasing music…and yes I know I could get a lot of it for free, but being the capitalist pig that I am, I just can’t do it…see if you can make that one make sense). I blow money on a regular basis. I love to shop. I love new things. I love cosmetics and shoes. I love product. I love good food.

As I sat on my Southwest flight (still my favorite airline of all time) from Vegas to Salt Lake, I suddenly realized how immature I am in my spending decisions. I am all about instant gratification. I mean, I’m a grown up! Why should I have to control my spending? It’s my money (or will be when I earn it and pay off my student loans).

And therein lies the dilemma of decisions and sacrifice. Whenever I make a decision to do something, I am making an equal decision to not do something else. I know this probably sounds super basic, but I found it mind-blowing. Yes, I realize this is what is commonly known as opportunity cost…but somehow I never connected it with my personal life.

It’s one thing to think about the fact that I shouldn’t have such horrible impulse purchasing habits, it’s another to realize that I have purchased enough $14 eyeshadows (yes, I spend $14 on each little pot of pressed powder that I use to paint my face every morning) this year alone (academic, not calendar) to have paid for a diving trip…not to the Galapagos Islands, but to get me that much closer to my goal of fantastic underwater photography (or at least good enough to mount on my own wall).

Is that the most embarrasing thing ever? Probably not, but it’s pretty bad.

So, suddenly every decision I find myself making has become multi-faceted. It’s not just “should I do this?”, now it’s that plus “what am I giving up by choosing to do this?” I tell you what, it’s exhausting…and extremely rewarding.

Yesterday, the decision was running. I knew how hard it was going to be–a) I’m out of running shape, and b) I’m carrying around 20 lbs more than I was at this time last year–so, it would have been very easy for me to just put it off…again. I chose to run. The conversation in my head went something like this:

Instant Gratification Chloe: If you run, you have to take a shower again today and be back to school by 5 pm. If you don’t, you could go home and take a nap.

Self-Aware Chloe: True, but if I don’t run I am sacrificing a healthier me and risking my chances of finishing that stupid half-marathon at the end of March.

IG Chloe: See, you just called it stupid.

S-A Chloe: I wasn’t serious. In fact, the only stupid thing around here is going to be me if I don’t run.

IG Chloe: Really, that’s how it’s going to be. Running? Do you know how painful and agonizing this is going to be?

S-A Chloe: Yes, and when I’ve finished those four miles I will feel so good about myself, it will be totally worth the pain.

IG Chloe: What the hell? When did we decide on four miles?

And that was that.

It’s been a fascinating couple of days as I’ve listened to my inner dialogue and really come to terms with just how motivated I am by a “right here, right now” mentality.

travel time

I spent my weekend (five days long…love having random school breaks) in Las Vegas. I had a fabulous time and didn’t want to ever leave (read: Chloe hates living in the snow, especially when all of her darling nieces and nephews live in warm, sunny, happy places). However, flying is one of my favorite things to do, so I at least welcomed the trip back to Utah.

I have flown often enough throughout my life, and especially over the last two years, that I have it down. I know which shoes I can and should wear. I know how to pack so that my liquids and laptop are at the ready when I need to remove them for security. I know what to pack on the plane (if I’m checking things) so that I have what I need for the flight. I’ve learned to not cut it so close that I end up annoyed by everyone who doesn’t know how to travel well. I don’t even mind turbulence (okay…I actually enjoy it sometimes). Basically, I have this flying stuff down (minus that one time when I left my passport in a German taxi). All of these things contribute to the reasons why I don’t dislike flying. But the reason I like flying is that I am completely disconnected for anywhere from an hour to eight, depending on the flight.

I don’t know if you know this about me, but I have a somewhat addictive personality (read: if I have tried something and like it, I’m pretty much addicted to it). This holds true of being technologically connected at all times. I honestly get depressed sometimes if I haven’t received enough emails or phone calls throughout the day. I am constantly checking to see if I have text messages. With my fabulous iPhone, I am connected 24/7 (and I don’t really get people who aren’t). But when I’m on a plane, I’m totally free…once the door closes and I have to turn off my phone. (Tonight, I was talking to my sister right until the point that the flight attendant walked by glaring at me.)

And during this disconnected time, I get to connect with myself; my thoughts, my feelings, my plans for the future. I get to have a deep conversation with me. (This is also why I love the gym…I refuse to take my phone in with me, however, the swearing that is often happening internally…and sometimes externally…often gets in the way of deep, meaningful internal dialogue.) Could I feasibly do this at home, without having to fly somewhere? Sure. Do I? Nope. Not ever. I don’t have that kind of discipline.

So, tonight, as I flew from Vegas to Salt Lake, I had some time to just think. It was fantastic. And what did I think about…besides the guy snoring loudly next to me? Decisions and sacrifices.

Rather than share with you the details of this internal dialogue, I think for now I will just leave you with that. Decisions and sacrifices. Some food for thought.

As a parting side note (although I think it much more focal than peripheral), I’m going to go ahead and share with you the etymology of the words sacrifice and decide (I love etymology):

Decide: From French décider or Latin decidere ‘cut off, decide’, from de- + caedere ‘cut’.

Sacrifice: From Latin sacrificium, the noun sacrifice, from the verb sacrificare, from sacer, sacred, + -ficium, deed, from the verb facere, do or make.

*I’ll share the minutiae of my inner dialogue tomorrow…for my own sake, although feel free to read all about it.

i’m back…

As I was flying home from Europe by myself I had lots of time to reflect on my life (I actually love flying for this reason…no cell phone or email or internet to distract) and one of the things I was thinking about is how my blogging since I started school has been different. I haven’t been enjoying it at all. I figured out that switching over to the other blog made me feel like there were parameters within which I could write and it makes me feel very limited.

So, I’m back to this one. The other one will still be there…but I think I am really going to limit that one to business school type things. Sorry to those of you who have switched back and forth with me, but I’m back to this one. I like how I write on this blog. I like that I don’t filter. I like that there aren’t parameters. I’m not really a “parameters” person. (I can be if I need to be, but I don’t like to be.)

I will be doing a little makeover on this blog, but this is where I started and this is where I want to continue.