So, I’ve been dumped before. And it has not been a pleasant experience. But even less pleasant is doing the dumping. I pretty much hate it. People are all for the “soft dump” but I am not good at it. I never have been. And personally, I don’t really like being on the receiving end of the soft dump. Or the soft let down. Or the soft rejection. The bottom line is ripping the band-aid off hurts whether you do it slowly or quickly. I also think the “soft” anything unintentionally encourages false hope. That or it makes people feel even worse because they know you’re just trying to make it less painful.

I actually appreciate a direct dump. Just get it over with so I can move on with my life. So, in true golden rule fashion (p.s. I don’t actually think the golden rule is well thought out…we should really worry about treating others how they want to be treated, not how we would want to be treated), I did exactly what I would prefer to have someone do. I just came out with it. Well, after three days of minimal contact where there had been maximal contact before. (Yes, maximal is a word…although it’s an exaggeration in this case, but whatevs…a lot of contact.)

The thing that I don’t feel great about is that I did it over text message and I didn’t really feel bad about it. I mean, on some level I might have, but there were no real alternatives. As he had decided that our main medium of communication would be texting (and by main, I mean only other than when we were actually on a date) anything else just felt like it would be kind of weird. So, this morning I rejected him via text. I tried to be nice about it, while remaining direct, but apparently I should just stick with what I know and not try to add any sugar because my friend informed me that I failed miserably and probably just made it worse.

Anyway, it’s over. And the whole reason I really started writing this post was not to tell you all about my text message but to capture the following. While I sometimes know it’s time to cut off a relationship and I do believe that direct is best, sometime my actions aren’t so clear. The void that I feel in my life just from the lack of communication or attention or whatever often breaks my resolve to have a clean break and really be done which isn’t fair to these guys who really are good people (usually). So, today, right after I sent the text message and he responded and it was clearly over, I purged him from my phone completely. It was done as soon as it was over. And it’s a good thing too, because right now the attention needing, insecure girl in me is wishing she could just text him a little bit more or go out one more time or maybe just have a little breakup make out. (Not that I think of this as a breakup–it was six weeks–but you get the point.)

The good news is there’s nothing I can do. I have no way of contacting him. So it’s done. And I feel good about it. And I’m sure he’s fine. Really, I’m sure he was starting to see that we were not MFEO. But oh, the lack of attention is hard to deal with.

So, it’s back to the drawing board. And I think, for now, the drawing board isn’t going to consist of me trying to capture the perfect guy, but more me trying to create the perfect me, whether the guy ever comes into the picture. A me that doesn’t crave the attention of a guy quite so much and is content with her very good, very fun, very happy life.

Note: In an effort to create this “best” me, I am about to go to bed (it’s 8:40 pm NY time) so I’m not rereading this or editing it. Please don’t judge the missed words, mixed up letters, or hanging prepositions. I’m sure I’ll come back and fix them later.