existential dilemmas

Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced. – Kierkegaard

a million thoughts, a few moments…

Posted on February 15, 2007 by chloe elizabeth

You know when you have those days when you just have so many things you want to write about. Today (and yesterday) were days like that.

First, I loved my English class last night. I finally enjoyed poetry…not sonnets, I’ve always enjoyed that, but I finally got it, I finally understood what people fall in love with. It’s incredible. There are so many hidden meanings to discover. Last night reminded me of that first time I found a shiny, pink tile in our sandbox. The sandbox is often fun at face value, but when you discover the treasures hidden within, it becomes magical and every scoop becomes a sort of treasure hunt. If you don’t understand what I’m talking about, I will explain a little further. Growing up, we had a jungle gym in our yard that was in a huge sandbox. In the sandbox there were tiles, the largest being about 1″ x 1″ and when we discovered this (my little brother and I) it became our mission to find the tiles. Now that I’ve discovered poetry, I want to find the treasures within. The history of the authors, the words, the rhyme, the form, the sound…it’s all so deliberate and there is so much to be found within.

Next…My dad sent me flowers yesterday (a day early for Valentine’s Day) and they are beautiful. I know that flowers on Valentine’s Day may seem a bit cliche and foolish since we are buying into the marketing machine that has perpetuated the irrational spending on items that are normally half the cost, but I love them. I will always love getting flowers, especially lilies and roses and tulips and iris’. And it is so fun to have them on my desk at work. And I love Valentine’s Day, single or not. While I realize that is a contrived holiday, I love to watch people in love.

Third…Katie Melua’s version of “Just Like Heaven” and the XM version of Sting’s “Fields of Gold”. While I love the originals (The Cure did “Just Like Heaven” and I love The Cure), these two versions make me happy.

Fourth…I have decided to make a regular habit of volunteering at the Missionary Training Center on Wednesdays (when the French speaking missionaries do their time in the Training Resource Center). Today, of all days, I didn’t have time, but I had planned on it, so I didn’t take any homework with me to do on my lunch break. I knew that if I had, I wouldn’t have gone and I would have missed out on one of the best and most spiritual experiences that I have had in a long time. I will spare you the details (plus, while I do share so much about myself here, some things are too special to share on a public blog), but I will say that there is something so sweet about two 19-year-old boys who have decided to give two years of their lives to go out in the world and teach people about the thing that is most important to them, a thing that they hold so sacred, a thing that is so easily discarded or mocked. As I sat across from these two missionaries, humbled by their limited ability to speak a language they are just learning, I could feel of their desire to convey to me their feelings about the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Last (at least that I am going to share because I need to get to bed)…and a little less important…I went to see “Music and Lyrics” tonight with the girls. It was so cute. And, with my dreams of cutting my own little album someday, I always enjoy a movie about music of any sort, even the silly, chick-flick kind. I definitely recommend it.

and there was music…

Posted on February 10, 2007 by chloe elizabeth

Music is really so powerful. I love it. I love words put to music. I love the feelings that different songs evoke. Sometimes it is the song itself, sometimes the memory associated with listening to the song. But no matter where the feelings come from, I think one would be hard-pressed to argue away the power of a song. I’m sure I’ve written about this before, because it is one of my most favorite subjects.

Music has changed who I am. A simple melody can take me into memories and the feelings are so powerful, I feel like I’m transported back to those experiences. During some of the most difficult times in my life, music has been my respite, my solace. When I have needed to just “let the feelings flow” in order to get through something hard, music has catalyzed the emotional outpouring. I wonder if everyone feels as I do.

I love that one song can bring me to tears, while another can kindle elation once felt while listening to it. The list of emotions I have felt while listening to different songs is incredible; happiness, gratitude, regret, angst, loneliness, joy, grief, anger, heartache, anguish, delight, bliss, elation, love, peace, sorrow, rapture, wonder…and the list goes on.

Tonight, I created a new musical memory. Sarah, Richard and I (heretofore known as “the roommates” or “roomies” for short) went to see Young Love in concert. I use the phrase “in concert” loosely. We did pay $10 and they were playing live at Kirby Court (this great small, I repeat, small venue in SLC). I don’t know that I had listened to their music ever (their first album was released two weeks ago Tuesday), but I am always up for good live music, especially when it’s a smaller crowd. Sarah burned me a cd (she’s the one who decided we should go to this concert), so we listened to it the whole way up. We got there just as the opening band was finishing.

It was fantastic. The music is a sort of blend between rock, punk, and electronica. The last song they played was “Find a New Way”, which is featured on J. Lo’s new show about dancing (I think it’s like American Idol, dance style). Anyway, Dan Keyes (front man) told us all that we were going to dance…and so we did (not that we hadn’t been before that, but we rocked it hard…yes, I am 29 and I just said that). It was so fun! It’s been a long time (too long) since I danced like that and just let loose. And then we blasted it in the car with the sunroof open (and the heater blasting) as we drove to Starbucks.

I had so much fun and now, that song (and the whole album really), will forever remind me of my fantastic night with the roomies.

And on the whole emotional side of lyrics, here are the lyrics to Schuyler Fisk’s “Lying to You”. What a great song. And which one of us hasn’t felt like this at some point in our lives, after having our heart broken?

I don’t know you.

I don’t love you.

I don’t think about you.

I’m not breaking.

I’m not torn up.

I don’t think about you.

You don’t look good in my bed.

I’ll take back every word I said.

You don’t know me like you think you do.

Truth be told, I’m just lying to you.

I’m just lying to you.

I’m not nervous.

I’m not worried.

I don’t think about you.

I’m not lonely.

I don’t miss you.

I don’t think about you.

You’re not ever on my mind.
I don’t need you in my life.
No, I don’t need you like you think I do.

Truth be told, well, I’m just lying to you.

Well, I’m just lying to you.

I’m just afraid

Of what you might say,

Of what you’re thinking now.

I’m in pieces

And you’re still speechless.

So, where does that leave us now?

I don’t know you.

I don’t love you.

I don’t think about you.

I’m not breaking.

I’m not torn up.

I don’t think about you.

Truth be told, I’m just lying to you.

I’m just lying to you.

I’ve been crying for you.

And I can’t keep lying to you.

I love music! I love how there is a song to express any feeling and a feeling to go with any song.

i have a new boyfriend!!!

Posted on February 9, 2007 by chloe elizabeth

Sadly, he doesn’t know it yet. His name is Joshua Radin. He seems to think this other girl is his girlfriend (the one for whom he wrote “The Fear You Won’t Fall”), but he needs to get over that.

If I could find a cute, nice boy to sing to me the way he sings…it would be over. Oh wait, I did find one…he just needs to realize it. His voice seriously makes me melt.

Schuyler Fisk opened for my boyfriend and she was great. And with the sexual tension between her and the bass player (guitar–there was a string bass player as well, but he was kind of creepy), you knew something was going on. My dreams of becoming a famous contemporary folk singer live on–and not because of the bass player :-). There’s just something so powerful about music. I love it!

My life really is fabulous! Especially now that I have a super sexy boyfriend! How lucky am I? Sarah has a new boyfriend, as well. His name is C-bass and he’s a drummer. We are the luckiest girls ever!

Joshua Radin…

Posted on February 6, 2007 by chloe elizabeth

Okay, the truth is I love all of his songs that I have downloaded off of iTunes. He’s dreamy!

And I hate Leilei Sobieski…or however you spell her name. I was clicking through channels and there’s some cheesehead movie on ABC Family with her in it. She’s the female lead opposite Chris Klein (I think that’s his name). She is so not a good actress and she’s not very cute and she has kind of a wierd body…And while he can’t act either, at least he’s fun to look at, although I would have picked Josh Hartnett, but I’m not Leilei.

And, in case you were wondering about the authority with which I stated that: Yes, I am a supermodel who can dance, act, sing, run marathons and bake cheesecake.

friday night confessions…sarah style

Posted on January 20, 2007 by chloe elizabeth

My friend, Sarah, has a blog (see the link to the left) called “Confessions of a Twenty-Something Drama Queen” where she “confesses”, usually in lists of 10. And I like it, so I’m copying her today.

1. Work has been super busy this last week as I have been down two (sometimes three) employees over the last two weeks (I only have three) and, while it has been busy, I have been enjoying the fact that I was able to go it alone and I am loving the praises of me that are being sung. It’s true…I love being good at my job.

2. I went and saw Freedom Writers tonight and I really enjoyed it. Anytime I watch those types of inspirational movies (kids make it out of gangs to succeed) it makes me want to do something like that with my life…then I think about how long it would take me to get my teaching certificate, what it would cost and what I would make…and, well, I change my mind. But I do volunteer…or I’m trying to.

3. The cd exchange (you can read about that chez Sarah as well) is one of the best ideas ever. I came home to a new cd tonight (I’m listening to it right now) and it was such a happy surprise. I love music.

4. One of my student employees got back from her extended break today and I was so excited. As much as I love being praised, I like being able to get all of my job done even more. Plus, she’s just a fabulous employee…and she brought me gifts and who doesn’t love anything from Marks & Spencer, seriously?

5. I’m supposed to run 7 miles tomorrow, but I don’t really want to. I was using my consulting class as an excuse not to (we were going to meet tomorrow), but now we’re not meeting tomorrow, so I really have no excuse.

6. I’m addicted to Veronica Mars and can’t wait for the new episode on Tuesday. And I’m excited that I’m hooking other people. It’s a very clever show.

7. I love my accounting class. It’s how my mind works. I think business is the way to go for me.

8. I am loving my new haircut and color (pics coming soon). It is so fun. I’m figuring out all of the different ways I can style it. Today it was diffused with some barrel curls–super sassy, and who doesn’t love a sassy blond…and I don’t just mean the hair?

9. We are covering poetry in my English class and I am less than excited. I wish that I would have just taken the final the first go around of this class…although I do love my professor, so that helps.

10. I’m so excited to sleep in tomorrow. I can’t sleep super late because I have hours of homework and I’m going out tomorrow night, but I will love not hearing an alarm at 5:30. Happy, happy thoughts…and on that note, I’m off to bed.