Due to the aforementioned GMAT, my long run was postponed until Monday. Sad that I literally changed a trip to California in order to take the GMAT during a long weekend so that I wouldn’t miss my long run. I should be committed…not I am committed (which I am), but I should be committed.

Anyway, I went to bed relatively early Sunday night, so I thought I would be good to go Monday morning, but I was wrong. First of all, I set my alarm too early. Remember the last time I ran super early in the morning, before it started to get light? Well, I felt no need to relive that experience, so when I saw, at 5:30, that it was still pitch black outside, I hit snooze. I’m amazed at the effect the snooze button has on my mind. As soon as I allow myself to think, “Hmm, maybe I don’t have to get up right now,” my mind decides to take that thought and run with it. During the hour and a half I spent lying in my bed, hitting the snooze button every eight minutes, I thought of every reason I didn’t need to get up and spend 3.5 hours on my feet, running.

I was tired. My head hurt. I had eaten way too much crap on Sunday…and Saturday…and Friday for that matter. I had a mild case of heartburn (one more reason to eat healthy food). My little brother and his family were in town and I could spend more time with them. I haven’t slept in for over 4 months, unless 8:00 on Sunday counts. With as late as it was getting, it was sure to be hot by the time I was done. What on earth made me think running a marathon was a good idea? No one would think I was a bad person for not choosing to run 18 miles.

But then this little voice, the voice that has seen me through every tough decision I’ve ever made, the voice that drives me to keep going even when I’m sure I’m going to fail, started to whisper, “You can do this. You want to do this. You live for these runs.” And then the whisper got louder, “When have you ever let a little headache stop you. Think about how you will feel this afternoon if you don’t run. Think of how amazing you will feel after you have. Remember when you were at the park last night and you were telling Justin and Cherity that, in the morning, you would be running from two miles further up the canyon all the way down to Utah lake and Justin said that he wouldn’t even drive that far to meet someone for lunch? Remember how good it felt when you thought about the fact that your body can run that far?”

Pretty soon it got loud enough to be really irritating, “You are not a quitter. You are a runner. You are a doer. You are not lazy. You feel bad about all of the crap you’ve eaten, but think of how much worse you will feel if you don’t run. If you get up now, you’ll be done before 12. It won’t be that hot and the last few miles are pretty well shaded. Get up, eat a little something, take a couple of Ibuprofen and get on with it already. You know you are going to do this, so why are you putting it off? It’s only going to make it worse.”

My mind beat my matter. As it always does. I often laugh after conversations such as these because they are truly an exercise in futility. My matter rarely ever wins and, frankly, arguing with my mind is pretty exhausting, especially because it totally prohibits any kind of rest that might otherwise be enjoyed. But, being the stubborn mule that I sometimes can be, I often try the arguments out, just to make sure I’m not losing my debating skills.

So, after much discussion (in my head…yes, I’ve already told you, I’m slightly crazy) I got out of bed, ate half a Cliff Bar, took two Ibuprofen, got dressed, gathered up my gear and I was off. I headed up the canyon and started to feel more and more excited about the prospect of having run (yes, being done with) 18 miles. While the running was a little painful at first (I really did eat a ton of crap all weekend long…something that often happens when my siblings are in town…only because I think it’s an excuse), the scenery was amazing. There was a whole little family of deer at the end of the road where I begin my run. The trees have already started to turn and the colors were absolutely gorgeous. My lack of desire to run was superseded by the sheer beauty of what I was seeing.

I know this isn’t the greatest pic, but all I had was the camera phone.

And then the endorphins started to kick in. Not like a runner’s high, but just a mild euphoria…less from running than from thinking about how blessed I am to be able to run in such a beautiful place, to be able to run at all. I thought about Anne and her knee pain and how lucky I have been when it comes to my lack of injury. It was one of those perfect moments. I would have been so sad to miss it. And then I spent the next three hours formulating essays in my head…you know, for all of my grad school applications. I thought about living in all of these different places. I thought about new opportunities. I thought, and thought, and thought some more. As one who thoroughly enjoys daydreaming, running is an ideal forum. I get to think to my heart’s content without feeling that I should really be doing something else.

I finally made a new playlist and that was quite enjoyable. I took the run a little slower and only took a walking break every other time a slow song rolled around. My pace was nice and steady. I did have a cramp in my left arch from mile 8 on, but it wasn’t really painful, just a bit uncomfortable. When you’re running for that long, your feet are bound to get a little upset. I drank less that usual, having discovered during last weekend’s half-marathon that there is such a thing as too much water. I ate fewer blocks, having eaten half a Cliff Bar pre-run. I feel like I got some good fine tuning done.

One of my favorite parts of the run was this biker. Apparently he had seen me when he was heading up the canyon, and then he passed me on his way down and he turned to look at me and stuck his fist in the air. You can picture it; a kind of “you go girl” air-punch. I saw biker dude about a mile later again. He was off to the side of the trail chatting up some other biker. As I ran past, I could see he was trying to talk to me. I pulled a headphone out of one ear to listen to hear him say, “Wow, I cannot believe how far you have run. That was you I saw up near South Fork, right? I am impressed.” That one comment got me through the next ten miles. It’s amazing how a few simple words of praise can do so much.

The last few miles were hard. I was exhausted. It was hot. I forgot to put on sunblock. My water was warm. I just wanted to be done…and then, finally, I saw 18.00 miles and I was done. How I’m going to manage to run 26.2 miles, I still haven’t figured out…but I know I’ll do it, because that’s who I am, that’s how I’m wired.

Playlist:

1. Freedom 90 6:30 George Michael
2. Mr. Brightside 3:41 The Killers
3. Glamorous (Feat. Ludacris) 4:06 Fergie
4. Witch In The Ditch 3:44 Erasure
5. what about us 3:57 Brandy
6. Colors 2:41 Amos Lee
7. Simply Being Loved 4:21 BT
8. Dance Dance 5:02 Fall Out Boy
9. Get Over It 3:16 ok go
10. Gotta Go My Own Way 3:44 High School Musical 2
11. Failsafe 2:39 The New Pornographers
12. Baby Hold On 5:04 Way Dixie Chicks
13. Senorita 4:34 Justin Timberlake
14. Porcelain 3:58 Moby
15. SexyBack 4:02 Justin Timberlake
16. Hysteria 3:47 Muse
17. Summer Love 4:15 Justin Timberlake
18. No One Is to Blame 3:59 Emile Millar
19. Hot ‘n’ Cold Pussycat 4:11 Basement Jaxx vs.
20. Sunday Bloody Sunday 4:40 U2
21. Glamorous (Feat. Ludacris) 4:06 Fergie
22. Irreplaceable 3:47 Beyoncé
23. Summer Love 4:15 Justin Timberlake
24. Breathe Me 4:35 Sia
25. Clothes Off 3:55 Gym Class Heroes
26. Workout Plan 2:52 Kanye West
27. Standing Outside A Broken Phone Boo… 5:39 Primitive Radio Gods
28. How We Operate 5:28 Gomez
29. Changes 4:29 Tupac Shakur
30. Lost In This Moment 3:37 Big & Rich
31. beautiful love 4:09 The Afters
32. Senorita 4:34 Justin Timberlake
33. Gotta Go My Own Way 3:44 High School Musical 2
34. Chicago 6:12 Sufjan Stevens
35. Adventures in Solitude 4:18 The New Pornographers
36. Waiting in Vain 5:40 Annie Lennox
37. Failsafe 2:39 The New Pornographers
38. Give It to Me 3:32 Timbaland featuring
39. Faster Kill Pussycat 3:14 Oakenfold
40. No Apagues la Luz 3:49 Enrique Iglesias
41. Open Your Heart 4:13 Madonna
42. On My Mind 4:10 Kalai
43. Under Pressure 4:03 Queen & David Bowie
44. When You Were a Starlight 4:11 Team9 vs. The Killers
45. Forever 3:51 Live
46. Glamorous (Feat. Ludacris) 4:06 Fergie
47. Senorita 4:34 Justin Timberlake
48. Fields of Gold 3:33 Sting & Edin Karamazov
49. i didnt steal your boyfriend 3:04 ashlee simpson
50. The Call 3:26 Backstreet Boys
51. I Still Remember 4:23 Bloc Party
52. My Console 4:17 Eiffel 65
53. Video 4:15 India Arie
54. Time 4:08 Chantal Kreviazuk

P.S. I’ve discovered that I would rather listen to a song that I’m “in the mood for” three times, than put on a different one, that I’m not loving as much, just for variety. I’m the girl who can listen to the same song 500 times in a row and not get sick of it.