canyonlands half…not the best experience of my life

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I will never again be so undertrained for a race. The Canyonlands Half Marathon was really, really hard for me. A number of factors contributed to this (undertraining, higher temperatures, 15 lbs more on my frame than last year, I thought running eight miles two days before was a good idea). I only finished 7 minutes slower than last year…but it was HARD. (The fun part was spending the weekend with Christy. Despite the disappointing race, I did have a fabulous time…although I think we both agree that we missed Jen and Anne!)

So, I have another half in four weeks. I’m on a good training track, considering I just ran 13.1.

Really, I should be happy that I finished. I should be grateful that I have this amazing body that will let me push it 13.1 miles. But honestly, I’m just frustrated…with myself. A year and a half ago I ran a marathon – A FULL MARATHON – at a faster pace than I ran this half on Saturday. Why didn’t I keep that momentum going? Why did I let myself gain weight? Etc, etc, etc.

In order to get myself over this funk, I’ve decided to set some real goals in terms of speed. Now, I won’t be winning any races. Side note: a classmate’s spouse took 4th in women’s overall…yes, OVERALL. She averaged just over 6-minute miles for 13.1 miles! Anyway, as I was saying, I won’t be winning any races, but I will reach my goal. It is going to require some serious dedication and a lot of training (and weight loss), but I’m determined to do it. If I can run/jog/walk 13.1 miles right now, in this shape, at this weight, there’s just no reason to not be able to get to where I want.

In an effort to make time for life, I’ve decided to limit my commitments for next year. I don’t want to ever feel again the way I felt on Saturday when I finished that race (emotionally or physically…I thought I was going to die), so I need to make sure I have time for training so that I don’t let this, something that is really important to me, fall to the bottom of my priority list.

So, here’s to new goals and plans to reach them! Hopefully the five mile run tonight will go well. (Along with the midterm I have to take that I have yet to study for…so busy!) Right now, I’m just working toward a 10-minute pace for five miles. One step at a time, right?

why i love amazon.com

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There are a number of reasons. I love books, so I order them from Amazon all the time. Seriously, probably every other week. I have a preferred (or something like that) membership so I don’t have to pay shipping and I get my stuff a little faster. I can find just about any book I want on there. Not only that, but did you know they have a fabulous shoe site: endless.com?

But most of all, I love whatever the feature is that allowed me to request that I be notified as soon as this lens became available. I know some of you who just recently started reading probably don’t realize that I love to take pictures, but I do. However, because I purchased the Nikon D-40 my camera does not have the capability to auto-focus unless the lens has a motor built in (lamest thing ever…and had I known that, I probably would have purchased a Canon, but too late now). My favorite lens (and only one other than the kit lens, which is not my favorite) is my 50 mm f/1.8, however…no auto-focusing capabilities.

So this new lens will mean lots more pictures!!! Yay for me! And it should arrive before I leave for Moab on Friday…which is another post entirely.

open mouth, insert foot

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Why is it that I say such stupid things when I’m upset? I’m sure there’s some physiological reason for this, not that it’s an excuse, but it might make me feel better.

And really, I’ve gotten much better about it, especially when I’m angry at someone for how they’ve treated me. The problem is when I’m upset with someone for how they are treating someone I care about. I have a much harder time controlling what I say. But really, most of the time, these situations are none of my business. And most of the time, there is a lot more going on than what I think is going on. There are almost always (as I often discover after opening my big mouth) a number of factors that I a) didn’t know about and/or b) didn’t consider. And yet. And yet…

Anyway, you’re not getting the details of my latest debacle, not because I’m not willing to share (I think it’s obvious that there is very little about myself that I won’t share), but because there’s no point in perpetuating my problem via the interwebs.

It’s just an interesting experience to be slapped in the face by your own bad behavior and wish you could take it back, but know that all you can do is apologize and try harder next time. What I need to figure out is what is really behind the mean things that come out of my mouth so that I can not say them. Or maybe it’s not about not saying anything. Maybe it’s about expressing myself in a more constructive way. Hmm. Something to think about. If only silence and I could get along.

the continual weight loss drama of my life

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I know I haven’t written about this much, but I feel like it’s time for an update. I’m still losing weight. The process is very, very, very slow, but something about the slowness of it gives me comfort. I think it might be some psychological thing where I think that because it’s taking so long to get off, it won’t come back. True or not…the psychological comfort is helpful.

You want to know what else is helpful? Getting sick for a week. Or at least I thought it was until all of that weight turned out to just be water. It was quite depressing…gaining 6 lbs over night. Seriously. But all in all the process is going well. I’ve gotten below “mission fat”, praise all that’s good and holy! In case you don’t understand the term “mission fat”, this was how fat I was when I returned home from being on a mission for my church. Over the course of 16 months I managed to put on 35 lbs; “mission fat” was my all time a high…a weight I swore I would never ever see on a scale again. And yet…and yet…

I am now below “mission fat”. It feels great. My goal is to never see that number again (including whenever I end up pregnant) so I have a lot more to lose. I’ve been learning a lot of helpful things in my classes at school (interestingly enough). It’s not that I’m learning about weight loss, but I’m learning a lot about how to change behavior. And actually one of the books I’ve had to read does talk about weight loss specifically. The book is called Influencer and the authors (one of whom is my professor) have found three key behaviors present in those individuals who manage to lose weight and keep it off. Are you ready for this? I think your minds might be blown. They are 1) weighing yourself every morning, 2) eating breakfast, and 3) doing cardio at home. (Seriously, the book is worth reading.)

I know those of you who struggle with any kind of long-term trial/addiction can understand what I’m talking about. Losing weight, in the long-term, is about a lot more than eating less and exercising more. I have years of habits that have to be altered. Not an easy task. But I really do think those three behaviors are helping.

The good news is things are going well. I’ve had some set-backs, but I am managing the discouragement that normally accompanies those much better than I ever have. I’m being patient with myself. It’s kind of nice. Plus, I don’t really have any other option. With as busy as I am with school and life, and as much as I travel (not conducive to weight loss chez moi), I have to be willing to accept setbacks.

But here are my fantastic accomplishments for the week. Push-ups; I can do them and not on my knees. That’s kind of a big deal. The other one just happened tonight. I clocked a mile under 10 minutes. I realize a number of you out there could do that in your sleep (almost), but considering how little I’ve been running lately and how much I weigh right now, that’s a great feeling. Sometimes I think about how fast I’ll be able to run with 20, or 30, or 50 lbs less to carry and I get really, really excited. That’s the best motivation.

Speaking of motivation, are any of you watching The Biggest Loser? (I watch a total of three hours of t.v. a week generally…this and Lost. That’s it.) Seriously, I love that show. It’s so inspiring to me. Now, I would love it if I could commit all of my time to losing weight (and I think I’d kick some serious trash), but that’s not why I find it inspiring. What does inspire me? The fact that I have so much less to lose than the contestants.

And speaking of The Biggest Loser, if you want a great workout I highly recommend Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred. Kicks. My. Trash. In less than 30 minutes. Seriously amazing.

And in case you were looking for some new tunage for your workouts…here are my latest favorites:

  • I Hate This Part – Pussycat Dolls (yes…I am kind of embarrassed, but whatever)
  • Welcome to the World – Kevin Rudolf and Rick Ross (I personally like the non-explicit version)
  • Jai Ho – From Slumdog Millionaire
  • The Way I Are – Timbaland (not new…but still fabulous!)
  • Crash and Burn Girl – Robyn (yes…Robyn…the one-hit-wonder of the 90s)
  • Le Disko – Shiny Toy Guns
  • Day ‘N’ Night – Kid Cudi
  • I’d Like To – Corinne Bailey Rae
  • Hypnotized – Big Gemini (this is more of a cool down song…but I’m loving it)

Where am I finding all of these…the radio. Yes, I’m listening to the radio these days and with the help of Shazam, I manage to find and remember the names of all of the songs I want to download.

For some other favorite songs (not necessarily workout stuff), I’ve updated my sidebar!

a landslide victory

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So…in case any of you were wondering, I won my election. I was running against Abstinence. (You could vote for Chloe or Abstain…I found that rather comical.) Anyway, I am now the Executive VP of Student Life. For the first time ever, I am participating in student government. I know some people think it’s kind of a joke, but seriously, I’m excited. A group of us ran together (unofficially) and we all won (uncontested), which is rad because we have a definite vision of what we want to accomplish. We realize that we aren’t going to change the world…or even the academics…but we are going to make a difference!

If you want to see with whom I’ll be working, here you go:

Mr. President – Oliver
VP of Academics – Mathew
VP of Finance – Kyle (well, either he doesn’t have a blog…or I’m not cool enough to know it exists))
VP of Communications – Thamina (oh, and Thamina was not uncontested…she actually won her election.)