because it’s been too long

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I’m pre-dating this post so that it follows right after my dad’s birthday on the blog. Here are some photos of the nieces and nephews. I can’t believe how big the older ones are getting. And how grown up the younger ones seem. It was also fun to take some action shots of them. My brothers and sisters will be so sad if I ever decide to stop taking pictures…
Probably my favorite pic of the whole sledding expedition!
The same niece, looking a little less crazy. 🙂
Can you see the mud flying?
Love the tongue on this one…this was her face down almost every run.
My oldest nephew…I can’t believe he’s almost 17. And my niece who is almost 8!
My nephew wore his hat like this basically the whole time. Trust me, he was having fun, even though you can’t see it on his face like you can on his cousin’s.
So much fun!

At the end of a very fun afternoon of sledding…

they went easy on me this week

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No wet pants. No gum in hair. And no bloody nose. Teaching primary today was entirely uneventful, except to say that I love it more and more every week. As I’ve started to get to know these kids, I am starting to see how it is that God loves all of us, even with our quirks and flaws and stupid choices.

The one thing I will say for this week is that I think my co-teacher, Jessica, and I are slowly figuring out how to manage our “classroom”. We met for dessert on Tuesday to discuss the kids and how we wanted to run things. The teacher before us had set up three ground rules that she had shared with Jessica, and I agreed that we should continue with them. They are basic. These kids are four. It works.

  1. Keep your hands to yourself
  2. Stay on your seat
  3. Don’t talk when someone else is talking

What is amazing to me is how well kids react to structure when you are consistent with it.

We also decided that where the kids sit would help. There are just a few kids that are little busier than the others. We also have a set of twins who like to always sit next to each other. So, we’re mixing things up. We had them each color their own name tags today and I will get them laminated and put magnets on them to stick on the chairs each week. We were a little curious to see how they’d react to this forced seating, but they were all so excited to find their name that I don’t think they even thought about the change. We’ll see how it goes next week.

The other great thing about these, as I discovered today, is that I can use them in order to randomly call on people. Just like in any classroom, you have kids that are always answering questions and sharing and others that don’t ever participate. It was seriously amazing to see how, if the kids new that I would be calling on them they a) listened a little better and b) were willing to answer.

So, all in all, things are going well. And not only do I just love these kids, I’ve discovered that I really look forward to church and it seems to fly by. I’m actually going to be sad to miss next week.

Now, as far as the lesson was concerned, it might not have been my best lesson ever. I could have done a better job with a few of the elements. That said, my goal is really for these kids to just know that I love them. And I think I accomplished that today. So, overall, a success.

And just because some of you might have kids in primary, a couple helpful things that will make life a little easier for your kids’ teachers:

  • No gum
  • Unless you’re providing snacks for everyone (or your kid has medical needs), don’t send your kid in with them
  • While teachers of the younger children understand that wiping noses is part of the job, it’s nice if you can at least drop your kid off with a clean face
  • Your child’s favorite toy/blanket/etc can be very distracting and we don’t really need any additional distractions

dear you…inspired by a trip into jersey

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Dear Woman I Rear-Ended,

I’m still not sure what exactly to say in response to what happened today. I’m not talking about the accident. I know why I hit you. It’s my one driving downfall and is to blame for almost every one of my accidents. It comes from being an aggressive driver. I don’t want to slow traffic down to merge onto a freeway, so as soon as I see the car in front of me start moving, I assume it is going to keep moving…and when I turn my head to check traffic so I can merge…well, you can see how that would be problematic if the car in front of me decides to stop. Again, not what has me speechless.

What I can’t wrap my head around is the fact that when you go out of your car to yell at me, it was only to yell at me. And then you proceeded to get back in your car and drive away. I mean, I hit your car. I hit it. My fault. And you were the one running. So strange. Kelly and I were completely dumbfounded.

Sincerely,

A girl who is assuming that you’re driving around without car insurance/a valid license and/or current registration…what other explanation could there be?

Dear ZipCar,

Thanks for making the whole process of dealing with the accident relatively painless. Hopefully, you won’t decide I can’t rent from you anymore, although I wouldn’t blame you if you did. That said, seriously, the accident was super minor AND while it was my fault, I would like to use the previous letter as evidence that the woman I hit was crazy and therefore, I think the blame can be shared.

My apologies,

Chloe

Dear Nordstrom,

Thank you for being so close to IKEA. Kelly will tell you that I was more than a little excited when I saw your name on the side of the mall. And thank you for having such wonderful customer service. When my Uggs ripped a couple of weeks ago after only having purchased them in December, I knew that if I could just wait until I was back to Utah (by a Nordstrom, with a car) you would exchange my shoes. Since I wasn’t planning on visiting you in NJ, it was just by chance that I was wearing said Uggs, and I definitely did not have a receipt with me. And yet, I knew that there would be no problems with exchanging them. And I was not disappointed.

Sincerely,

A girl who wishes every company had the same commitment to customer service

Dear Crazy Lady in the Mall Parking Lot (not to be confused with the crazy lady I hit earlier),

Yes, I do realize that I was driving the wrong way up the parking lot aisle. I’m not stupid. I saw a parking space you were leaving and I knew I could just flip a quick u-turn into it. My favorite part of this little moment was the way you looked at me as if I had just run over a cat and laughed. So while, yes, I take full responsibility for my actions and recognize that you were right to judge me for going the wrong way, I also think that if this was the most shocking thing you saw all day, your life could use a little more excitement. I suggest starting with walking in a bike lane. I wouldn’t want you to be overwhelmed on your first attempt at living.

Warmest regards,

A girl who is sad that you probably went home and told your husband all about the abominable behavior you witnessed in the mall parking lot

Dear New Jersey Drivers,

I realize that my judgment of you might seem a little hypocritical given the aforementioned “accident”, but I’m still going to ask a few questions. Feel free to respond as appropriate. Merging? Yielding? Signaling? Stopping? Freeway signs that are actually helpful? Your answers to these questions will help me understand what it is you think about while you should be thinking about doing these things.

Good luck,

Chloe

Dear Chili’s,

I just want you to know that, no matter how long I live in fabulous New York City, or how many Michelin rated restaurants I eat at (none…yet), I will always love you. Your thin chips and thick queso. Your delicious grilled chicken. Your molten dessert. And your free refills! Thank you for being by IKEA. Thank you for tasting the same in NJ, UT, AZ, CA, NV, etc, etc. Thank you for giving me an uneventful moment in an otherwise overly eventful day.

Many thanks,

A foodie who loves the gourmet as much as the everyday

Dear Gypsy Cab Driver,

So, you though you had the advantage because I was in Washington Heights where there just aren’t that many legit cabs available. And I was holding all of my purchases. And it was freezing and windy. Little did you know you were picking up a girl who knows how to negotiate. I know you were shocked when I asked you up front how much it was going to cost to get me to 96th and Broadway. And even more shocked when I said that was too much. And probably shocked again when I told you the second price quoted was fine, but it would be inclusive of a tip.

Thank for helping me feel like I am really becoming a New Yorker,

Chloe

because

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Because sometimes I have too much to say to do so coherently. Because my lovely friend Katie posted this on her blog and it made me smile. Because I ment Katie in Switzerland. Because I love Paris. Because I speak French.


EF – Live The Language – Paris from Albin Holmqvist on Vimeo.

Because I saw Ian Axel last night in concert and think you all should see him, too. Because Chad Vaccarino is amazing. Because I wish my voice sounded like Allie Moss’ Because sometimes that are too many words on my blog. Because who doesn’t love songs about new beginnings?

Because while waiting for the headliner last night, this song came on. Because it’s a band I’d never heard. Because I like introducing people to new music. Because I like it.

Because I posted these words in my last post. Because this song makes me happy. Because I feel more free than I have in a long time.

wanting what we really want

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I had a great conversation tonight with a new friend. Jessica is my co-teacher for my primary class and we got together for dessert to discuss strategy. She’s got the teaching expertise (high school teaching). I’ve got the kid knowledge (seven nieces and nephews). We’re a good team…but not really the point of this post.

Anyway, after working through the details of strategy, structure, and implementation for our little class (yeah…my job does leak into everything I do), we got down to girl talk. She got married young. I’m still single. She likes to hear my stories. I like to talk. It works.

She was asking me about the boy I’d been interested in the last time we talked boys. I couldn’t remember which one it was…so apparently, I’ve moved on. But I still had plenty to report.

While relaying these stories, I shared with her the recent epiphanies I’ve had as I’ve spent some time with some guys I would have never normally been interested in. There’s nothing wrong with these guys…they just aren’t necessarily part of my social scene. And maybe they’re not what I would ever imagine dating. But for some reason, I’ve been thrown into these situations that have lent themselves to continued interaction.

And all of these epiphanies have made me realize that I kind of like these guys. Sure, they aren’t the type I normally want (I was going to say “go after”, but let’s be honest…I don’t normally go after anyone), but there’s something about all of them that has made me realize that maybe I’ve been going after the wrong guys. As Patti likes to say, maybe my picker is broken. But admitting that maybe I actually like these types of guys…? Another issue.

And these have all been leading me to one thought. A thought that wouldn’t form, but it was there. A thought that Jessica articulated perfectly tonight. (I wish you could have seen my reaction when she spoke these words…it was almost comical. Small jump in my seat. Eyes widened. Sharp intake of breath. Hands moving as I struggled to contain the thoughts pushing their way from my brain to my mouth without any kind of order.)

“Wanting what we want is hard.”

Think about it. How often do we want what we think we should want? Or what we think others want?  Or what we think others want us to want? Or, or, or?

Wanting what we really want (and admitting it and owning it) is scary. At least for me. And this is what my recent experiences with these very unlikely boys has made me realize. I have been wanting what I thought I should want. I did the same thing when I was deciding what direction to go in b-school. I wanted to do marketing because I thought I should want to do marketing. It made sense. My dad understood it. I didn’t feel a need to justify my decision to anyone. But the reality was that I was terrified of going into marketing because it wasn’t what I was going to be happy doing, and truthfully, I would have sucked at it. But admitting that what I wanted was to go into HR…well, that wasn’t easy. And yet, once I did it, I was so much happier and it was so clear that that’s what I really wanted…and I have been successful so far because it’s a good fit for me.

The same seems to be true with boys…only I’ve been much slower to figure it out. But during the past month of my life, I have started to understand what I really want. (No confessions here…I’m not secretly dating anyone nor have I fallen for anyone, just been exposed to some new ideas in the dating arena…and by ideas, I mean boys that I’ve had to figure out how to wrap my head around.) And maybe, when I find this hypothetical guy, I will have to justify it to my friends or family because he isn’t going to be exactly what they will think I should want. And maybe it is a little scary because it’s not what I think I should want. But, so what? Is it tough to actually want what I want and let go of the images that I had created in my head of the person I thought I wanted to find? Of course. But can I tell that I’m going to be happier in the end by doing so? Absolutely.

And, as if that wasn’t enough fun for one evening, when I got home, in preparation for tomorrow’s concert which I will be attending, I downloaded Ian Axel’s new album, This Is the New Year, and the first song on the album is called “Leave Me Alone”. While the lyrics may sound slightly bitter, given the conversation I had just had, they were so in line with all of my thoughts. Isn’t it about being honest, after all? Honest with others, but more importantly, honest with ourselves.

Leave Me Alone

It’s not easy when you say that you’re sorry.
It’s not easy when you say you don’t love me at all.

Let’s be honest. You don’t care that you hurt me.
Let’s be honest. I don’t care that you’re lonely.

You don’t love me anymore.
You keep coming back for more.
If you don’t love me anymore, leave me alone.

We’re not dating. Who cares what your mom says?
We’re not dating. You can sleep in your own bed.

You don’t lovely me anymore.
You keep coming back for more.
If you don’t love me anymore, leave me alone.
Leave me alone.

Whatever I do, whatever I say, it doesn’t matter anyway.
You want me to move, you want me to stay, you won’t be happy either way.
Take all your s@#$. I’m over it.

It’s not easy. It’s not easy. It’s not easy. It’s not easy. It’s not easy.

You don’t lovely me anymore.
You keep coming back for more.
If you don’t love me anymore, leave me alone.
Leave me alone.
Leave me alone.
Leave alone.