Dear Woman I Rear-Ended,

I’m still not sure what exactly to say in response to what happened today. I’m not talking about the accident. I know why I hit you. It’s my one driving downfall and is to blame for almost every one of my accidents. It comes from being an aggressive driver. I don’t want to slow traffic down to merge onto a freeway, so as soon as I see the car in front of me start moving, I assume it is going to keep moving…and when I turn my head to check traffic so I can merge…well, you can see how that would be problematic if the car in front of me decides to stop. Again, not what has me speechless.

What I can’t wrap my head around is the fact that when you go out of your car to yell at me, it was only to yell at me. And then you proceeded to get back in your car and drive away. I mean, I hit your car. I hit it. My fault. And you were the one running. So strange. Kelly and I were completely dumbfounded.

Sincerely,

A girl who is assuming that you’re driving around without car insurance/a valid license and/or current registration…what other explanation could there be?

Dear ZipCar,

Thanks for making the whole process of dealing with the accident relatively painless. Hopefully, you won’t decide I can’t rent from you anymore, although I wouldn’t blame you if you did. That said, seriously, the accident was super minor AND while it was my fault, I would like to use the previous letter as evidence that the woman I hit was crazy and therefore, I think the blame can be shared.

My apologies,

Chloe

Dear Nordstrom,

Thank you for being so close to IKEA. Kelly will tell you that I was more than a little excited when I saw your name on the side of the mall. And thank you for having such wonderful customer service. When my Uggs ripped a couple of weeks ago after only having purchased them in December, I knew that if I could just wait until I was back to Utah (by a Nordstrom, with a car) you would exchange my shoes. Since I wasn’t planning on visiting you in NJ, it was just by chance that I was wearing said Uggs, and I definitely did not have a receipt with me. And yet, I knew that there would be no problems with exchanging them. And I was not disappointed.

Sincerely,

A girl who wishes every company had the same commitment to customer service

Dear Crazy Lady in the Mall Parking Lot (not to be confused with the crazy lady I hit earlier),

Yes, I do realize that I was driving the wrong way up the parking lot aisle. I’m not stupid. I saw a parking space you were leaving and I knew I could just flip a quick u-turn into it. My favorite part of this little moment was the way you looked at me as if I had just run over a cat and laughed. So while, yes, I take full responsibility for my actions and recognize that you were right to judge me for going the wrong way, I also think that if this was the most shocking thing you saw all day, your life could use a little more excitement. I suggest starting with walking in a bike lane. I wouldn’t want you to be overwhelmed on your first attempt at living.

Warmest regards,

A girl who is sad that you probably went home and told your husband all about the abominable behavior you witnessed in the mall parking lot

Dear New Jersey Drivers,

I realize that my judgment of you might seem a little hypocritical given the aforementioned “accident”, but I’m still going to ask a few questions. Feel free to respond as appropriate. Merging? Yielding? Signaling? Stopping? Freeway signs that are actually helpful? Your answers to these questions will help me understand what it is you think about while you should be thinking about doing these things.

Good luck,

Chloe

Dear Chili’s,

I just want you to know that, no matter how long I live in fabulous New York City, or how many Michelin rated restaurants I eat at (none…yet), I will always love you. Your thin chips and thick queso. Your delicious grilled chicken. Your molten dessert. And your free refills! Thank you for being by IKEA. Thank you for tasting the same in NJ, UT, AZ, CA, NV, etc, etc. Thank you for giving me an uneventful moment in an otherwise overly eventful day.

Many thanks,

A foodie who loves the gourmet as much as the everyday

Dear Gypsy Cab Driver,

So, you though you had the advantage because I was in Washington Heights where there just aren’t that many legit cabs available. And I was holding all of my purchases. And it was freezing and windy. Little did you know you were picking up a girl who knows how to negotiate. I know you were shocked when I asked you up front how much it was going to cost to get me to 96th and Broadway. And even more shocked when I said that was too much. And probably shocked again when I told you the second price quoted was fine, but it would be inclusive of a tip.

Thank for helping me feel like I am really becoming a New Yorker,

Chloe