lessons from a matchmaker

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I’m on vacation in Vegas right now with Sarah and Kelly. It’s currently 5:55 AM local time and I’m on a conference call. So as not to completely piss off my lovely friends, I came downstairs and am sitting in the cafe adjacent to the casino. The call started at 5 am, meaning I got out of bed at 4:55 AM – no reason to get ready at all when I’m going right back to bed when this is over. At least that’s what I thought…

I’ve been reading Patti Stanger’s book, Become Your Own Matchmaker. One of the things she talks about, in terms of getting guys to ask you out, is going places alone so that you are approachable. And so that you aren’t competing with your prettiest friend. The “prettiest friend” piece totally makes sense. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think I’m ugly. But I do think I have a lot of girlfriends who are prettier/thinner/sexier (do people use that word?) than I am. And this is obvious when we are all out together. Certain friends always get the attention. Not a big deal since we are not generally out “cruising for guys”. I appreciate that I have such attractive friends. That doesn’t change the fact that it’s true.

Moving on…I also get the whole “go places alone” idea. It makes sense. One woman…much easier to approach than 3 or 4 or 5. That said, almost never do this. Not because I have issues going places alone (I will go to movies, lunch, dinner, concerts, etc, alone), but in both my personal life and my work life, there are just a lot of people I want to see on a regular basis and so when I go out, it’s usually to see them. I also just struggle with the idea of getting all ready to go out by myself. Not to mention, I have zero interest in meeting someone in a bar, which then begs the question, “Now that I’m all dressed up and ready to go, where do I go?”

Well, shame on me for not making an effort to figure out the answer to that question and make it happen. As I have been sitting here in this little cafe, this guy sat down not too far from me and keeps looking over. Of course, my instant thought is that he must be staring at my oh-so-cute pajamas that I am wearing–with a hoodie. And not in a good way. Not to mention the half-wet bun in my hair as a result of my shower just before bed. I feel super attractive. Oh, and lest I forget to mention, he’s the type of guy I would actually want to check me out (i.e. age appropriate, good looking, has game, etc).

So, I’m sitting here, semi-mortified and trying to focus on my computer and my conference call and in walk his four friends. They obviously have yet to go to bed after last night’s adventures. They are now all glancing over at me, trying to be sly about it. And now, one of them has actually decided to talk to me. He apologizes for how loud they are being. They are having a good time and laughing lots–however, it’s not like the cafe is quiet otherwise. Side note: I’m enjoying the Wynn, but the elevator-ish music they play everywhere at high volumes is kind of obnoxious…I am not yet their target market (thankfully).

After sitting at my table, attempting to look very focused on what I’m doing and for them to not know that I’ve seen them see me, I now have an opportunity to acknowledge them. I smile broadly and tell them “No big deal.” I have the line muted and am just listening, so it really isn’t a big deal. I notice, when I smile, that they are all looking at me and smiling. This is a moment when I am oh-so-grateful that I have become aware that one of my best features is my smile (Patti would be proud). So, despite the fact that I am in my St. Patrick’s Day PJs and a red hoodie with no makeup on (let’s just say I’ve looked better), I know that now that I’m smiling, that is all they’re seeing.

I’m still on my conference call and have to turn my focus back on my computer. I continue to notice them without looking at them and am attempting to look as attractive as possible–in other words, not making my “I’m so focused” face, which creates a big crease in my forehead. But every so often, I look their way and smile, making eye contact with whomever happens to be looking. And it’s flattering to realize that there is always someone looking…who readily smiles back.

They are all getting up to leave now. (In an ideal world, I wouldn’t still be on this call. I also wouldn’t be in my PJs so that I wouldn’t be embarrassed to stand up.) The original guy hangs out a little longer than the rest, making himself busy clearing their table. Now, all but one of his friends has left, but he is lingering by the door just waiting. Original guy comes over to the trash can by me (less convenient than the one closer to his table and on the way out the door), dumps his tray and starts talking to me. Of course, this is right when I have to be paying attention to my conference call because my initiatives are being discussed, so I am doing my best to engage, smile, and also speed things along.

We chatted for a minute and now he is on his way. Not ideal. Also not the point.

The point? Patti is totally right. (Not that I ever questioned her, but it’s always great to have confirmation from personal experience.) Sitting alone means you’re not being compared to your friends and you are totally approachable. The other lesson…NEVER, ever go into a public space in your PJs, no matter how cute they are or how little you think you care because you never know when you might meet someone.

And now, the conference call is ending and I will head back to my room (avoiding a glance in any of the hundreds of mirrors in this hotel/casino, so that I won’t know just how rough I look) and go back to bed for a couple of hours. Working on vacation turned out to be not such a bad thing.

***Please don’t judge my inconsistent use of tenses. I didn’t get very much sleep and typed this as it was all happening, which means I was focused on three different things at once. Never the best combination.

life’s little mishaps

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Last night, before The Bachelor Finale party (side note: watching The Bachelor with my girlfriends is so entertaining and really, the only reason to watch it) at my place, Kelly and I got pedicures. This was a last minute decision on my part, but it worked out. As we were chatting, I commented on how I didn’t realize how early she’d be getting in to Vegas today for our girls’ trip, since Sarah and I aren’t getting in until tonight. Her response was, “You mean Wednesday, right?” And in that moment, I knew we’d had a serious break down in communication.

She checked the hotel reservations, and sure enough, they are only for Wednesday and Thursday nights. Somehow between all of our emails, texts, and phone calls, the lines got crossed and what Sarah and I understood as a trip that would start Tuesday night, Kelly understood as Wednesday morning.

All I could do was laugh. I mean, what else could I do? I found this seriously comical. And then the texts that followed between me and Sarah had me rolling on the floor (not literally) because they were so funny–I would share, but they were inside jokes and the explanation would kill the humor.

I never worry about stuff like this, especially since Sarah is about as easy going as they come when travel is involved. So, I told her that I would just call Christy (who I’d been hoping to see anyway) and see if she would be a total lifesaver and let us crash at her place…oh, and pick us up at the airport. (Quick disclaimer, I would never ask such a thing if I didn’t know that I would do this very thing for someone in a similar situation.) I was laughing about the whole thing even while I left a message on Christy’s voicemail.

Thankfully, it is working out beautifully. Christy is going to pick us up and let us crash at her place. We are saving money on one less night in a hotel. I get to see Christy who I adore. All is well in the end.

The moral of the story (besides just being funny) is that, at least in my opinion, things really do always work out, especially if you believe that they always work out. Once again I will thank my mother for teaching me this lesson over and over and over again so that my instant reaction in these situations is to laugh rather than freak out. And really, how much better is this vacation story already? Can’t wait to see what the rest of it holds!

running fail (or "my need for high achievement is ruining my life")

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On Thursday I was lucky enough to get an hour with the head of HR at my company. This is kind of a big deal and one of the reasons I chose to come work for this company. He is just a really great man and even with all he has going on he’s willing to make time for me. Anyway, not the point. The point is that during this conversation, he told me about an article one of his friends is writing for HBR about people who have a high need for achievement. We discussed this at length as it relates to work and life, etc. We talked about the need to achieve vs. actual ambition. Two very different concepts, and not the point of this post, but I will say that I am motivated by my need to achieve and not actual ambition (i.e. if there was no one to tell about my running, I probably wouldn’t do it). And “motivated” is probably too positive a word to describe what is actually going on. I’d almost call it a disease…like my other diseases this one is in my head and all about behavior.

So, what does this have to do with running? I will tell you.

I decided, since I had run 12 miles the Saturday before and now mentally know I can finish a half marathon this coming Saturday, that I would only run six miles on Saturday, but that I would actually push myself to run those six miles like it was a race. My mentoring schedule got switched, so I got to sleep in, and didn’t end up heading out the door until about 1:00 pm.

When I left my apartment, something felt off on my hands. I checked to see if I had rings on (I wear rings every day, but not when I run…I’m kind particular about such things). No. No rings on my fingers. I figured maybe it was that. When I got to the park (remember how “the park” is “Central Park”? I wonder if that will ever stop being special for me…) I realized what I had forgotten. My watch. I debated for a couple of minutes whether to walk back home and get it. I decided it wasn’t worth it. While the park is only a couple of blocks from me, those are Avenue blocks, not Street blocks (ie about 1/2 a mile in total) and I had a feeling if I went home, I wouldn’t leave again.

I told myself this would be good. I could run without the pressure of a watch. I could just run to run. And that lie worked for about 2.5 miles. And then sheer willpower kept me running for the next 1/2 mile. And then…I just gave up. I stopped caring if I was running or walking. If I wasn’t going to be able to say how fast (or slow) I’d done it, what was the point? And that’s when I realized that I have a serious achievement issue. I knew this when it came to jobs. It’s not likely I will ever be an entrepreneur because it’s the competition factor that makes me work as hard as I do. I like being compared to people…when I know I will win.

You might be asking yourself how that works with running if I’m so slow. It’s a good question. The way it works with running is this. I know I can’t beat anyone else, so I just run against myself. And if you’ve ever been running with me, you’ll know that unless we pace similarly, I will just quit and let you go ahead. I can’t stand to be the one holding someone back…and knowing that I’m holding someone back…and knowing that I’m not as “good” as someone else. This is a serious flaw. And it’s not news to me, but it was seriously so hilarious (read: sickening) to see it play out like this so soon after my conversation with the big boss.

Needless to say, my watch is at the top of my packing list for my trip tomorrow. And here’s hoping that my total lack of running on Saturday (I get that three miles is still something, but when you compare it to 13.1, it’s kind of small beans) will not kill me in Moab. And with that, I must go pack. I have to be at work early tomorrow and I head to the airport straight from the office. Wish me luck!!!

12 miles in central park

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I knew all week that I needed to run 12 miles on Saturday. I was planning for it. I scheduled my Friday evening so I could get plenty of sleep. And that would have worked if not for a phone call from my dear sister. Sometimes family really must come first. So, I didn’t get home or in bed as early as I had hoped. Such is life.

I set my alarm as if I was going to get up early enough to run the 12 miles before I had to go to mentoring. But then, when my alarm (or maybe alarms) went off, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I kept watching the time tick on…not sleeping, but not waking, just thinking about how I should be getting up.

But I didn’t get up until I had to for mentoring. I laid in bed until almost 11 am. I never do that, but I just couldn’t get up. I was so tired. It had been a long week. And yet, I knew I was going to have to go running. So, I mentally prepared for it.

On my way to mentoring, I grabbed a banana and a bagel so I would have plenty of time to digest it before running. I knew I’d have to get out the door almost as soon as I got home, so I had to eat.

And now, a digression: it’s an interesting thing to eat when you view food as fuel rather than something to be enjoyed. Not that I didn’t enjoy the banana and bagel. I did. But I also knew that I had to eat these two things; the potassium in the banana and the carbs in the bagel would be exactly what my body needed to make it the 12 miles I was going to push it. Eating felt good. Not like something I shouldn’t be doing. Which is how I often feel when I’m eating. Even if I’m making good choices. But eating to feed my body so it can do the things I want it to do changes how I feel about food. I wish I could always eat that way. But such is not the way my body (or my emotions) work…

Back to the running. I left mentoring about 15 minutes early because I knew I wanted to run my 12 miles in Central Park and I did not want to be running after dark. There was a very small window of opportunity to make that happen.

It was a lovely day and I actually wore shorts and a short sleeve shirt. It was a little cold to start, but I warmed right up. Given my knee and how it’s been feeling, I made sure to actually stretch once I warmed up. And then I was off.

For the entire first loop (six miles) I was having debates in my head about whether I really needed to run all 12 miles. Wouldn’t nine be enough? But as I approached the end of the first loop, I knew the answer. No. Nine would not be enough. Running is 90% mental. In order to finish the 13.1 miles I will be running in two weeks, I knew I needed to know I could do 12. And so, I turned around and reversed the loop. (I couldn’t stand the thought of repeat exactly what I had just done.) The first half I pushed myself. The second half, my only goal was to keep going. And yet, somehow, I managed to do the two loops in almost the exact same amount of time.

The bad news is that my time was a bit slower than I was hoping. The good news is that the race course I will be running in two weeks is much less hilly. In fact, most of it is downhill. So, I’m thinking in the next week or so, I will put in a good push with some serious training runs, focusing on speed work, and then I will enjoy a relaxing couple of days in Vegas pre-race, and if all goes well, I should be able to cut 10 minutes off my time from last year. Here’s hoping.

my dad is old (and other random thoughts)

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I got to go to Utah this weekend to spend it with my entire family for my dad’s 70th birthday. I am number four of five siblings and my dad was not super young (at least not by the standards of the time) when he married my mom. It makes sense. But it’s weird to think he’s five years older than my grandpa was when he died. Life and death. Such interesting things to think about.

Anyway, it has been four years since my entire family had been together. Coordinating such a gathering for 17 people is kind of crazy. That’s right. There are seventeen of us now. In my effort to not overly orchestrate the entire thing (I tend to be the planner of these things), I made no real plans other than we would be going to dinner on my dad’s actual birthday. It was great. And low stress. We played in the snow. We played at this indoor gym. We played at my brother’s house. And we ate. And ate. And ate. And ate. (Pictures of the gathering and playing to come…I did not take any eating pictures.)

Oh, and I ran with my younger brother and sister-in-law. And by with, I mean we followed the same route. They are both quite a bit faster than I am to begin with and then you add in the altitude that I’m not used to, and well, I ran 9 miles for their 10.

So, a couple of thoughts from the weekend:

  1. I love my family. I mean, we have issues, but I really do love them. Especially my nieces and nephews. 
  2. I have the cutest nieces and nephews in the world. (I’m not biased at all…). Seriously, from the 16 year old to the 2 year old, they are just so adorable. It is so fun to see them develop and grow and become their own little people (or big people…my nephew has got to be at least 6′ now). I also decided I cannot have children because the odds of cuteness just aren’t in my favor. I mean, after seven absolutely darling cherubs (it’s a term my grandma loves), I can’t imagine I would get so lucky. And they LOVE me. There’s nothing that makes me smile more than my nieces or nephews say, “Hi Auntie Chlo-Chlo” or “Cwo-Cwo” as is the case with two of the littles.
  3. Running at altitude is not easy when you’re not used to it. And running down the canyon that has no been plowed and has four inches of fresh snow…is cold and wet. Really wet. More to come on this. It deserves it’s own post.
  4. My family is a bunch of enablers when it comes to eating. Doesn’t matter how hard you try, somehow my sister and her “I need a treat” just sucks you in. And of course, she’s the skinniest of us. (Okay, I’m really just putting the blame on her…we all did it.)
  5. I love that I have somehow managed to get my brother and sister-in-law on this road race bandwagon. While I don’t love that I’m the slowpoke, I do love that they will be running the half marathon with me a few weeks from now.
  6. I am too old to be flying the redeye and thinking I will somehow be functional. At least I was smart enough to plan to work from home today, so I got to take a little nap. But seriously, not my favorite thing. And this time around, I had a kid who decided he needed to lay on my shoulder while he slept. I was annoyed. 
  7. I love New York, but someday it’s nice to take a break every once in a while!
  8. And this has nothing to do with the post, but everything to do with my week as I’ve been listening to this album non-stop (when I haven’t been hanging with my fam) since I downloaded it last Tuesday. Adele is just amazing!

And one more.