I’m on vacation in Vegas right now with Sarah and Kelly. It’s currently 5:55 AM local time and I’m on a conference call. So as not to completely piss off my lovely friends, I came downstairs and am sitting in the cafe adjacent to the casino. The call started at 5 am, meaning I got out of bed at 4:55 AM – no reason to get ready at all when I’m going right back to bed when this is over. At least that’s what I thought…
I’ve been reading Patti Stanger’s book, Become Your Own Matchmaker. One of the things she talks about, in terms of getting guys to ask you out, is going places alone so that you are approachable. And so that you aren’t competing with your prettiest friend. The “prettiest friend” piece totally makes sense. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think I’m ugly. But I do think I have a lot of girlfriends who are prettier/thinner/sexier (do people use that word?) than I am. And this is obvious when we are all out together. Certain friends always get the attention. Not a big deal since we are not generally out “cruising for guys”. I appreciate that I have such attractive friends. That doesn’t change the fact that it’s true.
Moving on…I also get the whole “go places alone” idea. It makes sense. One woman…much easier to approach than 3 or 4 or 5. That said, almost never do this. Not because I have issues going places alone (I will go to movies, lunch, dinner, concerts, etc, alone), but in both my personal life and my work life, there are just a lot of people I want to see on a regular basis and so when I go out, it’s usually to see them. I also just struggle with the idea of getting all ready to go out by myself. Not to mention, I have zero interest in meeting someone in a bar, which then begs the question, “Now that I’m all dressed up and ready to go, where do I go?”
Well, shame on me for not making an effort to figure out the answer to that question and make it happen. As I have been sitting here in this little cafe, this guy sat down not too far from me and keeps looking over. Of course, my instant thought is that he must be staring at my oh-so-cute pajamas that I am wearing–with a hoodie. And not in a good way. Not to mention the half-wet bun in my hair as a result of my shower just before bed. I feel super attractive. Oh, and lest I forget to mention, he’s the type of guy I would actually want to check me out (i.e. age appropriate, good looking, has game, etc).
So, I’m sitting here, semi-mortified and trying to focus on my computer and my conference call and in walk his four friends. They obviously have yet to go to bed after last night’s adventures. They are now all glancing over at me, trying to be sly about it. And now, one of them has actually decided to talk to me. He apologizes for how loud they are being. They are having a good time and laughing lots–however, it’s not like the cafe is quiet otherwise. Side note: I’m enjoying the Wynn, but the elevator-ish music they play everywhere at high volumes is kind of obnoxious…I am not yet their target market (thankfully).
After sitting at my table, attempting to look very focused on what I’m doing and for them to not know that I’ve seen them see me, I now have an opportunity to acknowledge them. I smile broadly and tell them “No big deal.” I have the line muted and am just listening, so it really isn’t a big deal. I notice, when I smile, that they are all looking at me and smiling. This is a moment when I am oh-so-grateful that I have become aware that one of my best features is my smile (Patti would be proud). So, despite the fact that I am in my St. Patrick’s Day PJs and a red hoodie with no makeup on (let’s just say I’ve looked better), I know that now that I’m smiling, that is all they’re seeing.
I’m still on my conference call and have to turn my focus back on my computer. I continue to notice them without looking at them and am attempting to look as attractive as possible–in other words, not making my “I’m so focused” face, which creates a big crease in my forehead. But every so often, I look their way and smile, making eye contact with whomever happens to be looking. And it’s flattering to realize that there is always someone looking…who readily smiles back.
They are all getting up to leave now. (In an ideal world, I wouldn’t still be on this call. I also wouldn’t be in my PJs so that I wouldn’t be embarrassed to stand up.) The original guy hangs out a little longer than the rest, making himself busy clearing their table. Now, all but one of his friends has left, but he is lingering by the door just waiting. Original guy comes over to the trash can by me (less convenient than the one closer to his table and on the way out the door), dumps his tray and starts talking to me. Of course, this is right when I have to be paying attention to my conference call because my initiatives are being discussed, so I am doing my best to engage, smile, and also speed things along.
We chatted for a minute and now he is on his way. Not ideal. Also not the point.
The point? Patti is totally right. (Not that I ever questioned her, but it’s always great to have confirmation from personal experience.) Sitting alone means you’re not being compared to your friends and you are totally approachable. The other lesson…NEVER, ever go into a public space in your PJs, no matter how cute they are or how little you think you care because you never know when you might meet someone.
And now, the conference call is ending and I will head back to my room (avoiding a glance in any of the hundreds of mirrors in this hotel/casino, so that I won’t know just how rough I look) and go back to bed for a couple of hours. Working on vacation turned out to be not such a bad thing.
***Please don’t judge my inconsistent use of tenses. I didn’t get very much sleep and typed this as it was all happening, which means I was focused on three different things at once. Never the best combination.
This incredible post has made me want to dash out and buy Patti's book. I was already considering it, but this put me over the edge.
Great advice and insight! Loved that it worked when you weren't trying to make it work too!
Patti is so wise.
love this story!
This is my favorite entry ever. We should go to places alone. And by that I mean you sit on one side of a building and I sit on the other so we can text eachother updates if need be. Haha.