Category Archives: life in nyc

rhode island

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I have fallen in love…with Rhode Island. For so many reasons, not the least of which was this lovely view from the deck of the cottage in which I was staying with my lovely friends.


I know I’m a little behind in blogging about it (I got back Sunday night), but life has been busy since. Seriously, though, the weekend away was just what I needed for so many reasons. I love New England! I’ll blog more about my personal epiphanies and emotional progression later (it was a packed weekend), but for now, here are a few more pictures.

Amazing wild flowers…Rhode Island is just beautiful this time of year.
The beach was so fun…and I’m tan enough that I didn’t even have to wear sunblock. A first in about…8 years.
Apple picking…that’s an apple I’m eating. Loved it!
The little house in front of the apple orchard. Disregard the fact that the picture is crooked (no time for edits)…isn’t that such an idyllic little scene?
Mystic Pizza in Mystic, CT…if you haven’t seen the movie, you should. It’s called Mystic Pizza. Julia Roberts. Fantastic

a little late to the party

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So, I think I might have mentioned that I’ve been doing a little dating of the on-line variety. Anyway, one of these boys, “the PhD” as he will be know on the blog, is turning out to be lots of fun. And for once in my life, I’m not worried about where it’s going or even if it’s going. I’m just dating.

I know I mentioned that I was going to be making a shift back to trying to date Mormons*, but the PhD is not Mormon and I’m just fine with that because he is okay with the fact that I am. Sure, it’s led to a few very interesting and semi-awkward conversations that I won’t be sharing in any detail here. But even those conversations have been enjoyable because I’m not stressed out about whether something is going to be a deal-breaker or whatever.

Tonight he asked me why, if I am looking to get married as the end result of dating, I’m not being more selective in who I date. (He knows I’ve been dating a lot…we have oddly honest conversations about all kinds of things people don’t normally openly discuss because when you have to have those semi-awkward conversations, everything else seems kind of normal.) It’s a good question. And the best answer I’ve come up with is that I’m still trying to figure out what I want and how to be myself in the process of looking for/finding what I want, and dating–without worrying so much about the marriage factor–is helping.

So, this may be a little late in coming–like 12 years late–but I’ve decided to act like I’m 20 and just see how it goes. For right now, I’m enjoying myself. A lot.

*I was going to say “back to dating Mormons”, but let’s be honest here, it’s always just been an effort, not a reality. Something about me and Mormon boys doesn’t mix…and I’m starting to realize that I might be a big part of the problem in that combination. 

kisses

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If I were to dream up a perfect first kiss in New York City, there are two scenarios that come to mind. One, of course, would be in Central Park, in the evening on some quiet side path out of the view of random passersby. The second would be along one of the rivers, sitting on one of the many benches or standing on one of the piers at night, with the lights from New Jersey (I’m thinking Hudson…I do live on the Upper West Side) on the other side.

That’s all.

Except that it’s possible that one of these two might have happened earlier this evening. Or not.

girls’ night out

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A couple of weeks ago, the women from my MBA program who are now in New York (students and spouses alike) got together for a little girl time. We met up at Serendipity3 (just fyi…there is no 1 or 2, just 3) for dinner and dessert. They are famous for their frozen hot chocolate which almost everyone ordered…except for me and AnnMarie, who gorged ourselves on a delicious sundae. 

This is what six women pigging out looks like. I’m not going to lie, I kind of love these pictures. 
“Oh, nothing. Just stuffing my face.”
Kind of love Anne’s peace sign

keeping busy

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So, before I moved to New York, I made the decision that I was going to date when I got here and that I would try going out with guys from all different backgrounds. I joined Match.com and started meeting guys. What has been different this time with the whole online dating (that I swore I would never do again) is that I go out with guys right away. There’s no emailing back and forth a ton or anything like that. If someone’s interested and I’m interested and they don’t appear to be creepy or lying, I will meet him for drinks. Translation: lots of dates.

And here are some things I’ve learned and some little tidbits from my experiences over the past four weeks:

  1. I now feel more grateful than ever that I don’t drink. Because I have never had “liquid courage” to help me lose my inhibitions, I am capable of being interesting and open without alcohol even on a first date. This is not true for lots of people.
  2. Not drinking means that every first date I’ve been on has involved a conversation about why I don’t drink. FYI for those of you who don’t drink and are asked this question…my favorite way of dealing with this question is asking people why they do drink. Very few people can actually articulate that.
  3. New York has so many amazing places to go and by going out with a number of different guys of different cultures, ethnicities, religious backgrounds, professions, etc, I have been able to see more of the city than I could have even imagined.
  4. As much as I wanted to believe that I could marry someone who doesn’t share my religious beliefs (mainly because the guys who do have rarely showed interest in me), after four weeks of more first dates than I can remember and plenty of seconds, I have finally come to the conclusion that that just simply isn’t true. It’s who I am and everything I want. Which means dating them is kind of pointless. Fun and interesting, but pointless. This is simultaneously depressing and liberating.
  5. Having never dated multiple people at the same time, I’ve never had to worry about how many guys I’m kissing at once (obviously not at the same time, but you know, if I’m kissing one should I really be kissing a different one the next day). This is new territory that I’m trying to avoid. I’m sure a lot of people think it’s not a big deal; after all, it’s just kissing. But to me, it is. Which means last night I learned how to turn my head gracefully. (At least I hope I did it gracefully.)
  6. While I always offer to pay my half of the date, I have really appreciated that no one has ever let me. 
  7. Compliments from guys rarely get old. 
  8. Confidence really is so attractive. Not cockiness, but confidence. 
  9. And the biggest take away from this whole thing. I learned that when I don’t care and have nothing invested and basically think it’s not going to go anywhere, I am my cute, darling self and boys like me and generally want to see me again. (For those of you who don’t know me very well and think that this sounds a little full of myself, what you should know is that this is a BIG deal for me to realize this. Like, HUGE. Just ask anyone who does know me.)
  10. And finally, if I ever have a friend who really can’t dance, but thinks he/she can, I will tell him/her and you should do the same. If someone had done that for my date last night, he would have been saved a lot of humiliation…although I’m pretty sure he still has no idea he can’t dance, so maybe it’s better that he’s ignorant of it. (Think the cowboy friend in Footloose…a song which incidentally played while we were dancing–a remix, of course, during an’80s set.)
Maybe it’s a little sad that it’s taken me this long to figure some of these things out…but better late than never, right?