keeping busy

So, before I moved to New York, I made the decision that I was going to date when I got here and that I would try going out with guys from all different backgrounds. I joined Match.com and started meeting guys. What has been different this time with the whole online dating (that I swore I would never do again) is that I go out with guys right away. There’s no emailing back and forth a ton or anything like that. If someone’s interested and I’m interested and they don’t appear to be creepy or lying, I will meet him for drinks. Translation: lots of dates.

And here are some things I’ve learned and some little tidbits from my experiences over the past four weeks:

  1. I now feel more grateful than ever that I don’t drink. Because I have never had “liquid courage” to help me lose my inhibitions, I am capable of being interesting and open without alcohol even on a first date. This is not true for lots of people.
  2. Not drinking means that every first date I’ve been on has involved a conversation about why I don’t drink. FYI for those of you who don’t drink and are asked this question…my favorite way of dealing with this question is asking people why they do drink. Very few people can actually articulate that.
  3. New York has so many amazing places to go and by going out with a number of different guys of different cultures, ethnicities, religious backgrounds, professions, etc, I have been able to see more of the city than I could have even imagined.
  4. As much as I wanted to believe that I could marry someone who doesn’t share my religious beliefs (mainly because the guys who do have rarely showed interest in me), after four weeks of more first dates than I can remember and plenty of seconds, I have finally come to the conclusion that that just simply isn’t true. It’s who I am and everything I want. Which means dating them is kind of pointless. Fun and interesting, but pointless. This is simultaneously depressing and liberating.
  5. Having never dated multiple people at the same time, I’ve never had to worry about how many guys I’m kissing at once (obviously not at the same time, but you know, if I’m kissing one should I really be kissing a different one the next day). This is new territory that I’m trying to avoid. I’m sure a lot of people think it’s not a big deal; after all, it’s just kissing. But to me, it is. Which means last night I learned how to turn my head gracefully. (At least I hope I did it gracefully.)
  6. While I always offer to pay my half of the date, I have really appreciated that no one has ever let me. 
  7. Compliments from guys rarely get old. 
  8. Confidence really is so attractive. Not cockiness, but confidence. 
  9. And the biggest take away from this whole thing. I learned that when I don’t care and have nothing invested and basically think it’s not going to go anywhere, I am my cute, darling self and boys like me and generally want to see me again. (For those of you who don’t know me very well and think that this sounds a little full of myself, what you should know is that this is a BIG deal for me to realize this. Like, HUGE. Just ask anyone who does know me.)
  10. And finally, if I ever have a friend who really can’t dance, but thinks he/she can, I will tell him/her and you should do the same. If someone had done that for my date last night, he would have been saved a lot of humiliation…although I’m pretty sure he still has no idea he can’t dance, so maybe it’s better that he’s ignorant of it. (Think the cowboy friend in Footloose…a song which incidentally played while we were dancing–a remix, of course, during an’80s set.)
Maybe it’s a little sad that it’s taken me this long to figure some of these things out…but better late than never, right? 

2 thoughts on “keeping busy

  1. For sure!! His interview is Sunday afternoon. I'm guessing there will be a lot going on that weekend due to 9/11 being on Saturday. Do you still have your ut #?

  2. The year I got married was the year I decided to say yes to every date I was asked on. I had never dated that much in my entire life. It was one of the best choices I ever made because it made me realize a lot about what I really wanted, etc. It sounds like you are coming to the same conclusions. Good luck!

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