Category Archives: commentary

missing part of me…

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So, I went back to work today. Not that I was very useful. I have no voice (well, I can get some sounds out if I use all the energy I have…at the end of one sentence, I get lightheaded). And of course, the head receptionist was sick today, too (morning sickness…just one more reason to be okay being single). One of the counselors, Dawn, helped me out and answered phones. I wouldn’t have made it through the day without her.

It’s weird to have no voice, especially for someone as chatty as I am. Today was so hard. I wanted to talk. I wanted to help people. I just couldn’t. And getting lightheaded with every sentence…that’s no fun at all. Not that I have ever had the inclination to smoke, but today I really thought about how miserable it would be to not be able to talk, not be able to express myself verbally. I mean, I would still be able to write, but I love my voice. It’s only been four or five days, but I miss talking on the phone. I miss singing. I miss laughing. I miss my voice. I love my voice. That along with my eyes and my legs; my three favorite things about myself. (Okay, I like my smile, too.)

I know this is just temporary, but have you ever thought about what your life would be like if you could talk? Would you start to forget the sound of your voice? When I think something to myself, it’s always in my voice, but would my “inner voice” start to change? A person‘s voice is so much a part of who they are.

This guy, who shall remain nameless, once told me that I had a skinny voice…which led to a conversation that I don’t feel the need to repeat. What does that mean? A skinny voice? Is there such a thing as a fat voice? Anyway, my point, I would miss my voice.

So, for me, take the opportunity today (or tomorrow) and sing out loud, call someone and tell them you love them and just listen to your words, hear how they sound. Enjoy the sound of your own laughter. And if you are reading this, and you can’t, I’m sorry, but I bet you have some pretty amazing facial expressions.

the illusion of illness

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I wish I could say it was only an illusion, that I’m a hypochondriac who always thinks she’s sick…but something about the hacking cough, running nose, sore throat and lack of voice make me thing that this isn’t just in my head. I could be wrong, though.

I had great plans for New Year’s Eve–friends, fondue and fun–and now my dreams are ruined because I have the worst cold I have had in years. It’s probably the flu, but I’m not ready to admit that just yet. My nose is stuffed and running at the same time (the joys of two nostrils), my throat is killing, my ears are ringing, I am hot, then cold, then hot again. I cough constantly. My chest hurts and I have no voice. I hate being sick. Thankfully, it doesn’t happen very often and it makes me appreciate how healthy I am normally, but why, oh why, did I have to wake up sick at the beginning of a three-day-weekend?

Truthfully, I wasn’t feeling good yesterday, but I don’t believe in being sick, so I went to work anyway. Silly me. And if this were during the week, I would consider going to work, except that at this job people actually want you to take sick time when you’re sick. Apparently, they don’t think it’s fun to contract whatever illness you have because you’re a workaholic. Weird! Maybe if I’d stayed home yesterday, I wouldn’t be so sick today. Maybe I’ll believe that I get sick one of these days.

The good news is that I got “The Devil Wears Prada” for Christmas, and even though I watched it last night, I don’t think I could ever get sick of watching those clothes. They are fabulous. The closest I come is my cute Gucci sunglasses (there’s a picture on here somewhere). But I can dream, right?

Well, I think I’ll lay down now, as my head is starting to feel a little light. I hope you all have a fantastic New Year’s Eve and you think of me, hacking my lungs up, blowing my nose, wishing I could play with you. (For not believing I get sick, I do an excellent job of milking the situation, n’est–ce pas?)

the world of the written word

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One of the most valuable possessions I’ve acquired over the years is a love of reading. I didn’t always love it, nor was I a very fast reader…then something happened. My sixth-grade “core” teacher informed us that we would have to read something like 1,000 pages a quarter. (I’m sure it wasn’t that much, but it might as well have been for how slowly I read). And then she proceeded to tell us that we could not read more than one book in a series. How could that be? The only books I could even tolerate were those of “The Baby-sitters Club” series, but she was trying to tell me that I could only read one of those. I thought I would die. I couldn’t do it. There was no way. But what were my options?

Even at that young age (and I was a young sixth-grader–only 10), I knew the power of communication. It’s fascinating to remember back to this conversation and how old I felt. I didn’t feel like what I see now as a 10-year-old. I was a negotiator and it was time to negotiate. I went up to my teacher, Mrs. Hoffaker, and explained to her my situation. I was a slow reader and the only way I could ever manage the reading, which I really wanted to do (kudos to myself for appropriately brown-nosing even at that young age), was to read more than one book from the series. Don’t ask me why I didn’t have my mom talk to my teacher. Probably because she would’ve told me to do it myself (another story for another time–one that has equally affected my life in positive ways). In any case, I didn’t and so I found myself having this discussion with my teacher.

I don’t know why my life has worked this way, but I’m certainly grateful that it has. I got what I wanted. Perhaps it was the big crocodile tears streaming down my face as I negotiated (the key to a good negotiation when you are 10, or 25, if you are negotiating with my dad–which is convenient since I rarely have control of whether or not I cry), or maybe it was just the wisdom of a sixth-grade teacher who knew that this moment would make or break my love of reading, but either way, the decision she made proved to be a pivotal moment in my life. I was determined, being that she had made an exception for me, to do all of my reading, and I did.

What I discovered during the process is that I love the world of words. I love being able to create the scenery and characters in my mind. The stories come to life. I love how much more knowledgeable I can become by reading a book. I love ideas. I love words. I love my ever-broadening vocabulary. I love being informed. There is nothing about reading I don’t like. Sometimes the stories are a little slow, or the writing is not my style, but even then, I still enjoy reading because you can always learn something.

While moving has become increasingly difficult with the boxes of books I now possess, I can’t bear to part with them. Each one has been an experience. Just looking at my books makes me happy. I know people like libraries and how nice it is to not have to buy a book, and the truth is that there are only a handful of books that I reread, but I like knowing the option is there. And I like being able to underline passages that move me. Not only do I want to own my books, I like them to be hard-cover. It’s true. I’m kind of a book snob. Oh well, there are worse things I could be.

And one of the best things about a love of reading is that you are never bored or lonely. I know that may sound like what some lonely, old, spinster, cat lady might say, but it’s true, nevertheless. And thank goodness, since my dad’s wife’s daughter (I refuse to refer to her as my “step-sister”) is in town which means that I am stuck in my little apartment over the garage this weekend (not that I can’t go into the house, but the one drawback of having an extensive vocabulary is that you often want to use it, especially when provoked, and that would not be a good idea considering that I am living in my dad’s house for next-to-nothing rent).

A few little thoughts…

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1. I love sushi. I went last night with my dad and sister. I’m quite impressed with how good it was considering I am in a landlocked state. My love of sushi began in Utah when my friend, Katrina (aka Niki) introduced me to it after my mission, but I guess I thought that, now that I’ve had some seriously amazing sushi, it wouldn’t be as good…but it is, if you go to the right place. I recommend The Happy Sumo. It’s a little pricey, but delicious.

2. After sushi we went to see “The Pursuit of Happyness”. I really liked it. I know people have written bad reviews about it and I’m not saying that you should go see it. In fact, I rarely recommend movies to anyone. I have such random taste. Moving on…The movie really drove home two points to me (I believe that a movie can be quite a personal experience)…First, I am so blessed. I have never had to go through anything close to what Chris Gardner experienced (assuming those parts were true). Second, as I’m getting ready to apply to grad school and I look at my undergrad GPA, it gives me more hope. I have felt hopeful, but to watch a guy with nothing but a high school education make it with Dean Witter is inspirational. What I like is that he didn’t just strike it rich by winning the lottery, he worked hard and used his talents.

3. I’m really glad to be at a point in my life where I don’t feel the need to cater to everyone around me. Not that I want to be rude. I don’t and I like to be liked. I just don’t feel that it’s necessary to bend over backward to keep the peace anymore. If there’s tension because someone is creating it and I have no control over that person…well, let there be tension. I can always walk away.

4. I’m reading Stephen R. Covey’s, “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” and it is quite good. I’m learning quite a bit. I really like how he doesn’t set anything up as a quick fix. To be successful (and I mean deep, personal success) you have to get your priorities in line and you have to be willing to work hard.

5. If you haven’t read “Freakonomics”, you should. It is so interesting. I just started and I already have it listed as a favorite. Connecting crime rates with the legalization of abortion…if that doesn’t intrigue you, I don’t know what will. Or maybe you just don’t find those things interesting.

6. I’m so happy to NOT be listening to Christmas music. KOZY 100 (or whatever the name of the station is) needs someone to give them some new Christmas music. The stuff they play is horrendous. How many times can one really be expected to listen to Kenny Rogers belting out “Mary Did You Know?”? Seriously! And we don’t have any other option here at the BYU, so it’s that or nothing…and I’m all for nothing.

7. I love iTunes and days when it is so quiet at work that my little speakers are actually loud enough to here my music. Happy, happy day!

8. Technology amazes me everyday. Our dependence on it is a little frightening, though. The network was down this morning at work and I seriously didn’t know what to do with myself. Which made me think about the other day, when I was at some store purchasing something and the total was something like $16.78 and I gave the girl $22.00 and she looked at me kind of funny and then I realized I had three cents in my wallet and told her to hold on, that I had three cents. The blank stare that appeared in front of me was amazing. She didn’t know what to do. At this point, she had already entered the $22.00 into the system and it was too late to change it. It made me sad. Kids don’t know how to do basic math anymore. That’s just basic subtraction. I took my three pennies and put them back in my wallet and she handed me the $5.22 and that was that.

9. I love my new laptop. That’s what I got for Christmas. It is so handy. I love not having to go into the house to use the internet. Speaking of technology…one computer with the internet in a house with more than one person just doesn’t seem to be enough. How sad is that??? I remember when we didn’t have the internet (aren’t we all so glad that Al Gore invented it). I remember going into one of the computer labs on campus as a freshman and watching someone “chat” on a black screen with a green font and thinking it was amazing (it was 1995), and now my nephew niece who’s eight knows how to get online and chat.

10. I love my new sunglasses. They were a gift to myself. Aren’t they fabulous? A little trendy, I’ll admit, but they make me happy. Yes, I have a problem and recognizing that is the first step to recovery.

S.A.E.H.

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My older brother and I were talking about this problem client that he had and overreacting and how sometimes people skip the normal steps of upsettedness (yes, I realize that is not a word, which is why the acronym was born) . As worded by Brad, “There is a Socially Acceptable Escalation of Hostilities, and this woman skipped them.

An example…someone cuts you off while you are driving. This manoeuvre doesn’t cause an accident or even an adrenaline surge, it just makes you angry. Well, the appropriate reaction (if you are normal and don’t possess the ability to just smile and nod) would be to honk and give a dirty look. It would not be to pull out your Glock and shoot a tire, or worse.

Obviously, not everyone has an understanding of S.A.E.H. Or they do, but only when they apply it to others. And those are the people I just want to shoot. Of course, if I were to do that, I would be breaking my own code, so I don’t. I just think mean thoughts about them and wonder why they can’t control their anger. Not that I’m cruel or heartless or don’t care about upsetting someone, but when one skips multiple rungs on the ladder of S.A.E.H., I just realize that they aren’t capable of functioning at a normal capacity and that I can’t let there hostility get to me.

Understanding of this ladder is extremely helpful when dealing with repeat rung-jumpers. As you breathe out S.A.E.H. in your mind (pronounce ‘say’ with a little extra ‘h’, unless someone offers something better) you will realize that the person you are dealing with doesn’t have an understanding of these principles and that knowledge can almost instantly diffuse a potential “situation” if you allow it to. I had the opportunity to practice this over my short Christmas break. A comment became a situation when the person to whom the comment was made decided to skip about four rungs of the ladder. Well, once upon a time, I might have jumped up there with her, but instead, I just walked away and calmed down.

Was I a little bugged that I couldn’t say everything I was thinking? Of course. But the problem with rung-jumpers is that they feel the need to always be above you. No matter how high you jump, the rung-jumper will always jump above you.

So, the next time you are upset about something ask yourself two questions: 1. Does my level of anger seem appropriate to the situation? 2. Does the person I’m dealing with have the same understanding I do of S.A.E.H?

And then move on.