Dear tourists, visitors, and otherwise ignorant temporary residents of NYC,
It’s pretty basic. In fact, even in London, where they drive on the left it’s the same. When you are on an escalator, if you’re not walking, you should be on the right. I don’t care if you do have luggage. Put it in front of you. Put it behind you. I don’t really care, so long as you aren’t blocking the left side of the escalator where the rest of us are attempting to walk.
A girl who really and truly wants to understand how you don’t know that
Dear NY Cab Drivers,
You suck. I cannot believe that you are actually licensed to operate vehicles!
With much fear and trepidation for the ride I have to take to JFK tomorrow,
Dear non iPhone users,
If you’re not going to buy an iPhone or some other such phone that allows you to figure out where the crap you are on a map, you better just figure out how to read a regular map and use it. It’s annoying.
A girl who is never lost in New York
Dear Crazy Neighbor,
Stop smoking pot. Stop drinking. Stop sleeping around. Seriously. I can hear how miserable you are on a daily basis. All you do is fight with the flavor of the week. I don’t really care. My fan blocks out the noise. But really, how are you this stupid? I just don’t get it.
Oh, and can you get all your friggin’ bottles off the landing. It looks so trashy!
Best of luck…crazy chick,
Dear Restaurant Week,
I want to thank you for introducing me to so many great places…however, my arse isn’t exactly the uber fan that I am. In fact, you may want to go away for a little while. Just a thought. Can’t wait to see you next summer!
A girl who has finally just accepted that she will never be skinny because she likes food way too much (although she’s still hoping to lose some serious weight…because she does want to be healthy)
Dear 18-200 mm Nikkor Lens,
I love you!
I love my hair. I may not be able to afford to eat this week, but I’m thinking it was worth it. I also loved just how New York you are…I know some people might take offense to you telling them that the color and cut of their hair isn’t working, but I loved it – although I suppose the fact that you prefaced it by telling me what great hair I have naturally probably didn’t hurt. I also really appreciated the fact that your preference is to get my hair to a color that only requires twice-a-year maintenance. It made the cost a little more bearable.
My hair thanks you and I thank you.
I know that I don’t let you sleep enough. I know that I push you and push you and push you. But really, this whole flu/cold thing you are trying to make happen…could you just let it go already? I only have three more weeks in New York and it is really cramping my style.
The girl who has been with you for 31 years and thinks you really ought to no better