Dear Francis Scott Key,

Thank you for writing the words that would eventually become our national anthem. As I’ve heard the music over and over during these Olympic games, I have realized just how much I love it. I don’t know many other countries’ national songs/anthems, but I don’t know that I would think any were nearly as inspirational or inspiring as ours. I am truly proud to be an American and feel blessed to live in a country with the heritage that ours has.

Sincerely,

Chloe

Dear Alain Bernard,

Don’t you know that trash talking before an event is the surest way to jinx it. I have to say that watching your French relay team lose was one of my favorite moments of the Olympic games thus far, second only to watching the American team win. I don’t feel bad for you at all. Maybe next time (should there be one) you’ll think before you make comments of the trash talk variety.

With much disappointment,

A girl who actually loves France and the French

Dear Bob Costas,

While I’m not a huge fan of Alain Bernard, I do believe that a commentator should at least attempt to pronounce the guy’s name correctly…especially when everyone around you is able to do it. It makes me insane. Seriously. They should fire you for that. It rhymes with “van” not “vain”. What the hell are they paying you for?

Sincerely,

A girl who wishes she could tell you to your face how annoying that is

Dear Michael Phelps,

You have been so fun to watch. Congratulations on all of your medals! You are seriously an inspiration.

Good luck in the rest of your races,

Chloe

Dear floor commentator for swimming,

I don’t even know your name, but you really bug me. I mean, the majority of commentators bug me (it’s the main reason I don’t like watching sports on TV…ever), but you have one the most annoying commentator award, hands down. You ask the dumbest questions. And then, when someone obviously doesn’t have anything to say on the topic, you just keeping drilling them with questions. A) This makes you look dumb. B) This is not political coverage, you aren’t trying to “get to the truth” or anything like that. This is sports. Get over yourself.

These poor swimmers generally are swimming in multiple events, the divers have to do multiple dives, and you just waste their time (and ours) by asking such lame questions. “So, what were you thinking about as you made that dive?” “I saw you doing that dive in warm ups. What do you think went wrong?” And the list goes on. I wish I could remember the exact exchange between you and Michael Phelps that bugged me so badly, but I can’t (I try an block annoying things out), but trust me, it was irritating.

Sincerely,

The girl who mutes the TV every time I see your face

Dear Dara Torres,

Wow! You are amazing. You are an inspiration to any woman who things that she is too old to live her dreams. So, most of us won’t be swimming in the Olympics as 41-year-old mothers, but if you can do that, I’m sure I can still be running marathons.

In complete awe,

Chloe

Dear Ryan Millar,

You and I went to the same church our freshman year of college. I’m sure you don’t remember me, but I remember going to volleyball games over in the Smith Field House and thinking I was “cool” because I “knew” you. Funny how I haven’t outgrown those dorky feelings. Good luck tonight again Bulgaria!

Sincerely,

A girl who feels like a dorky freshman all over again

Dear Chinese female gym coaches,

You’re not fooling anyone. That doesn’t change the fact that your girls are great gymnasts, but really, it’s too bad you can’t just play by the rules. And I know that Amanda Borden (who was very nice in person the one time I met her) said that people wouldn’t be focusing on this if our team had won the gold, but I don’t agree. No, our women didn’t deserve the gold with all of our errors, but that doesn’t change the fact that you are cheating and that you are teaching these young girls that lying and cheating is okay.

With sincere disappointment,

A girls that’s proud of our silver medal winning women

Dear Olympians,

You are amazing people. Yes, some of you may not have done your best in these Olympic games, but you made it. You are there living your dreams and inspiring others to live theirs. And really, watching you just makes me so grateful to have a body. It is amazing to watch what our bodies can do (maybe not mine, but someone’s). Thank you for being such great examples of dedication. It is seriously fabulous to watch.

Love,

Chloe

P.S. This does not apply to those of you who abuse your bodies with drugs or any other means. You guys make me kind of sick actually.