We’ve all been there. We meet a guy we are interested in (and yes, I’m limiting the “we” to women, because I will not pretend to understand the male mind in these matters–or any matters) and our world begins to revolve around him. He becomes the most important thing in our life. We make ourselves available for his phone calls, his emails, his games, his gigs, his parties, his friends…whatever it is, if “his” comes before it, we are there.
Why do we, self-confident, assertive women, do it? Well, I don’t think it’s a lack of self-confidence and I don’t think we suddenly become submissive doormats granting every wish a guy has. I think it’s because we just genuinely enjoy the person and the excitement of having a crush or the beginning of “something” and who doesn’t like a little attention?
As I continue, keep in mind that I said “we”. I have been there and done this. I have become interested in someone and he was interested in me and I just wanted to talk to him, see him, do things with him. Here’s the problem…we all have people in our lives who are important to us, who we love, who are there for us through the excitement, the heartaches, and who were there long before the prospective one. And at the beginning, we don’t know if he’s “the one” (which I don’t really believe in, but for our purposes, I will use that term here), but of course we hope that he’s “the one”, so we make sacrifices.
Here’s what I’m learning…eventually, someone will be “the one”, and so we would think that the sacrifices would be worth it. But the thing is, someone who we should want to be “the one” should understand that we had an entire life before he came into it and, more importantly we should remember that we had an entire life before he came into it. Now, those of you who know me are rolling your eyes. You know that I have learned this lesson through personal experience and error.
So, I am confessing and repenting. I can’t promise that I won’t do it again…that I won’t become intoxicated with the excitment of a new interest, or the prospect of “the one”, but I am going to try. The funny thing is that, usually, it’s not the guy doing it to us at all. They are perfectly content with a little chase…not only content, but they enjoy it a little. We are the ones who do it. And I don’t want to do it anymore. I don’t want to drop everything in my life for a guy, whether or not he is “the one”. Eventually, after the excitement and butterflies, real life settles back into place (no matter how things work out)…I don’t want to have to repair relationships or ask my friends to be my friends again, once I have time for them again. I’ve done that once and that was enough.
To those of you who I have “dropped” or hurt through neglect, and who have taken me back so graciously, or not, I am sorry. And to those of you who have done it to me, I understand. We have all been there. We all know how it feels to be the “lover” and the “left-behind”. That’s the beauty of friendship; there is a give and take…but I am going to try and be better. Of course, this is easily stated when I’m not really interested in anyone (at least not anyone that I am planning on pursuing), but I hope that, by writing this down and being conscious of it, I will do better next time.
And yes, there was an event that acted as the catalyst for this post…but, the good thing about reflecting is that you often realize…especially when you’re upset or hurt… that you’ve “been there and done that” and you can understand.