In case you were wondering why I haven’t been blogging, it’s because I’ve been out of town helping with this little guy.
How cute is he? And how happy am I that I managed to get this shot and that my sister-in-law has such good editing skills. We make a pretty good team.
And now I’m in AZ to help with my sister’s newest. Lots of babies around these parts. And lots of quality time being an aunt.
When I was in fifth grade, I took my first cake decorating class. My mom was quite the baker, so I had been decorating under her tutelage for a while, but fifth grade was my first formal class. Through the years, I would occasionally use my skills, but then while living in Utah before grad school, I decided to take another class. Since then, I’ve done very little decorating of cakes…that is until last weekend when I took on a serious challenge: a princess cake for my niece’s fourth birthday.
My sis-in-law asked me if I would do it a few weeks out and then sent me an instructional YouTube video (that my niece watched several times…her job was quality control and she was serious about it). I watched it once and then we just went for it. And here’s what the process looked like:
I feel pretty good about the whole thing. My favorite part, by far, was my niece repeating to me parts of the video verbatim because seriously, is there anything cuter than a new 4 year old saying things like, “put a nice dollop on the top and then you’ll want to take an offset spatula…” Adorable!
So, I decided this year was the year to send out a holiday card. I’ve been thinking about this for a couple of years now (inspired by my friend Anne who sent one a few years back), but just never got around to it. But this is the year that I am totally embracing my life as a fabulous singleton with an amazing life. Growing up in a culture that revolves around families (and rightly so, I think), I always hoped I’d be married with babies by this point in my life. That’s not to say that I thought I would be (I’m what I like to call a late bloomer). But hoped. Such is not the case (and thankfully so, given the person I was thinking of marrying at one point in time). That said, I am just tired of feeling like there are certain things I can’t do until I’m married. Not because anyone has said as much, just because I believed as much. But this is the year that all changes. And what better way to start it off than by sending my own holiday card with my own “year in review” update.
So, here’s the card (if you didn’t get one and you think you should have…I’m sorry, send me your address for next year) and a copy of my “year in review” letter. Exciting things are on the horizon for 2012 (so exciting that I’m kind of dying to see how it all turns out and to share bits and pieces as I can) and with any luck, next year’s letter will make all of you insanely jealous. Because that’s the point of these letters, right, to make you all wish you were me? Wait, it’s not? I’m so confused. In any case, enjoy!
The Letter:
This year has been full of blessings, trials, adventures, and lots of flying from one end of the country to the other. I have been loving my life in New York (where I’ve been working at [a big bank–trying to keep my work life and personal life separate here on the interwebs] since I finished my MBA in the spring of 2010) and this year it has definitely started to feel like home and I’ve really been enjoying all the city has to offer with the help of my wonderful NYC friends.
Some highlights from the year include having lots of visits from many of you (some of whom I hosted in my itty-bitty Upper West Side apartment), lots of travel to see family (specifically my seven—soon to be nine!—nieces and nephews) and friends, spending hours riding my bike along the Hudson and throughout Central Park, visiting museums, going to the theater, playing soccer, lots of time at the beach, eating out (there are so many great restaurants here!), dating adventures (even when the dates aren’t so great, they still make for fantastic stories), weekend trips to Rhode Island, Boston, and D.C., and teaching the 5-year-olds at church (this is a highlight now, but six months ago?…let’s just say we had a bit of a rough start).
While this year has definitely had its ups and downs (yes, there have been downs…but who writes about that stuff in a note like this?), I feel very blessed for my family and friends, my faith, my health, and a job I absolutely love. And I hope you can all say the same!
Wishing you all the best in 2012,
Chloe
So, I have issues. I mean, we all have issues. Some of you might have read that and thought, “I don’t have any issues.” Well, guess what, that’s your issue. Anyway, back to me.
I have issues. I have issues from parents who had an unhappy marriage. I have issues from losing my mom when I was 18. I have issues from struggling with my weight for as long as I can remember. I have issues from not dating very much when I was younger. I have issues from being engaged to someone who wasn’t very nice. I have issues from being a 30-something and single in a religion of marriages. I have issues from feeling like I live below my potential. And so on and so forth.
So, I started going to therapy back when I was in grad school. Maybe a little later in life than I should have, but you know, better late than never. But even then, I wasn’t really ready to deal with some of my issues. And so, recently, I decided to start again. In fact, I wanted to a while ago, but therapy in New York when not a student is not really in my budget. Enter Columbia Teacher’s College and a fantastic center where I can go to a grad student for an amount of money I can afford and, well, to therapy I went.
I started going about two months ago and, let me just tell you, I LOVE THERAPY. Seriously. And I love my therapist. I know this might sound ridiculous to some of you, but there is just something about having someone outside of your life to listen to your thoughts and push back when you’re thinking crazy s@$#. Or, as is often my case, being too hard on yourself. And there’s just something about knowing that I have issues and then dealing with them that makes me feel so very sane.
Anyway, I felt like I needed to share this on the blog because it just didn’t feel right not to. Now, how much more I will share about is still TBD because, well, I get pretty dang personal in therapy. (Yeah, I know, you’re shocked that there are things I don’t share on the blog.) For now, just know that I talk about all the crap I mentioned and then some. It’s a good time.
And just one more thing I want to say about this right now. I know that there are those of you reading this who are probably thinking, “Well, yeah, I have issues, but I don’t think I need to talk to a therapist.” And to you I would say you are absolutely right. You don’t need to. Especially if you feel like your life is where you want it to be (and I’m not saying that in a snarky way). This is not me trying to tell everyone that they should be in therapy. This is me saying that it helps me a lot.
I met the girls for dinner tonight all dolled up in my soccer uniform (I’m not going to lie…I look pretty hot). Rachel asked how my ankle was. Maria made a comment about my dedication after I commented that it still wasn’t 100%. And that was the end of the soccer discussion. I took off a little early so I could make it to my 10 pm semi-finals game and subsequently played the entire thing (we had no female subs) and we lost by 1 point (4-5) to the team that damaged my ankle five weeks ago (who beat us 7-0 that time). Probably not a bad thing considering there’s no way we would have all lasted for the finals which were to be played right after.
Moving on. As I was riding the subway home I was thinking about Maria’s comment. I am dedicated to soccer. But I’m also dedicated to just about everything I commit to. I have been that way from a very young age. Sure, sometimes I have to cancel plans, but if I’ve made a commitment to something (or more importantly someone) and I know that someone is counting on me, you better believe I’m going to follow through.
It’s funny that a comment about soccer is what made me think about this because, really, I think soccer is probably where this commitment started. I had a super mom who had us all in soccer and swimming from the time we could walk/swim (I think I started soccer at age 3 and swimming at 4). Every Saturday we went from game to game to game (she coached most of our teams at various points in time) or meet to meet to meet. All summer long we got up early for swim practice. All fall we spent at least one afternoon a week at soccer practice. For a kid, this was a big commitment.
There were times I really didn’t want to play. I was tired. I didn’t want to get up early. I just wanted to watch cartoons like other kids I knew. I didn’t want to be picked up early from sleepovers. I didn’t want to miss out on afternoon play dates. But my mom always reminded me that I had made a commitment to the team and that I needed to be there. And that has stuck with me.
Tonight, I really was not in the mood to play at all. I was exhausted having gotten very little sleep the past two nights…on the tails of a red eye and trying to get over a cold. I haven’t played (or exercised at all because of my lame ankle) in five weeks. I wanted to just hang out with my friends after dinner. But if I didn’t go to the game, we would have been a woman short and that would have severely handicapped my team. Sure, it’s just a recreational soccer league. There are no trophies or prizes at the end. No fans are counting on you to win. There are no endorsement deals waiting to be signed. It’s just a fun game. But I made a commitment to my team and I was not going to let them down.
I say all this not to toot my own horn, but to share with you (specifically you soccer moms and dads who spend so much time chauffeuring your kids to games and practices and stressing over how they play) that what you’re doing is so important. Your willingness to support your children in their commitments and help them see the value of keeping those commitments will make a big difference in their lives. At least it has in mine and I love that I have become someone people can count on. And that’s what you’re doing for your kids. Your not just helping them play soccer and have fun. You are helping them become reliable, committed adults. (Okay, maybe I’m overstating, but you know, I feel strongly about this). So, pat yourselves on the back and when you don’t want to get out of bed on Saturday mornings to get your kid to soccer, just remind yourself how much they are learning in the process.
Now if someone would just teach me how to make fewer commitments… 🙂
And now I must sleep so I can keep the rest of the commitments I’ve made this weekend.
existential dilemmas 