It’s that time again. Time for the weekly weigh-in.

To say I was not excited about this week’s moment of reckoning would be an understatement. The thing is, vacation is hard. But what is harder than any old vacation is being at your sister’s house, helping with a new baby, sitting in front of the t.v. half the day (speaking of which, I have discovered a myriad of t.v. shows I had no idea existed, but now feel I cannot live without) and lying by the pool the other half, with the occasional run thrown in, all the while having Baskin-Robbins’ World Class Chocolate ice-cream calling to me from the freezer like a forbidden lover throwing pebbles at my window, until I finally gave in. Did I mention that I am an emotional eater?

You laugh, but this is serious. I would wake up in the morning to hear the gentle whisperings of the ice-cream, “Chloe, you know you want me. Just one little bite won’t hurt. You can even write it down. Measure out a few ounces, weigh it on the scale and calculate the points. You don’t have to finish me off, but have a little. Just a taste. No one ever needs to know.” So, I would try and resist by going for a run, or heading out by the pool, but then the moment I set foot back into the house, the persuasive efforts of my long lost love would continue.

Just like the wanton “bad boy” that I know I shouldn’t be with, but often can’t resist, the temptation of such sweetness was more than I could take. I gave in. And it was delicious. The cool, creamy ribbons of white chocolate mouse and chocolate decadence were worth it…in the moment. But, as with the fiance that everyone told me I should shouldn’t marry, the truth eventually came out. And the truth was that most of what World Class told me was lies. Yes, I wanted him, but he manipulated me. He knows it’s never “just a bite”. He knows I’m weak when it comes to resisting his charms and he played me like a fiddle.

He also told me no one would know…but someone did know and that someone was Fanny, a.k.a. my arse. Fanny who loves all things chocolate, but especially when it’s in the form of ice cream. Fanny who, today, kept insisting that I could put off going to Weight Watchers until Saturday. I could not eat tomorrow and then run my nine miles on Saturday and it would be okay. I could just weigh in on Saturday, after running. No harm, no foul.

I patiently listen to Fanny and her rationalizations, and then politely, but firmly, shot down her attempts at dissuading me from my goal. The thing is, Fanny knew that if the numbers on that scale had not moved down, or worse yet, gone up, I would no longer be indulging my passion for ice-cream and she would start shrinking again.

After deciding I would go to my meeting, I weighed myself on my scale just to prepare myself for the shock. Although, considering I haven’t used my scale very much since beginning the program, so I’m not totally sure how mine and the one at WW compare, that didn’t really do anything to prepare me. It did, however, allow me to try on multiple outfits to ensure that I was wearing as little as possible in the weight sense…not the slut sense. In case you are wondering, matte jersey, while a nice summer fabric, happens to be very heavy. Is this cheating? Maybe a little, but the truth is, I couldn’t handle the truth if the truth happened to be that I had gained weight.

Now, before I reveal what happened next, let me also tell you that I didn’t completely fall off the wagon. With all of the running I did, and Karma’s bonus points for using all of my vacation time to be my sister’s nanny/chef/maid/housekeeper/personal shopper (yes, I believe that Karma will help me lose weight), I knew it couldn’t be that bad. Plus, there were only a couple of days when I went way over my points. While I was consuming a lot of ice-cream, I was not consuming a lot of other things. You know, the healthy things with which I should be nourishing my body. I went ahead and left those items right in the fridge, just like the nice nerd I know I should date, but never want to (okay, maybe not never, but not when there are other, more exciting options).

So, without further ado…drum roll please…I lost two pounds! That’s right. Apparently exercise, Karma and skimpy clothing combined forces to combat the adverse effects of indulging my sweet tooth for eight days. However, I know I cannot expect to be so lucky this week, so back on the wagon I go, now that I just killed off a salad from Cafe Rio and washed it down with cookies and milk. Hey, the week was already shot, why not finish it with a bang?…like one last kiss before saying goodbye. Wish me luck!

Even though I am on vacation, I still wanted to attend my weekly meeting (well, at least get weighed in). So, yesterday I headed to the Weight Watchers by my sister’s house, paid my weekly fee and stood on their scale. This was an incredibly validating experience. Not so much because I lost weight, but because the woman taking my money and weighing me was so impressed that I was coming in, on my vacation, and I’d lost weight.

This week was a little more difficult. I flew down to Arizona last weekend, back to Utah for two days and back to Arizona again, which is where I am now. When I was down here over the weekend, it was a little tough to make good food choices because things were just a little hectic and I didn’t plan what I was going to eat in the mornings, like I had been. I am also an extremely emotional eater, so, with everything that was going on, I made some poor food choices.

Once I got down here for the second time, I was able to go to the grocery store and pick up some food for me so that I would have some healthy snack choices. One of the hardest things with being at my sister’s is that I am here most of the day, and while I absolutely love it, it is a lot harder to not over do it when you have a stocked kitchen at your disposal all day long.

I am starting to discover what works for me. When I started Weight Watchers two weeks ago, I was a little concerned because I felt like I was thinking about food, what I was going to eat, what I couldn’t eat, etc., all the time. What I have realized is a) as an emotional eater who has always struggled with her weight, this is no different than the rest of my life, I have always thought about food, I’m just a little more aware of it right now and b) if I spend some time planning my food for the day in the morning, I spend a lot less time thinking about it throughout the day and I am a lot less likely to emotionally eat.

Now, it has only been two weeks and I have a long way to go, but I am starting to realize that this is probably a lifestyle change for me. This isn’t something that I will do, get to my goal weight and be done…assuming I keep going and don’t just quit (which I’ve done in the past). I finished a fabulous book this week, Running with Angels. It is the story of a woman who overcame obesity and tragedy through running. She also went to Weight Watchers, which I didn’t know when I started the book, as part of her plan to lose weight. The whole book was fantastic, but what I really loved was the part the author’s husband put in at the end. He told Pam, the author, that he knew people would want to know her secret or the key to losing weight. Pam’s response was that there was no secret. It was a daily awareness and constant struggle. Even after losing 100 lbs., she still struggled.

While that might sound depressing to some of you, reading that kind of liberated me in a way. I have lost significant amounts of weight at two or three times in my life, and have sworn every time that I would not “let myself” be that fat ever again. But then it happens. I lose the weight, stop paying attention to it, all hell breaks loose and I find myself overweight and miserable all over again.

I used to get so frustrated and hate (yes, I know it’s a strong word, but that’s how I felt) people who were naturally thin. It didn’t matter that I could run circles around some of these people. All that mattered to me was what people saw on the outside. I was fat and therefore, as I assumed people judged me, lazy, and these other people were thin, and therefore fit. The difference now (at least I hope) is that I have finally stopped hating those naturally thin people. Genetics did not favor me, and then you add to it the fact that I deal with things through food, and, well, I’m pretty much screwed. But the light at the end of the tunnel is that I have come to terms with this. I realize that I have two options: be bitter and angry about the injustice of my life while drowning in a pool of self-pity…and chocolate (so dramatic), or do what I need to do to deal with it, while enjoying a body that is much more energetic and able to do all of the things I love doing.

And, while thinking about that, it isn’t all thorns. While it may be that I emotionally eat, I also love being active and part of what gets me through those emotional moments when I just really want to eat a pint of Ben and Jerry’s (have you tried Fossil Fuel? it’s amazing!) is the desire to run this damned marathon in October. I also dream of hiking Mount Kilimanjaro and scuba diving in the Galapagos Islands and, having hiked and dived while thicker and thinner…thinner is much, much easier and more enjoyable.

Sorry to kind of go off today, but the thing is, I have made all of these amazing discoveries and I am loving it! For whatever reason, this time just feels different. I have opened up (obviously, considering I’m posting about it online and this isn’t some anonymous blog) about what a struggle this is for me and I have shared what I am doing with people around me. In so doing, I feel like I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that I will struggle with this the rest of my life and it’s okay. I’m going to be just fine. And I’m going to be able to do it.

Okay, so now to the good part. Even with the craziness of my week, and not eating all of the vegetables I should have, I lost 2.4 lbs! Yay for me!

P.S. Thanks for the encouraging comments and words of solicited advice. It is all so helpful!

SPOILER WARNING – Don’t click on the “movie popcorn” link if you ever want to be able to enjoy it again!

So…week one is over. I have to say, it really wasn’t bad. It’s an interesting experience to write down everything you eat during a day and to really think about all of your food choices. After one week of this (well, one day really) the 20 lbs that magically appeared this year made a lot more sense. Were any of you aware of just how horrible movie popcorn is for you? Well, I didn’t have a clue, until I was heading to the movies Friday night with Kelly and realized I had quite a few points left so perhaps I could have some of that delicious buttery goodness. Wrong!

I am a firm believer in non-deprivation eating. If this is going to be a permanent change, then I can’t feel like there are “bad foods”, foods that I can never eat. All things in moderation. This movie popcorn discovery…a little disheartening. But, I was not going to be discouraged so easily. I decided to do something my mom would have done (and something I would have that would have mortified me as a teenager). I pulled out some microwave popcorn, popped it up, put in some Ziploc bags and stuffed it in my purse before heading to the theater. I was totally satisfied, not deprived and happy to have found a solution.

As the week progressed, I discovered all sorts of little changes that made a huge difference in what foods were available to me; a little Splenda here, some non-fat cream cheese there. It’s amazing how quickly you can cut calories if you just pay a little attention.

The great thing about Weight Watchers is you really can eat anything you want, but with all of the fruits, vegetables, milk, water and healthy oil you need to get in, there’s not a whole lot of room for poor choices…well, not if you are trying to follow the program the way they have it set up. In my efforts to not feel deprived, I also discovered all kinds of “cheap treats”. Cheap, not because of the cost in dollars, but because of the cost in points. Healthy food is definitely more costly than the cheap, fast stuff, but so worth it.

In the process of this paradigm shift, I rediscovered just how much I love to cook, and I figured out ways to cook for one that made it much more enjoyable. For instance, when buying meat or seafood, I went right to the meat counter, as opposed to trying to find the prepackaged stuff. That way I was able to get exactly the amount I wanted, nothing wasted. I also menu planned so that when I purchased produce, I could use it for multiple dishes and not waste any.

But, my discovery of the week was Cooking Light magazine. There are all of these great recipes and all of the nutritional information is there, as well as the serving size. I tried a number of them and like all of them, with a few I absolutely loved. My favorite was this fabulous Grilled Salmon with Apricot-Mustard Glaze. I tweaked it just a bit to lower the calorie content, and because I didn’t have apricot nectar available. I used Diet Coke instead (I’m not drinking it, but I had some, so I threw it in) and it turned out great.

So, how did my first week turn out? I lost 5 lbs! I am thrilled!

The challenge this week will be traveling. Traveling always makes eating healthy and exercising more difficult. I welcome any tips you might have.