Normally, I’m not a huge fan of doing advertising on my blog (like in a post), but when I got approached by this company to do one, I looked a a bunch of their stuff and thought, “I would actually buy stuff off this site.” So, here’s the deal. CSN Stores has over 200 online stores where you can find everything from stylish modern dining room furniture to cute cookware, chic lighting pieces, baby gear, luxury items, lighting, luggage, toys and more!

All you have to do is leave a comment on this post. You’ll have two days. I’ll pick a winner Thursday evening, 7 pm EST. You’ll get a $35 gift certificate to use as you wish. Personally, I kind of love these dessert plates.

There are all kinds of charities throughout the world and various ways to give of your time or money. Once upon a time I was very involved with Sowers of Hope in DR Congo. It has had its ups and downs and with grad school and then moving to New York, I didn’t feel like I could really give the time or money I wanted to give. That said, I knew when I moved to New York I would want to find some way to give back.

Enter Minds Matter. One of my friends at work found this organization and I decided I wanted to get involved. As a firm believer in education and as someone who recognizes just how lucky I was to have parents who believed in education and a great example in my father who had a masters degree, and to have their support through high school, college, and then a masters degree, I feel like any organization that is trying to help kids not as privileged as I was get an education is something I can get behind.

Minds Matter is a program that helps high achieving, underprivileged high school students get into college. Interesting fact, the average income of these families is $21,000…in major urban areas. They do this by helping the kids with their test prep and getting them into incredible summer programs (Stanford, UCLA, etc, etc) that help them get into college. As a mentor of a high school sophomore, I meet with my mentee, Ivy*, every Saturday to help her prepare applications for various summer programs and whatever else she might need. Ivy is really interested in French and is in her first semester of it, so I get to help her with that; so fun for me.

I’ve also learned a lot from her. While I did not have the ideal childhood in terms of family situation, it could have been much harder. (I mean, I knew that, but…) Ivy lives in the Bronx and commutes to Queens for school (an hour each way) just so she can attend a better school. Her older brothers both live near her high school, so sometimes she stays with one of them. There are times when she doesn’t get to go home for a week at a time. I mean, she’s staying with her brother, but I know it’s rough for her. Her parents both work in a restaurant. One of her brothers is a mechanic, the other is a limo driver. No one in her family has ever graduated college. I actually don’t think anyone has ever even gone. Things that I took for granted as a kid (like having parents who knew how to apply for college) are things that are not at all part of her life.

This is a great program and I’m so thrilled to be a part of it. Something about having to plan your whole weekend around spending a couple of hours with high school sophomore really helps a thirty-something keep her life in perspective.

The program is funded through grants and fundraising and the various summer programs work with Minds Matter to offer financial aid to the students. And this is the part where I ask you if you’d like to donate to this great program. If you are interested, you can donate directly on my fundraising site. I’m trying to raise enough to sponsor the cost of one student ($2,500). Any amount helps!

And with that, I’m off to run my three miles and get on with my day.

*Name has been changed.

I find that I get writer’s block when I have too much to say and I’m not sure where to start. But the main thing that has been clogging up my mind these days, which are filled with so much fun and family, is the anxiety I’ve been dealing with for the past month…or two.

I don’t like whiney pants blogs (I do, however, like saying “whiney pants”) and I don’t mean this to be any kind of pity party. But I am also very cognizant of the fact that sometimes my life might seem a little idyllic. And while I do have all of these wonderful things I want to record, I think it feels a little disingenuous to do so without sharing the whole picture. When I started my blog four years ago, it was in the wake of a very rough break up (I did the breaking…harder than one might think). I had lost myself in this relationship and the blog was a way to make sure that didn’t happen again. In the spirit of that honesty, I need to share this little tidbit before I go on to talk about how fantastic my life is and tell you all about the dinner parties, the random visit from an old friend, ice skating with my niece and nephew, skiing with my brother, etc, etc, etc.

Yeah, I get that some of you are probably wondering what I could possibly have to complain about and, truthfully, there isn’t much. But I am human and my life is definitely not perfect. I’ve debated how to record this information on the blog. I’ve started multiple posts describing various incidents or emotional breakdowns. I shared a little bit about the “big break down” but that was during a high point on the roller coaster which I have been riding for the past month or two.

Now I am stable. The roller coaster seems to have ended. I am neither extremely happy and carefree, nor am I stressed out and anxious. I am settling into just being…after a tearful conversation with my doctor and a prescription for a very low dose anti-anxiety medication.

And why have I been so anxious?

I think it started with not getting enough sleep. I have always prided myself on my ability to function on so little sleep, but apparently such is not the case. Throw a little PMS on top. Add a dash of the holidays, a pinch of 8 million people in NYC, a few drops of dating drama, and well, you can see that a recipe for anxiety was in the works.

And how has this anxiety manifested itself…in tears…behind closed doors…where very few people have actually been present to see it. There are only a handful of individuals who had any idea that I’ve been dealing with this. And it’s not that I’ve been intentionally hiding it, but really, who wants to be the center of attention because she can’t stop crying. And in the midst of all of this, I’ve had a million things going on; parties to attend, outings, work, helping other people deal with their drama, Christmas presents to purchase, etc, etc, etc.

But behind all of that I have been worrying. I worry about my job; that I’m not working hard enough, that my managers are going to figure out that I have no idea what I’m doing, that I’ll miss a deadline, or a formatting error, or a number. I worry about dating. I worry that I date too many boys who aren’t Mormon and that the Mormon ones don’t want to date me. I worry that I am not capable of actually loving someone in that way. I worry that I won’t find someone I like enough to want to spend the rest of my life with him. And I worry that there will never be anyone that feels that way about me. I worry that I make out too much and too fast. I worry that I don’t date enough. I worry about getting so caught up in my career that I miss the marriage boat. I worry that I won’t be able to find someone who is both smart and kind. I worry about having to tell someone someday about how much debt I’m in. I worry that I make too much money for some men to want to date me. I worry about not being in therapy. I worry that I about trying to pay for therapy. I worry that I will never be the size I want to be. I worry about my eggs drying up and being an “old” mom; or not being a mom at all. I worry that I will be a mom and will totally mess up my kids. I worry that I won’t be able to stay home with my kids because I won’t be able to afford it. I worry that I won’t want to stay home with my kids. I worry that I share too much with the wrong people and not enough with the right ones. I worry that I’ll never just be happy with how I look. I worry about my brothers and sisters. I worry about my nieces and nephews. I worry about what I’m going to wear. I worry about not being able to fall asleep. I worry about what people think of me. I worry that I don’t show my feelings (the good ones) enough. I’m even worrying a little, right now, about who will read this post and what they will think of me. I worry…I worry…I worry…I worry…

And this worrying has been keeping me from sleeping.

In case you wanted to know what it feels like, just read that paragraph over and over again, and skip sleeping for 24 hours and I think you’ll have an idea. Or you could just take my word for it.

The good news is medication is helping me sleep and sleep is helping me feel like me again…the me that didn’t know what anxiety was before moving to New York. And don’t get me wrong. I love living in New York. But with the extreme highs come extreme lows; opposition in all things; even cities.

And with that, I’m not going to reread this post and just publish it. Because really, I have much more fun things to blog about and I just need to get this out there and be done with it so I can move on (at least here).

#06 – The Mulberry Girl! Kristen, congratulations! Please use the link to the side to email me your mailing address (or you can send it to me through FB).

This is my new term for “fail”. And that is what happened in November. I had the best of intentions for posting gratitude posts but, just like last year…I failed. And the reason I failed was a couple of jam packed weeks. Between work, Broadway shows, a social life that has exploded, the arrival of my Wii, out-of-town visitors, and just the day-to-day that is living in New York city, posting every day was not going to happen. Hopefully next year I’ll remember this and find a different approach to my gratitude postings (like maybe one really long one or something?).

And now, to the term “boot sandals”. (Oh, and I will post something about all of my busyness soon.) Tonight some of my favorite ladies were over at my apartment. My darling and hilarious friend Jenna was working on a blog post that had some reference to wins and fails while there was a conversation going on about the ugliness of boot sandals, and so…the term boot sandals will now represent fails in my mind. A little ridiculous? Perhaps. But every time I think about boot sandals I laugh. And part of my laughter is due to the fact that I was probably this (imagine I’m pinching my fingers almost together) close to buying a pair because, yes, I sometimes feel the need to be just that trendy.

Anyway, all of this to say that I should have blogged more in November.