Category Archives: family

A few little thoughts…

Posted on by
1

1. I love sushi. I went last night with my dad and sister. I’m quite impressed with how good it was considering I am in a landlocked state. My love of sushi began in Utah when my friend, Katrina (aka Niki) introduced me to it after my mission, but I guess I thought that, now that I’ve had some seriously amazing sushi, it wouldn’t be as good…but it is, if you go to the right place. I recommend The Happy Sumo. It’s a little pricey, but delicious.

2. After sushi we went to see “The Pursuit of Happyness”. I really liked it. I know people have written bad reviews about it and I’m not saying that you should go see it. In fact, I rarely recommend movies to anyone. I have such random taste. Moving on…The movie really drove home two points to me (I believe that a movie can be quite a personal experience)…First, I am so blessed. I have never had to go through anything close to what Chris Gardner experienced (assuming those parts were true). Second, as I’m getting ready to apply to grad school and I look at my undergrad GPA, it gives me more hope. I have felt hopeful, but to watch a guy with nothing but a high school education make it with Dean Witter is inspirational. What I like is that he didn’t just strike it rich by winning the lottery, he worked hard and used his talents.

3. I’m really glad to be at a point in my life where I don’t feel the need to cater to everyone around me. Not that I want to be rude. I don’t and I like to be liked. I just don’t feel that it’s necessary to bend over backward to keep the peace anymore. If there’s tension because someone is creating it and I have no control over that person…well, let there be tension. I can always walk away.

4. I’m reading Stephen R. Covey’s, “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” and it is quite good. I’m learning quite a bit. I really like how he doesn’t set anything up as a quick fix. To be successful (and I mean deep, personal success) you have to get your priorities in line and you have to be willing to work hard.

5. If you haven’t read “Freakonomics”, you should. It is so interesting. I just started and I already have it listed as a favorite. Connecting crime rates with the legalization of abortion…if that doesn’t intrigue you, I don’t know what will. Or maybe you just don’t find those things interesting.

6. I’m so happy to NOT be listening to Christmas music. KOZY 100 (or whatever the name of the station is) needs someone to give them some new Christmas music. The stuff they play is horrendous. How many times can one really be expected to listen to Kenny Rogers belting out “Mary Did You Know?”? Seriously! And we don’t have any other option here at the BYU, so it’s that or nothing…and I’m all for nothing.

7. I love iTunes and days when it is so quiet at work that my little speakers are actually loud enough to here my music. Happy, happy day!

8. Technology amazes me everyday. Our dependence on it is a little frightening, though. The network was down this morning at work and I seriously didn’t know what to do with myself. Which made me think about the other day, when I was at some store purchasing something and the total was something like $16.78 and I gave the girl $22.00 and she looked at me kind of funny and then I realized I had three cents in my wallet and told her to hold on, that I had three cents. The blank stare that appeared in front of me was amazing. She didn’t know what to do. At this point, she had already entered the $22.00 into the system and it was too late to change it. It made me sad. Kids don’t know how to do basic math anymore. That’s just basic subtraction. I took my three pennies and put them back in my wallet and she handed me the $5.22 and that was that.

9. I love my new laptop. That’s what I got for Christmas. It is so handy. I love not having to go into the house to use the internet. Speaking of technology…one computer with the internet in a house with more than one person just doesn’t seem to be enough. How sad is that??? I remember when we didn’t have the internet (aren’t we all so glad that Al Gore invented it). I remember going into one of the computer labs on campus as a freshman and watching someone “chat” on a black screen with a green font and thinking it was amazing (it was 1995), and now my nephew niece who’s eight knows how to get online and chat.

10. I love my new sunglasses. They were a gift to myself. Aren’t they fabulous? A little trendy, I’ll admit, but they make me happy. Yes, I have a problem and recognizing that is the first step to recovery.

S.A.E.H.

Posted on by
1

My older brother and I were talking about this problem client that he had and overreacting and how sometimes people skip the normal steps of upsettedness (yes, I realize that is not a word, which is why the acronym was born) . As worded by Brad, “There is a Socially Acceptable Escalation of Hostilities, and this woman skipped them.

An example…someone cuts you off while you are driving. This manoeuvre doesn’t cause an accident or even an adrenaline surge, it just makes you angry. Well, the appropriate reaction (if you are normal and don’t possess the ability to just smile and nod) would be to honk and give a dirty look. It would not be to pull out your Glock and shoot a tire, or worse.

Obviously, not everyone has an understanding of S.A.E.H. Or they do, but only when they apply it to others. And those are the people I just want to shoot. Of course, if I were to do that, I would be breaking my own code, so I don’t. I just think mean thoughts about them and wonder why they can’t control their anger. Not that I’m cruel or heartless or don’t care about upsetting someone, but when one skips multiple rungs on the ladder of S.A.E.H., I just realize that they aren’t capable of functioning at a normal capacity and that I can’t let there hostility get to me.

Understanding of this ladder is extremely helpful when dealing with repeat rung-jumpers. As you breathe out S.A.E.H. in your mind (pronounce ‘say’ with a little extra ‘h’, unless someone offers something better) you will realize that the person you are dealing with doesn’t have an understanding of these principles and that knowledge can almost instantly diffuse a potential “situation” if you allow it to. I had the opportunity to practice this over my short Christmas break. A comment became a situation when the person to whom the comment was made decided to skip about four rungs of the ladder. Well, once upon a time, I might have jumped up there with her, but instead, I just walked away and calmed down.

Was I a little bugged that I couldn’t say everything I was thinking? Of course. But the problem with rung-jumpers is that they feel the need to always be above you. No matter how high you jump, the rung-jumper will always jump above you.

So, the next time you are upset about something ask yourself two questions: 1. Does my level of anger seem appropriate to the situation? 2. Does the person I’m dealing with have the same understanding I do of S.A.E.H?

And then move on.

thanksgiving delayed…

Posted on by
Reply


So, I’m a little late on this, but I just got the pictures from my little brother and I wanted to post them. This is the second time of done the turkey and I have to say that I think it looks pretty good. You have to love the Food Network and all of the helpful hints you can get from both the shows and the website: how long to cook the turkey, what kind of herbs to season it with, little tricks like putting butter under the skin (no low-fat holidays at our house). And, even better is that it tasted as good as it looked. Delicious…


There were just five us (and one was a baby) and we had more food than we ever could have eaten in one sitting (well, unless you include purging as an option, but bulimia just doesn’t sound like a very fun addition to Thanksgiving), but it sure was fun to see such a pretty table and enjoy such a good meal.

And just so none of you think that I am totally full of myself, the gravy was not my best work and I didn’t make quite enough of it, but the rest was great.

And after spending Christmas with my entire immediate family, I have a new appreciation for just a few of us getting together…which is another story for another day. But this little guy makes any holiday worth the price of family drama. I know I might be a little biased, but really you have to admit that he is adorable.

joys of christmas

Posted on by
Reply
I am Santa Claus this year, and as such, I know every gift that I am getting. Ever since my parents divorced, Christmas has not been the same. And since my mom died, it has really changed. Don’t get me wrong. I still enjoy it, but it’s different. My dad’s wife is just not my mom and she never will be. The perfection of the deceased is something with which few can compete, and I realize this, but just the same, my mom was amazing when it came to Christmas, or any holiday for that matter.

The year before my mom died (well, month really), my sisters and I returned home from college to find our home decorated to the hilt. Candles were lit (one had actually burned the side of a post in our entryway–that’s my mom), the tree was flocked (always a flocked tree in the living room), stockings were hung, lights dotted our roof, and it smelled of Christmas. That was Christmas in the Andersen home (broken or not). Christmas morning we awoke to the same unreal mound of gifts to which we had become accustomed (especially since the divorce). I can’t recall whether my dad’s wife was there or not. Funny how some things get forgotten. It was the perfect Christmas.

This year promises to be another good Christmas. While the decorations don’t come close to my mother’s and the food will not be homemade, my entire family is going to be here. This is the first time in a long time we will all be together for something other than a funeral. Everyone arrives on Friday and I couldn’t be more excited. There are bound to be arguments, complaints and hurt feelings. But there will be laughter and love and food and gifts and fun. All of the things necessary for a perfect occasion.

We will go out and manage to spend a small fortune on the 23rd (this is normally the 24th, but seeing as how the 24th is a Sunday this year, it will have to occur the day before). We will each open our matching pajamas Christmas Eve. We will make gingerbread houses. Okay, not make, but decorate (the making of the gingerbread died with my mom). We will continue the traditions created by my mother and add to those the ones we have created since she left us. We will have our traditionally GINORMOUS breakfast. We will open gifts. We will watch children play with their new toys. We will talk about the newest niece who will join us in June. We will discuss our jobs. We will play Phase-10 into the wee hours of the morning. We will watch movies. We will gorge ourselves on chocolate and treats of all kinds. We will thank my dad for making Christmas as wonderful as ever. We will enjoy all of our fun toys in the ensuing months. And the memories will last a lifetime.

"it always works out."

Posted on by
Reply

My mother was a wonderful person. She was not perfect and she wasn’t all knowing, but what I am discovering is that she was wise. Even 11 years after her death, her wisdom speaks to me daily.

With recent life events, I have been forced to carefully evaluate what I want out of life and how to get it. What I have discovered, upon reflection, is that my life has been full of twists and turns, not the least of which has been the last year, but it has been a life of achievement. I have lived a life, so far, that has been guided by feelings and dreams as much as anything. These dreams have turned into goals with plans and then become realities.

The dreams have changed as I have discovered myself, my strengths and my weaknesses, but the idea is the same. I discover what I want and I do what I need to do to get it. This may sound obnoxious, but my purpose for expressing is not to say, “Look at me. I’m so great.” My purpose is to express gratitude and, perhaps, impart a little wisdom from my mom.

I have been so blessed in my life. I have made some interesting (you can substitute good, poor, random, stupid, silly and spontaneous) choices in my life and had to go through some difficult times, but even in my darkest moments there is always a little voice that resonates in my soul, “It always works out.”

My mother’s words are never far from me. This phrase has made all of the difference for me and my siblings. We have faced, collectively, trials that I would never wish on anyone (okay, truth be told, maybe I’d wish some of them on a few people) and we have all wondered what God was thinking assuming we could handle certain things. We have all made a lot of mistakes. But we all know, deep in our souls that “it always works out” and we are always there to buoy one another up and remind each other that this is true.

At times in my life this phrase has truly frustrated me. In those moments when I have wanted to wallow in misery and throw the biggest self-pity rager you have ever seen, I have not been able to because I can always hear those words. I may get in a good cry now and again, or manage to stay in my pajamas for an entire day while eating a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, but not long after those few hours, the voice is there, telling me to keeping going because “it always works out.”

I don’t know why I was blessed to be raised by a mother who was so wise, or to be surrounded by siblings who jokingly subscribe to the Billy Madison mantra “O’Doyle Rules!”, but I am so grateful for such blessings.

As I get ready to head off on a new adventure (in a couple of years…some adventures take planning), I am excited because, even with the challenges of past mistakes that will make the trail a little more difficult to tread, my mother’s words are always there. “It always works out.”