Category Archives: confessions

the run of death

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The short version: Indian food + running = run of death.

The long version: So, some of you read my blog pretty regularly and know that I have really been enjoying my runs. Sure, the heat of the Arizona summer was a bit much, but other than that, I have not minded this whole marathon training process too much.

Tonight, all of that changed. Seeing as how I am both training for a marathon and doing Weight Watchers, I plan my days out pretty carefully. If I want to go out to eat with friends, I need to know where we are going in advance and what time so I can make sure that a) I know what my food options are and what to eat during the day, pre-going out to eat and b) I know when I am going to fit in my run or cross-training.

Like yesterday, for instance, I knew that some guys from my church (aka home teachers) were coming over at 8 pm, so running needed to happen right after work so that I could eat before they came over, which meant running happened on a treadmill at club 24 (aka 24 hour fitness) because at 4:45 pm on Tuesday it was a gajillion degrees outside and there was no way in hell (and that’s what it would have felt like), after the Arizona Experience (remember the one involving me and the Circle K), that I was going to run in 95 degree weather.

Well, today the plan was the opposite of yesterday. Sarah and I had talked about going to Bombay House this week (we’re both big fans of Indian food) and so we decided on Wednesday (today). I planned my day accordingly. Eat a light breakfast and light lunch, head over to Bombay at 6, done by 7, then home to hang out for a bit and watch SYTYCD (the only t.v. show I watch these days…speaking of, I have to admit that I was in love with Pasha tonight) and at 9, go running. This would give my food two hours to settle, and I figured I would be fine to run four miles. I mean, I did nine on Saturday with no problems. And since I didn’t end up leaving my house until almost 10, I was even more sure that I wouldn’t have any problems. Oh, I have been wrong about a few things in my life, but rarely more so than I was about this run this night.

For the first time ever, I puked after running. It was miserable. I had a cramp in my side from take off to touch down. My chest felt like fire was raging inside of it. My knees were were screamin. Every part of me, including the food in my stomach, was begging me to stop. Did I stop? Of course not. I am on a schedule and no one (including my digestive tract) is going to mess with that schedule, dammit. The worst part was I knew, somewhere deep down, that I was going to throw up , and even that didn’t stop me.

The coconut kurma, peshawari and endless Diet Coke all tasted so good going in, along with the few bites of Richard (he ended up joining us) and Sarah’s entrées. If only I had known how awful they would make me feel later on. And, while I am aware that DC is bad for me on multiple levels, especially when training for a marathon, you try starting Weight Watchers and training for a marathon in the same week and see if you can give it up (or whatever your particular vice may be). Anyway, you anti-soda people will all be happy to know that I regretted every last sip of that damned Diet Coke. Never again will I be so stupid.

Oh, I’d like to ask you to please excuse the swearing. I mean, I swear frequently enough in real life (another vice – but I generally keep it to the “biblical terms”), but rarely in writing, especially on the blog. But, as long as we’re on the subject, do you know what the difference is between driving up a hill and running up it (besides the fact that one involves a car)? About 25 minutes and an endless stream of profanities spewing forth from deep within my soul.

And on that note, let me leave you with a quote that I came across today:

“Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief
denied even to prayer.”

Mark Twain


P.S. I thought about posting some choice pictures for wordless wednesday and leaving it at that, but somehow I didn’t think anyone would really appreciate them…plus, I didn’t actually take said choice pictures. Think about it.

tuesday tidbits

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1. I woke up this morning from a horrific nightmare; kissing someone who a) I never want to kiss and b) is married. It was a horrible way to start the day. How come the only kissing dreams I ever have are nightmares? It’s so not fair! Not to mention the fact that I got very little sleep due to this horrendous cough that I have that will not go away.

2. Both my receptionist and I were in bad moods…and somehow we played off each other to the point of feeling better. Don’t ask me, but something about the emails we sent back and forth…emails that are totally unnecessary since we sit across from each other, made the day much, much better.

3. I had J-Dawg’s for lunch…for the second day in a row. Of course, I didn’t tell any of the people I met there that I had eaten there yesterday. Where’s the fun in that? And for those of you who have yet to eat there, you should really try it. The dawgs are delicious and a great value, I think. I like mine with special sauce, a little bit of mayo (which normally I find kind of repulsive) and kraut. I know, it’s weird, but sooo good.

4. I “met” two very cool bloggers (Cropstar and Annie) today. They are both training for different races, so we got to exchange some running tips. You should check out their sites. I love the way the blogging world works. I get to “meet” and interact with people I might otherwise never meet. I love it!

5. I hired someone today for an open, part-time position, which is nice since I will be down two employees come Tuesday. But then I had to call the other five people I interviewed and tell them they didn’t get the job. That part sucked. There two of the “rejects” that I wish I could have hired. The other three? Well, they were all good. I just wish I could have said to them, “remember when you told me that you have a problem with this or that? Yeah, that’s why you didn’t get hired.” Or, “You know how you didn’t make eye contact with me through the entire interview? That’s why you didn’t get hired.” Not only that, but most of their resumes were turned in on plain white paper and the formatting was pretty bad. Why don’t they teach interviewing and resume writing in high school as a required class? I think that would be a lot more useful than several of the classes I took, like calculus, for instance.

6. I couldn’t wait until work was over so that I could head up the canyon and take some pictures before going on my run. Taking pictures was the motivation to get me up the canyon so that I would go running…and even then, I almost didn’t.

7. While I have almost no control when it comes to spending money, I really enjoy my “toys”, so I guess I’m okay being out of money all the time (even if it does keep me up at night on occasion). Today I was all about my camera and my iPod, although, technically I didn’t spend any money on the latter since I used points from my credit card to get it (I guess I did spend a lot of money to get the points)…but the Nike+ I did purchase, which is 90% of the reason I love my nano.

8. My dad emailed me to give me the confirmation on my motel room in St. George for Friday night (I have an extended family reunion). My dad is hilarious. He listed the info, and the price and then he put in the discount, the “Good Ol’ Dad” discount. Basically, I pay nothing. I then emailed him back and whined about being broke and asked if G.O.D. (yes, that’s the acronym) might want to give his daughter some money for gas. And, surprisingly, he said ‘yes’. I don’t know what his deal is lately, but I’m definitely appreciating his generosity. And, while you all may be thinking about pathetic is for a 29-year-old to ask for gas money from her dad, I have no problem with it.
9. Today, I was loving that fact that I live in Utah. I know, weird. While I wasn’t necessarily loving the “happy valley” aspect, I was loving the fact that I can drive 10 minutes and be in a beautiful canyon with a river and waterfalls and a great biking/running trail . It’s amazing!

10. I attended a forum today on campus. The lecture was entitled “Coaxing the Muse: Thoughts on the Creative Process.” It was fantastic. I love working for a University that offers devotionals and forums and I love that I get paid to go to them. The lecturer gave several pieces of advice for writing, but the two that stuck with me are that you need to read voraciously and write regularly. I wish I had the lecture recorded. It was just that good. He also shared a quote from Picasso that I absolutely love, “I don’t know what inspiration is, but when it comes, I hope it finds me working.” Part of why I love blogging is that it gives me an opportunity to write almost daily.

11. Veronica Mars is now over and I now have no reason to ever watch the CW again. And, while I did enjoy the episode last night, because the CW just decided to cancel it, there was absolutely no closure, zero, zilch, nada. Seriously disappointing. And I loved that they were just calling it the “season finale” and not the “series finale”. Who are they kidding? I loathe the CW. The CW is dead to me.

a girl and her mom

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I wasn’t going to write about the series finale of Gilmore Girls because I feel like a bit of a fraud. I didn’t follow the Gilmores from the start. I only started watching last summer (I love t.v. on DVD), although I have watched every episode, except for a select few from this season. I guess what I’m saying is that I have not been through seven years of Gilmore. I have only been through one.

But as I was reflecting on it last night and this morning, wondering just why I got so emotional last night (although, I cry at Hallmark cards, so it shouldn’t surprise me), I realized that, not only is it Lorelai and Rory’s relationship that rips at my heartstrings, but that the first six seasons of Gilmore (watched over the course of about two months) are what got me through one of the hardest, possibly the hardest, time in my life. Watching those endless, commercial free hours gave me something to look forward to each day during a time when life seemed very, very bleak.

I think that’s a large part of what I was feeling last night. It has now been almost a year since I called off my wedding. I have moved on. I have had closure. I don’t dread getting out of bed each day. I’ve gone on dates. I have a great life. But my relationship with the Gilmores is what got me out of bed sometimes and helped to get all the tears out that I needed to cry. So, yesterday, while watching the show, it was like enjoying those last few moments with a dear friend, one who understands you perfectly, and then having to say goodbye…forever. And watching Lorelai and Rory part made me really miss my mom. And now I’m going to end this post before I start to cry…again. Yes, I am truly pathetic sometimes.

A little love from the Gilmores:
Lorelai: Ah, things happen for a reason.
Rory: Since when is that your philosophy?
Lorelai: Since now. By the way, I’m also a communist.
Rory: Really?
Lorelai: Yes, ’cause I look damn good in red.

P.S. Erika, I hope you appreciate that I’ve enjoyed every t.v. show you’ve ever recommended…except maybe Lois and Clark.

the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem

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I understand that shoe purchasing problems are fairly common among women, however, in my family, we all suffer from the disease in varying degrees. We love shoes. For me it’s not just about how cute the shoes are, it’s how purchasing and wearing them makes me feel. It’s knowing that I have found the perfect shoes for an outfit or event. Or finding great shoes and getting to construct an outfit around them. (Yes, I do realize I need therapy, but I would appreciate it if you would keep those comments to yourselves).

As a child, my mother taught us that the right shoes can make an outfit. I have vivid memories of staring into her closet at the boxes and boxes of shoes. It was amazing. And for better and worse, she passed this shoe buying gene along. But unlike the smoker who hopes that her child will not follow in her footsteps, my mother put us on the path following hers.

My first memory of shoe purchasing was at the local shoe store around the corner from my house. It was a bit more expensive than the department stores, but my mom loved going there because it was a children’s shoe store, they had excellent customer service and they carried Buster Browns (the first brand name I remember being aware of). I loved going down there. I loved Mr. Nice Shoe Man, who always helped us. I love that he always gave us rolls of Smarties.

That love of shoe purchasing was developed as a child, and like any good relationship, has only become a deeper, stronger love with the passing years. As my weight has fluctuated over the years and clothes often became my nemeses, shoes have always been there for me. They always fit, whether I’ve been a size 6 or 16 (okay, so I’ve never been a size 6, but for literary purposes, it sounds better). And I know that I will always find a pair (or 5) that I like, even if I can’t find the pair I’m looking for.

This week was no exception. I went to Nordstrom (another bad habit I inherited from my mom) with the specific intent of finding a pair of red shoes to go with a fabulous dress I’d purchased the day before. I had actually worn the dress to work with black shoes, knowing that as soon as my day was over, I would head out to find a red pair. And find a red pair I did. In fact, it was more like five. The final choice was between the Brytni, a 4.25 inch, patten leather, peep toe, mary jane in red, and the Suttle, a 2.75 inch, sling-back, peep-toe pump (the ones in the pic) – both by Steve Madden.

I loved the 4.25 inch heel and they made my legs look fantastic. However, seeing as how I am already quite tall for a girl and that I have finally realized that you can look good without your feet killing you while risking serious injury to your ankles, I opted for the lower heel. They are also much more versatile. I have a disease, but I am not completely crazy. Do I spend too much on shoes? Absolutely. Because I know this, do I at least try to make sure my shoes are good for more than one outfit? Definitely.

And in case you were about to be impressed that I left with only one pair of shoes, you can go ahead and stop. I also purchased these in yellow – another pair by Steve Madden. (Steve and I have developed quite the relationship over the past five years or so. He was there for me when I finally left the doctor, Doc Martin, that is, and he has yet to fail me). But now that I just read how high the heel is on my new yellow shoes, they may need to be returned. We shall see.

Grocery store confessions…

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Yesterday, I spent a good portion of my day working in the yard with my dad and his wife. It was time to re-mulch everything, so I was cleaning out dead leaves from under and around the bushes and flowers and then putting mulch in. I have to say, my dad keeps an amazing yard. Well, I thought, since I was going to be outside for so long, I wanted to get some color, and I donned a tank top and some shorts and went to work. Bad idea! I am a white girl, a very, very white girl and this is Utah and we are at a pretty good altitude. Yes, I got burned, very, very burned.

Why do I tell you all of this in a post about the grocery store? Because this was the reason I headed to the grocery store at 10:00 on a Saturday night. I got home from my date and was going to just watch a movie or something and then go to bed, when I thought, “If I don’t get something on this burn I am going to have a miserable night and my back will probably peel horribly.” Being the way my step-mom is, of course she has no aloe. And I just want to add that I’m pretty sure I could hear an “I told you so” from within her as I asked for it. She, of course, avoids the sun like it’s the plague. But seriously, she’s a grandma and grandmas are supposed to have aloe, just like they are supposed to have kiddy sunscreen and ice-cream and chocolate chips (none of which she keeps stocked). So that is what took me to the grocery store last night.

Now, at this point, I had already changed into scrubs and a t-shirt and was basically ready for bed. So, I grabbed a sweatshirt, put on my slippers (they are nice slippers that you can where outside) and headed to Harmon’s. I got there, finally found what I was looking for…a fabulous product called Solarcaine that my mom used to always have on hand…and then decided that since I was already at the store, I should get myself some ice-cream.

So, here’s the picture. Chubby, sunburned, single, white girl in scrubs and a sweatshirt, alone at the grocery store on a Saturday night purchasing sunburn products and ice-cream. Yes, it’s appropriate to giggle (or laugh). And you should have assumed that I was about to run into someone I knew…which I did. A friend from my mission whom I hadn’t seen in ages who is married and was obviously grabbing some things he and his family needed for Sunday. Thankfully, I still had my makeup on and he was a pretty good friend in times past, so it wasn’t a huge deal.

Prior to running into Adam, I hadn’t thought much about what I looked like at the grocery store because what do I care what strangers think? Not only that, but I had been on the phone and involved in my conversation. But after running into Adam and getting off the phone, I started to think about what this looked like. As I walked past the checkout lines, I noticed a few people notice me. One was a very cute, very slender, perfectly dressed and coiffed twenty-something with her husband. I saw her eyes go from my face to my outfit to the Ben & Jerry’s that I was holding in my hands. It was so funny, I almost started laughing right there in the store.

Then I began to notice the other people around me. There were a few older couples who had obviously been out, either to some kind of church meetings or wedding receptions (they were in Sunday clothes), there were some younger couples, there was a group of girls that looked like roommates and some other randoms. For being 10:00 at night and a grocery store that is not right in the heart of university housing, it was pretty busy. And I noticed that people noticed me, and there was a strange look of…well, I think it was pity, that came over them as they looked at me with my ice-cream and sunburn relief products.

The thing is, over the last year of my life, I have become so grateful for my single status that I revel in these moments. In fact, I found the whole thing rather amusing. But why, oh why is it, that no matter what, when you are wearing scrubs in public (and you aren’t a doctor or a nurse) you always run into someone you know and haven’t seen in a long time, even when you’ve just recently moved somewhere?