My mother was a wonderful person. She was not perfect and she wasn’t all knowing, but what I am discovering is that she was wise. Even 11 years after her death, her wisdom speaks to me daily.
With recent life events, I have been forced to carefully evaluate what I want out of life and how to get it. What I have discovered, upon reflection, is that my life has been full of twists and turns, not the least of which has been the last year, but it has been a life of achievement. I have lived a life, so far, that has been guided by feelings and dreams as much as anything. These dreams have turned into goals with plans and then become realities.
The dreams have changed as I have discovered myself, my strengths and my weaknesses, but the idea is the same. I discover what I want and I do what I need to do to get it. This may sound obnoxious, but my purpose for expressing is not to say, “Look at me. I’m so great.” My purpose is to express gratitude and, perhaps, impart a little wisdom from my mom.
I have been so blessed in my life. I have made some interesting (you can substitute good, poor, random, stupid, silly and spontaneous) choices in my life and had to go through some difficult times, but even in my darkest moments there is always a little voice that resonates in my soul, “It always works out.”
My mother’s words are never far from me. This phrase has made all of the difference for me and my siblings. We have faced, collectively, trials that I would never wish on anyone (okay, truth be told, maybe I’d wish some of them on a few people) and we have all wondered what God was thinking assuming we could handle certain things. We have all made a lot of mistakes. But we all know, deep in our souls that “it always works out” and we are always there to buoy one another up and remind each other that this is true.
At times in my life this phrase has truly frustrated me. In those moments when I have wanted to wallow in misery and throw the biggest self-pity rager you have ever seen, I have not been able to because I can always hear those words. I may get in a good cry now and again, or manage to stay in my pajamas for an entire day while eating a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, but not long after those few hours, the voice is there, telling me to keeping going because “it always works out.”
I don’t know why I was blessed to be raised by a mother who was so wise, or to be surrounded by siblings who jokingly subscribe to the Billy Madison mantra “O’Doyle Rules!”, but I am so grateful for such blessings.
As I get ready to head off on a new adventure (in a couple of years…some adventures take planning), I am excited because, even with the challenges of past mistakes that will make the trail a little more difficult to tread, my mother’s words are always there. “It always works out.”
It’s also awesome (in the literal sense of the word) to watch my siblings develop into parents. I love watching my brothers with their children. They change. They become childlike. Their rough exteriors melt as they spend time with their kids. And this child, in particular, has his daddy wrapped around his finger. Maybe it’s the way my nephew’s face lights up when my brother gets home from work. Maybe it’s the way he wraps his arms around my brother’s neck and grips his shirt for dear life when someone approaches threatening to take him away. Maybe it’s the way he looks just like my brother did at that age. 
Whatever it is, this child has my brother completely spellbound and it is such a wonderful thing to observe. 
existential dilemmas 
