Once upon a time, when I was still in college, I watched some of my girlfriends from my freshmen year get married from a distance. I would hear about their upcoming nuptials and be slightly (read: seriously) jealous. That’s all I wanted.
As the years have gone on and I have remained single, I have become more comfortable with my single status. Not so comfortable that I don’t want to get married at some point when the right guy comes along (and when I’m the right girl…I maybe have some work to do…maybe). But today was one of those days when I realized just how lucky I am that I didn’t end up married to the wrong guy. My life may not be perfect, and I may have to make all of these decisions on my own, and I may not have a partner in crime and foolishness, but I am happy. And I am the one who is in control of that happiness. And I have marketable skills that allow me to take care of myself.
To those of you stay-at-home-moms out there reading this, please do not mistake what I am saying. I am not saying that I think you should not be stay-at-home-moms. Nor am I saying that the work you are doing in your homes is not the most important work you could be doing right now. What I am saying is that I would rather be single than unhappily married, especially if I felt like I was trapped.
This may seem like a random post, but I recently learned that some of these girls from my freshmen year (lovely, amazing, women) who married rather young and devoted themselves to their husbands and children are now divorced and my heart goes out to them. I can’t imagine what a trial that must be.
It’s not that I think they should have made different choices. I think the best we can do is make good decisions based on the information we have at that moment. I am just very sad for them. And feeling very blessed tonight, as I sit in my itty-bitty-but-oh-so-cute apartment in New York City, thinking about the fact that I love my job and that I can pay my bills and that I’m not worried about 1/100th of the things I would guess these women are worrying about. I would also guess that these women wouldn’t trade places with me for anything because that would mean not having their oh-so-adorable children. At least I hope that’s how they feel.
The bottom-line: I’m thankful that my life is my life and my trials are my trials. And isn’t that the best thing that any of us can hope for?
amen. and let me tell you- sometimes you can feel the most lonely when you're married. there's not always that partner in crime available (imho). anyway. still trying to get into the nyc marathon so i can come visit you. and still looking to find an african race to see anne- are you in?
sometimes i think i'd like someone else's trials instead of mine. and then i see what their trials entail and i'm grateful for the ones i've got. i also think it's the lot of women to secretly (and not so secretly) want the "other" option. and that is when all the problems really begin. i love my life with ronell and there are also times when i'm a little (read: seriously) jealous of you cute, fashion-forward, successful women. but ultimately, i truly believe that, while we all have a few regrets and have moments when we feel trapped in our lives, the Lord will use us if we allow Him to and bring us peace about the decisions we have made and will make. p.s. i'm jealous that you get to live in NYC. not slight jealous, but really, truly, like i might give away my kids if i could live in NYC. 🙂
It's really true. And maybe this makes me a jerk but I feel really lucky I didn't meet the right guy when I was that age. I feel lucky that I still get to, AND I've been able to have my single time. I know everyones life pans out the way it's supposed to, I'm just glad to have my life.I love your posts.