freeze and explode

When I went to Arizona, my sister and brother-in-law introduced me to Chuck. In a matter of three weeks I have watched three seasons (just finished the third one tonight). I’m a little obsessed. It satisfies all of my TV watching needs (funny, suspenseful, romantic) and it has fantastic music. Which brings me to the title of this post. I’m a little obsessed with this song by Cassettes Won’t Listen.

Beside the fact that I loved whatever episode of Chuck during which it played and whatever was happening at that moment (how I love Shazam!), the lyrics and melody just kind of capture how I’ve been feeling since I left Arizona (and my family).

Life moves so fast. Especially when you’re not around the people you love. Especially in a city of 8,000,000 strangers. And I feel a little lost. And a little homesick…although I’m not sure where I would even call home.

Until you’ve lived in a city of 8,000,000 people, I don’t think that you can understand just how lonely being alone can feel.

So, yes, I live in a great place and I have a great job (although that has its days, too). I go running in Central Park. I play soccer on a field that overlooks the Manhattan skyline, and I make plans to pop into the Met to see the Alexander McQueen Exhibition, not because I’m dying to, but because I can. And to the outside view, it’s all very glamorous. And it can be. But sometimes it’s just me, sitting on my couch, watching episodes of Chuck, missing my family, and wondering what I was thinking when I decided to move so far away.

And tomorrow (or next week, or sometime in the near future), I will wake up, and I will go outside, and it will be one of those perfect New York days when I can’t imagine living anywhere else, and all will be well in the universe again and I will blog about how thrilled I am with my soccer team, or how nice it is to be able to ride the train right to beach, or how my job has provided me with summer Fridays so I can take advantage of the amazingness (not a word…deal with it) that is New York City in the summer time, or any number of other incredible things I love about living here.

But tonight, I’m just going to let myself have a moment–a moment which may involve one more episode of Chuck (season 4?) and some Phish Food.

1 thought on “freeze and explode

  1. Thanks woman. I really really liked this post, and, if you don't mind, want to quote you on a post I've been mulling over in my mind for quite some time.Monday after work I was walking to the park to read and thought to myself, "I should call Chloe and see if she feels like joining." And then I thought to myself, "Well, it's 7:30 already, I'm already on my way, and she's so busy I'm sure she's not free to just drop everything to meet me for an hour." So I didn't call. And now I feel like I should have. Maybe you were busy, but who doesn't like to be thought of anyway?So. I dropped the ball, and I'm sorry.Hope to see you this weekend.

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