It’s interesting that I can hate something about myself so much, and yet do nothing to resolve the problem. Kind of like my finances.

Anyway, today we had a team building activity that included physical challenges. I pretty much hated it. Well, I liked the team building aspect, but all I can think about during any of those challenges is how, if I weren’t fat, I would enjoy this stuff so much more.

So why is it that I don’t do anything about it? It’s rhetorical. I don’t have the capacity to think about it right now.

Why not? Because I’m exhausted and stressed about what I’m going to do with the rest of my life, and I miss my friends a lot. I know it will get better and I will make new friends in the program, and I will do stuff with them, but right now, I’m just really lonely. The other girl in my group, Jenn Larson, is fabulous, but she’s married and into her own little life. Not that I expected her to be my instant friend, but I didn’t realize how sad I would be.

Add to that the fact that the people with whom I get along best in the program are the married men, and well…you can see how that would be a problem.

And then today, after our activity, we talked more about the information we give off through our actions. Wow. That was humbling. I have a lot to work on.

I cannot believe that I am not even a week into the program and I already feel totally overwhelmed. These are the moments when I really, really, really miss my mom.