dear you…inspired by true movies

If any of the trailers don’t show up, try refreshing the page. Apparently, they’re a little shy at times. Also, be warned (thanks Adriane for the comment), some of the trailers may give away a lot of the movie.

Dear Becoming Jane,

Whoever decided that a woman in her mid-thirties should look like an old maid on her death bed is an idiot. You were a great movie. Sad, but great. I loved so many things about you. But really, that last scene almost killed you. You just needed to fire whoever was calling the shots on Anne Hathaway’s makeup. I realize that Jane Austen didn’t have the many, many anti-aging methods now available, but really, there is no way she looked like that. I mean, her sister-in-law was older than she was and didn’t look so old. Were you trying to send a message that married people age better than single people? Were you trying to make me dread my thirties? Help me understand what you would allow such a travesty to happen.

With much sadness and fear for my future,

Chloe

Dear mother who thought bringing her 1-year-old to see Bourne Supremacy in the theater was a good idea,

Why would you ever think that was a good idea? First, it’s totally inconsiderate. If you can’t find a babysitter, don’t go to the movie. Or go see Shrek 3. Or wait until you can find a sitter. Or wait until the movie comes out of video.

If it was only for my comfort, I would not be writing this letter. However, that is not my only concern, nor is it my greatest. I don’t know if you realize this, but the decibel level in movie theaters can and will seriously damage your poor child’s ears. It’s one thing for us, as adults, to subject ourselves to the ear-damaging sound in the theater, it is quite another to inflict it on an infant. Especially since infants’ ears are so much more sensitive, and thus, more easily damaged.

My final concern is similar to the second. Do you really want to expose your baby to all of that violence as a baby? I mean, really. Do you think just because your baby can’t talk that he can’t be damaged by all of it?

I realize that I don’t have children and so, may not understand how hard it is to forgo my desires for my baby’s health and well-being. But I’m pretty sure that I will think about those things before getting myself pregnant. Maybe you should have, as well.

With much concern,

A single girl who wonders why you get to be a mother right now and she doesn’t

Dear High School Musical 2,

While I fully expected cheese and was very entertained by it, and you have provided me with a fantastic new “breakup song”, I do have limits and those limits start with fake shooting stars, followed closely by singing reflections in a pond, and end with lanterns that mysteriously float away, when nothing about the movie contains any other “magic”. Oh, and I can’t neglect to mention the fireworks. Seriously, you need to fire your special effects people if that’s what they are producing. Or your writers, if that’s what they wrote into the script. Or whoever made the decision not leave those bits of film on the cutting room floor.

With much embarrassment (for you and me),

A closet fan

Dear Hairspray,

Thank you! I love you! I wasn’t sure what I thought about John Travolta, but he was divine, as were all of the other actors. I even liked Amanda Bynes. All of it was amazing…okay, maybe the singing picture of Tracy was a bit much, but you’re a musical, so I guess it’s to be expected. Oh, and excellent choice with Christopher Walken. As Sarah put it, “he’s hilarious and terrifying all at the same time.” I can’t say enough about you. You are a new favorite. Okay, so maybe I wouldn’t have chosen Michelle Pfeiffer. I mean, she’s kind of fake looking and really, her singing voice is not my favorite. And even that’s forgivable. I mean, the audience is supposed to hate her, and I did. You are really and truly brilliant. Perfectly delightful!

With much love,

A huge fan (not huge like Edna Turnblad, but huge in the sense that I really love you and sing your praises)

Dear Stardust,

Thank you for being such a perfect movie. You have everything, laughter, adventure and romance. You will be the next DVD I purchase now that I have a budget. You are The Princess Bride for my generation. Okay, so The Princess Bride was The Princess Bride for my generation. But you are fantastic just the same.

I do have to say that I am truly grateful that the first time I saw you there were no crazy hyenas in the audience. I wonder if that woman knew she sounded like a crazy fool. Hmm? Anyway, even with the loud and inappropriately timed laughter, I liked you even more the second time. Robert De Niro was perfect for his role. And that Charlie Cox…delicious!

With many smiles,

A huge fan of the truly romantic comedy

12 thoughts on “dear you…inspired by true movies

  1. I hate when people bring toddlers to movies. I was even mad in Rattatouie (I know I butchered the spelling on that one) when little kids were making noises, and I have a child. I know, I need to get over it.Stardust was surprisingly good.Speaking of “old maid” movies, have you seen “Miss Potter”? You might really like it.One last thing – HSM2 is awesome, because it is so cheesy. I downloaded some of the music and listened to it during our trip. So great.

  2. I always love your dear you posts! Stardust really was great wasn’t it?! I’m glad we didn’t have cackling girls in our theater!

  3. Thank you for the reviews of these movies!!! Now I know which ones to go see! And I so agree about the bringing young children to violent movies. It makes me so mad when people do that!

  4. I love your letter, Chloe.Yes on the becoming Jane. She died when she was 41 and she looked between 50 and 60. Although, people did age a lot more then. No Oil of Olay, no hair color treatments. So…maybe. Haven’t seen Bourne. But, why…ever? Any movie?Stardust, it’s nice to see a good review. it’s been getting slammed and I wasn’t interested in seeing it…until now.High School Musical 2. I just watched the first one. I think I need to let my brain recover from the Karaoke song first.Hairspray – great, great, great movie.

  5. oh, be still my beating heart. while i have only seen one movie in your letter, your posting of the trailer for “becoming jane” was enough to set my heart atwitter. again. oh, where is my tom lefroy/william darcy/james mcavoy/colin firth? ps…that trailer actually showed a lot of the film. which may have disappointed me if i had seen it before i saw the movie thankfully, i did not. so now i can piece it together in my brain and be in love again and again.

  6. This was great Chloe! I have been wanting to see Becoming Jane (I have a period drama, Merchant & Ivory type addiction–plus it actually is Jane related). I haven’t seen Hairspray because I like the John Waters version, Divine and all that. We saw Bourne Ultimatum, I agree with you about the baby/young child thing completely.I haven’t heard about Stardust, but am curious now.

  7. I’m just proud that I can say that I watched most of those with you. And that I’ve seen each movie you mentioned. I rock!! And completely agree with each letter.

  8. Dear Movies Mentioned by Chloe,Why have I not seen any of you? Oh. Because you are all still in the regular movie theater where cheap people like me rarely venture. Sadness. Please come to the dollar theater soon.Love, Janssen

  9. I love this post. You are so funny. I haven’t seen any of these movies except HSM2. I felt like you, SO CHEESY, even for a cheesy movie. Even James kept saying, “Troy is a girl.” I don’t know where he heard that but… ya kind of. The singing/dancing 3 year old twirls on the golf course (before the pond scene) were just too much for me.Before Jill mentioned Stardust I had never even heard of it. Sounds like I need to. I really want to see Hairspray too. Looks like a lot on my list for when the dvds come out.Thanks for the fun post.

  10. Chloe, are you a Jane Austen fan???I’m a huge fan of pride and prejudice (the Colin Firth version NOT that Keira Knigtley so off track version) It’s the only movie I’d watch over and over again without getting bored.

  11. When I saw Bourne Supremacy (fairly late at night) with a friend a couple behind us had their one year old with them. He was surprisingly non fussy till near the end- but I was shocked that a couple would bring a child so young for the same reasons you mention.Stardust was fabulous. I think that Kate McGowan was absolutely gorgeous- but not in a fake hollywood way. (Ive always thought the same of Claire Daines though lately she’s looked kind of emaciated.) I certainly hope McGowan gets more roles after this.

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