random thoughts, realizations, and confessions…

1. I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships lately. Not that I am dying to be in one, but I think it’s healthy to think about whether or not I am where I want to be in order to be in one. Does that make sense? Anyway, twice a year, my church has a world wide conference, called General Conference. One happened to fall this last weekend. I came to the realization, as I listened to a great talk given by a man named Jeffrey R. Holland about emotional abuse and how our words can really hurt people, that I am not where I want to be . Well, I realized that this is one of my weaknesses. Sometimes I say really mean things and sometimes, when I do it, I think I am being funny. I don’t want to be that person.

It was also interesting to think about my mother (he mentioned that parents should not compare or criticize children) and realize that I don’t have a single memory of her ever criticizing me or comparing me to my siblings. I am so sad to no longer have her physically with me, but what a blessing to have had such a great mom while she was alive. I hope she knows how much I appreciate that and how blessed I feel.

2. There were several other great talks given (the conference is four, two-hour sessions), but the other one that really struck me was given by Dallin H. Oaks about divorce. He talked about how sad it is that today marriage is often not taken seriously; people aren’t willing to work at it and all too often want out for a number of stupid reasons. I want to mention that he also said that there are reasons to get out of a marriage and that sometimes divorce is necessary. But one of my favorite things that he said was that the best way to not need to divorce someone who is abusive or adulterous, etc., is to do not marry them. And the best way to not marry them is to get to know them really well. Not exactly rocket science, I know, but sometimes the basics are what we need to hear.

3. I want to read the bible from cover to cover. My 30th birthday is quickly approaching and I have yet to read the bible in entirety…and I have been religious my entire life. It’s embarrassing, I know. So, I started Sunday night. So far, so good. Granted, it’s only Tuesday, but I’m going to take that as a good sign.

4. I am tired of obsessing about how I look (in other words, how much I weigh), so I haven’t weighed myself in over two weeks (if your not a scale junkie, just realize that this is a big deal) and I’m trying to just relax about it and be healthy. Last night, I invited my friend Catherine over and instead of hanging out and sitting on our bums, we went for a walk and got in our fill of gabbing. It was great! I think we covered about three miles and I felt so good afterward.

5. I haven’t had voice lessons in over three months, which makes me sad, so today, I set up a time and I am back on track next Monday.

6. I really like my dad. It’s one thing to love your parents, but over the past few months being at home (in the apartment over the garage) and spending time with him, I have come to the conclusion that he really is a good person and I really enjoy spending time with him. And he’s seriously funny! Now, that isn’t the first impression most people get, but he really is hilarious.

7. I took a cake decorating class when I was in fifth grade and I still remember how to make clowns out of frosting…but since that’s almost the only thing I remember, I am starting a cake decorating class this week. How fun is that?

8. Sometimes I purchase and listen to music not because I like it, but because I want to like it or I think I should like it. And sometimes I do the same thing with food (well, eat rather than listen to, but you get what I mean)…and movies,. And usually, I end up liking what I wanted to like in the first place, but I wonder why I do that. What am I trying to prove and to whom? And why can’t I do that with people?

9. I’m heading down to Vegas this weekend and I am so excited. Not only am I excited to see my brother, sister-in-law and nephew (is he not the cutest thing you’ve ever seen?), but I’m also excited for some good driving/alone time. I basically live by myself, so you would think that I have plenty of alone time, but there is something nice about 5 hours (yes, I also like to drive fast), uninterrupted with nothing to do but look at the road ahead and listen to whatever I want to listen to…for example, the same song 100 times in a row if I so choose.

10. I love that when my sister calls in a crisis wanting me to come down and help her get the baby’s room ready for the baby shower, I can do it because a) I am single and have no husband or children of my own to worry about, b) I now work a M-F job, so I can easily head down to AZ for the weekend without needing to reschedule clients and c) we have a father who, despite his complaints about how much money we cost him (yes, we are all grown-ups and still cost him money), he is always willing to help us help each other (i.e. buy my plane ticket down there because he knows I’m working my way out of debt and that it will really help my sister feel less stressed about life).

Interestingly and on a side note, in doing the math, the cost of my plane ticket is about equal to what it would cost for my sister to have the baby’s room painted (which is essentially what I’m going down to do), but my dad would never pay to have the room painted. He is, however, willing to pay for me to go down there to do it. Once upon a time, I didn’t understand his logic, but now that I’m older, I can see all of the ways we are better people because of it. For instance, I do an amazing job cutting in edges free hand (I hate taping things off).

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