the friendship (according to chloe)

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Friendship is an interesting thing. It has caused me lots and lots of grief and even more joy! My purpose in writing this is to share a few things I have learned over the years that have really and truly diminished the level of stress I have in my life as a result of friendships.

Here are 10 thoughts on friendships in general (and this could be equally applicable to romantic relationships). Don’t you love how I set myself up as the expert? I’m not. These are just my thoughts. Feel free to add your own, disagree with mine, or say anything else in the comments.

  1. Choose your friends. If you don’t like how someone is treating you, if you don’t like that a person never meets your expectations, if you have any kind of problem (beyond the minor irritation) with a friend, you may want to evaluate the situation and make a choice. You can decide to a) reign in your expectations and be okay with how your friend is or b) not be friends with that person. But own your decision…especially if you choose option A.

  2. If you can feel yourself being phased out (technical term meaning that someone is trying to “dump” you as a full-time friend), just let it happen. This is especially true in dating, but I think just as applicable in the Land of Platonic Relationships. Why on earth would I want to be friends with someone who doesn’t want to be friends with me? There’s no need for a DTR…ever. All that does is make things awkward and hurt feelings on multiple levels. Having been both the phaser and the phased, I know both sides well.

    1. Side note #1: If all of your friends in every aspect of your life are phasing you out, or if this is a regular occurrence, you may want to do a good self-evaluation because chances are, there’s probably something you are doing that is causing this regular exodus. If, after a thorough self-evaluation, you don’t see anything that might need adjusting in your behavior, just accept that you are a very particular shade of chartreuse that a selected few can handle, but when those selected few come along, you will have friends for life!

    2. Side note #2: Should you be the phaser, you might be tempted to share your feelings about why you don’t want to be friends with/date that person anymore. Or the person might ask why. DON’T DO IT! DON’T GIVE IN! I’m not saying to lie. Lying never works (even if you are trying to spare someone’s feelings). Just share your feelings, not thoughts, not observations, not advice; just feelings. Here’s the thing. You may not want to be friends with that person, but that doesn’t mean that there won’t be 10 other people out there who like your ex-whatever exactly the way she is. If it is the case that no one wants to be friends with her, it is her responsibility to figure out who she wants to be and with whom she wants to be friends. And words NEVER GO AWAY!

  3. Friendships will evolve. Life moves forward. I have great friends from high school. These girls were, and are, very important to me. But our lives went in different directions and our friendships changed. I have recently caught up with a number of them, through blogging mainly, and it has been fantastic. I still adore them. But…it is different and there’s nothing wrong with that. This includes when a friend starts to date someone. She still likes you, she is just really, really excited about a particular guy and that’s all she can see. Let her be excited. Let her love it and enjoy it without making extra stress for her. Eventually, things settle. They get married or they break up. If she’s a friend, she will still need you either way. Don’t make her feel like she can’t turn to you.

  4. If you are lonely and think that people don’t like you and don’t want to be friends with you, you might be right. Harsh? Perhaps. I prefer honest. On this one, I speak from personal experience. I have been that girl with whom no one really wanted to be friends. I felt sorry for myself. I tried way, way, way too hard and all for naught. When I finally decided that I was going to be happy and enjoy my life anyway, I suddenly had friends…through no “friend making” efforts of my own. Be the friend you want others to be to you and you will naturally attract those people (unless you are ingratiating or a doormat…then you will attract the wrong kinds of friends).

  5. No one wants to be a “pity” friend. Be genuine. If you find yourself inviting someone along because you feel sorry for him, trust me, he can tell. I don’t know what the best solution is on this one. I think a case-by-case assessment is always needed.

  6. Be wary of misunderstandings. Don’t assume that a friend is mad at you when she doesn’t return one phone call, unless you’ve done something that merits “upsetedness”. Life is busy! Wait a while. Try a second one. And then, depending on the history, don’t worry about it. She will call you eventually or she won’t.

  7. Just because you get along with someone does not mean that you will like all of the same things. Now, some of you are thinking, “well, duh.” But trust me, I had a hard time learning this lesson.

  8. Along with #7, just because you have known someone for years and years, don’t assume that you know him better than he knows himself and don’t assume that he won’t change from time to time. This is both limiting and irritating! However, there are times when a drastic change occurs and you may be concerned. As a good friend, do you butt in or let him flounder? My vote: voice your concerns, offer help, then let your friend come to you. Don’t force it.

  9. Do not assume that, because you enjoy all of your groups of friends, it’s a good idea to mix them. Even for those of us who aren’t friends with everyone, we do have various circles. Sometimes mixing works. Sometimes it doesn’t. Just be aware.

  10. Be kind. No matter what. Yes, those of you who know me realize this is not always one of my strengths…but I’m working on it.

And now, for my particular shade of friendship: I am not a person that is friends with everyone. I like people, and I enjoy being social, but I also like my little close-knit circle of friends. I don’t think everyone needs to be like me. I have a dear friend in Arizona who is friends with almost everyone she knows and she does a great job of it. It’s her passion! What is hard for me is when those people (the kind that want to be friends with everyone), want me to be friends with everyone. For whatever reason, this really, really irritates me…when it is a forced issue.

So, here are some things that I would ask all of you “I want to be friends with and include everyone” types to consider.

  1. Just because I enjoy spending time with you, does not necessarily mean I will enjoy spending time with all of your other friends. Statements like, “Oh, you have to meet Katie. You are going to love her!” really bug me. A) I don’t have to do anything but die. B) How on earth do you know that I am going to love her?

  2. Not everyone is going to want to be friends with you and that’s okay. If you make an effort with someone and you are annoyed that the person is not reciprocating, you may just want to move on.

  3. When we (those of us who limit our friendships more) don’t want to be “good friends” with somebody, it’s not usually because we don’t like the person. We just are not as good at maintaining friendships with lots and lots of people, so we make choices.

I promise, I’m nice. Really. I am.

Note: These are not foolproof rules. There are exceptions to every one of them. Please drink responsibly.

the joys of gingerbread (and a Christmas meme)

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On Sunday night, Sarah and I went over to Candice’s to decorate gingerbread houses with Candice and her boys. It was seriously entertaining. Besides the fact that gingerbread house decorating is one of my favorite Christmas traditions, there were quite a few funny moments.

As you will see in the pictures below, one house became a gingerbread diorama. This was the result of a “Christmas Disaster”, as one of Candice’s sons put it, which is the opposite of a Christmas Miracle. The disaster involved frosting you had to mix yourself, an already broken roof, and a side that fell on the ground.

So, we all laughed a lot both at the Christmas disaster and with the two boys who were up way past their bedtime.

My somewhat boring house. I liked doing it all green and white, but it is a little light on candy.

Sarah’s Gingerbread Diorama. The tree is actually a piece of her roof. She did decorate the other half, although I didn’t get a picture, so it looked like a perfect house from one side, and then, SURPRISE! It’s a diorama!

This is the Stringham Gingerbread House. I love it! It’s exactly what a gingerbread house should look like. Oh, and Candice’s mom came in to help the boys finish up.

On the left you can see the other half of Sarah’s house. I guess I did get one partial shot.

Notice the toothpick that Candice jimmy-rigged to hold up the candy laden roof. I don’t know why I found that so funny, but I did.

Me and my washed out house.


The Stringham House.

Borrowed from Denise:

  1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper and ribbon! On all presents. Even Santa gifts.
  2. Real tree or artificial? Real. I know it’s a pain, and expensive, however I love a real tree and the smell of it.
  3. When do you put up the tree? If I did, which I don’t right now because I have no room for it, I would do it the weekend after Thanksgiving.
  4. When do you take the tree down? New Year’s Day.
  5. Hot chocolate or apple cider? If you don’t know this, you don’t know me.
  6. Favorite gift received as a child? What about not received. My mom had purchased my little brother and I this kids’ video camera and t.v. combo. I snooped and told my BFF about it, who told her mom who was my mom’s BFF. Long story short: the video camera and t.v. were not under the tree on Christmas morning. They had been returned to Toys ‘R’ Us. It’s my favorite because of the lesson learned. Don’t snoop! Otherwise, probably my little, pink, one speaker-ed “boom box” and my Cyndi Lauper cassette that I would play at full blast, with the boom box hanging from my shoulder like a purse, as I rode my bike around the neighborhood. I was super cool.
  7. Do you have a nativity scene? Well, my mom’s is floating around somewhere, but no, I don’t. Someday I really want either this or this or this nativity.
  8. Hardest person to buy for? My dad. Hands down. He has everything.
  9. Easiest person to buy for? Alicia.
  10. Worst Christmas gift ever received? I’m sure there have been clothing articles I didn’t like, but I can’t think of a “worst”.
  11. Mail or email Christmas card? Either. There are pros and cons to both. Mail is mail and that’s a pro. And it’s fun to have the actual card, but then what do you do with it? Email is not as fun, but it’s nice because you can easily store pictures on your computer.
  12. Favorite Christmas movie? I like them all. If they aren’t stupid.
  13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Whenever I see something that I really want to get for someone…after August.
  14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Not buy “re-gifting”. I’ve given some of my gifts away but just in a “Hey, I got this for Christmas and I won’t ever use it. Do you want it?” kind of way.
  15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? This is a bit tough. I’m going to say Raclette. Although I don’t eat it often, I will be having it on Sunday with my friends. If you don’t know what Raclette is, click here. It’s delicious!
  16. Clear lights or colored? Clear for the most part…although, as a child, I loved the colored lights that were on our flocked tree (yes, flocked).
  17. Favorite Christmas song? I love all of the traditional ones. My current favorite is this version of The Wexford Carol.
  18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Travel to wherever my family is.
  19. Can you name Santa’s reindeer? Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Donner, Blitzen, Comet, Cupid, and Rudolph
  20. Angel or star on top of the tree? I’m a star fan.

a year in review…and me in a tutu

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Posing, post race.
All together, pre-race.

Happy to be done!

Today was the annual Nutcracker 5k at the UVSC. Admittedly, this morning’s race was not my favorite in terms of my performance or weather conditions. However, I still had a lot of fun. Bre and Richard joined me and are actually the creators of our festive tutus. We looked amazing (as you can see from the photos).

This was my very first race one year ago and marks a culmination of quite the year of races. I ran six 5k’s, a 10k, a half-marathon and a full marathon this year; nine races in one year. I hope to raise that in the year to come.

In honor of my first “second” race, I would like to share a few thoughts on running. Not training thoughts or advice thoughts, just random thoughts. This past year, during my many, many, many training runs, I have had the opportunity to think a lot. This is probably my most favorite part of running. There’s something about pounding the pavement that brings so much clarity.

Running has great psychological rewards. It helped me to get out of the funk I had been in for quite some time. It helped me to work out some things that had been bothering me. It helped stave on my seasonal depression. And it has brought me into a whole new circle of friends, both friends in real life and my BRFs (blogging running friends). I also love the camaraderie of runners. I don’t know a nicer group of athletes than runners. There’s also this amazing sense of accomplishment that comes from running. It isn’t about beating someone else’s time or distance. It’s just about me and my improvements and new distances.

Running has taught me to really appreciate my body and what it can do. While I still don’t love the packaging, I have discovered many other things I do like about it. My body has become my friend. Yes, sometimes we have to have little discussions about how I need to push it harder than it wants to go, but those are few and far between and for the most part, it lets me have my way. I love how strong my legs are and their willingness to carry me miles and miles and miles. And I love the awareness of every muscle in my body the day after a long training run.

And lastly, I have been able to see amazing places. My runs up the canyon this summer gave me the opportunity to appreciate just how beautiful Utah really is (even though I do want to leave here eventually). My training has forced me to run in various parts of the country (including my lovely tour of D.C. and the monuments in August). As I plan my year of races, I am looking forward to all of the new places I will see. So far, I have a race in beautiful Moab and one during the gorgeous cherry blossom season in D.C. And I hope to run a few wherever it is I end up going to school.

I can’t wait to see what this year brings. Hopefully many more miles and some new PRs. The best thing about “first races” is that they are all PRs.

Now, I just want to leave you with a list of my friends (both IRL and BRF) who have inspired my running over the past year:

Dianne, my friend from work who got me to sign up for that first 5k a year ago and with whom I have enjoyed several early morning Saturday runs.

Anne, my marathon buddy. Often times, knowing that we were both training for the St. George Marathon was the inspiration I needed to keep me going. She also introduced me to many wonderful running products that I cannot live without.

Maren, who, just nine months after having her first baby, is running a marathon today.

Christy, a blogging friend with whom I ran my first (and only) 10k. She is the only thing that kept me from backing out. I had run much farther than 6 miles at that point in my training, but I was still scared to do it as part of a race.

Katie, who I have known her for over seven years now. She never ceases to both amaze and inspire me.

Julia, who I met through Maren (and blogging), often commented on my running posts, leaving words of encouragement and advice. It has been fun to read about her runs and triathlons and be inspired by all that she has done.

Jen, who I have yet to meet, but has been so encouraging. The first time I visited her running blog, I remember thinking that it was just the inspiration I needed. And then she continued to inspire me through both her blogging and the wonderful cards and packages she sent me. She has now run two marathons in one month! Amazing!

Holly, who has set this amazing goal to run races in all fifty states. In the case that I end up in Texas, I hope that we will have the chance to run a race or two together, even if it is a bit of a drive from one city to the other.

Kristi, who secretly trained for a marathon for months and ran her first one this fall. I often felt like training required way too much time, but then I would think about her, with her girls, in the D.C. heat, and it made me feel like such a wuss (in an inspirational way).

Shelah, who leaves great comments a will be running her first marathon in a little less than a month!

Scott, who just ran a 50 miler. Yes, FIFTY MILES!

Kim, who emailed me randomly to see if I wanted to run a few training runs with her. She also completed her first marathon this year!

And finally, Zach, who would comment regularly on my blog and also trained for and ran St. George. It was fun to finally meet him at around mile 2…Anne and I heard someone yelling our names from behind, which shocked both of us just a little. It was Zach!

is that the end?

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  1. I am grateful for how easy it has been to see the positive in all things this month…even my crappy interview.

  2. I am grateful for forgiveness and its healing power.

  3. I am grateful for the rain…even if it is December tomorrow and should really be snowing in Utah.

I hope you all had a month of grateful thoughts, and enjoy the holiday season.

My plea is that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life, we ‘accentuate the positive.’ I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good, that we still our voices of insult and sarcasm, that we more generously compliment and endorse virtue and effort.

President Gordon B. Hinckley